They Don't Know About Us

Silence is a Girl's Loudest Scream

I sobbed as I created another cut into my skin. I'm almost running out of bare skin that is hidden under my clothes. I watched the blood brim over and roll down my arm. I quickly washed away the blood and covered the new cut with a band-aid. I rolled my sleeves back down. That's enough for now.

I had woken up in the middle of the night, due to a nightmare. The urge had come back, immediately bringing on new cuts. I'm mentally dead inside. I am no longer living in my head. My soul has left my body, and I'm just an empty shell.

I went back to bed. I climbed under the covers, and cried myself to sleep.

*


I woke up the next morning at around eight. I have school... Again. Another day of torture and misery. Every day I dread waking up. A month and a couple weeks have passed since all this has started. I'm shocked that I've lasted this long.

I'm so close to breaking entirely. Not just crying and cutting, but something worse. Something that will change everything. I'm so scared when I'll reach that point, but right now I'm just drifting along.

I'm so sore from all the beatings and cuts on my skin. I'm so broken, but I hide it with makeup and clothes. No one knows how hurt I am, and I'm going to leave it this way.

I got out of bed and took a fast shower. I dried off my curly hair and put on concealer, to cover the multiple bruises. I walked over to my scale to weigh myself. I weigh 89 pounds. I can do better than that. I need to be really skinny. I searched through my drawers, looking for a pair of pants that were loose on me. Then, my fat wouldn't show through. I could only find a pair of boot cut jeans. That's good enough. I threw a loose sweater over me and then put on a pair of TOMS. I look ugly, but who cares?

I walked downstairs, and grabbed my book bag. I saw that Niall was already awake. Why is he awake so early.

Niall walked over to me, and kissed me on the cheek. I can't believe he would do that. Why does he want to kiss me?

"Happy Valentine's Day, love," He happily told me. I put on a fake smile to please him, "Oh, it's already Valentine's Day?"

He nodded, "We should do something tonight, like go on a small date."

I smiled, "Sounds great. Well, I better get going to school."

"Shouldn't you get something to eat first?" Niall asked. Crap.. he wants me to eat. This isn't good.

"Um, sure," I replied. I found my feet trudging over to the cabinet, grabbing a granola bar from the box.

"I better head over to school," I told him. Niall stood up, "I'll give you a ride."

"Um, okay," I quietly answered. I grabbed my coat, and I followed Niall out the door. We got in his car, and he drove me over to campus.

The car was silent during the ride. I really don't even know what to say anymore. Niall would make small talk, by talking about a concert or interview he was at recently. I would add in a couple words, but that was it. I wouldn't say anything about school.

Niall pulled up into the parking lot of the school, "I'll pick you up after wards, love. See you later."

Niall leaned over to peck me on the lips. I grabbed my bag, and said good bye to him. I got out of the car, and Niall drove away.

Time for another endless day of school. I walked down the parking lot, and received many insults. I was called a slut, fat ass, whore, ugly, and other insults like that. Why do they repeat it if I already know I am?

I was tripped multiple times, and laughed at. I then walked past the group that insulted me the most. The ones that reminded me every day about how horrible I am.

"Why are you still here?" One of the girls asked me. I turned to look at them. I could seem them smirking at me.

"When will you ever realize you're just a waste of space. No one loves you. You are probably the most hated person. When will you realize that everyone wants you to go die? Go kill yourself." The girl told me.

That hurt. That hurt so much that I was now sobbing. They were laughing at me, as I ran off, tears flying off my cheeks.

Some days I wonder the same thing. I wonder why I'm still here. Why am I still alive. I really don't care about life anymore at all.
*


Today was one of those days that you thought you were just going to fall apart. It never happens, but you feel absolutely horrible.

I cried in the bathroom during lunch, like usual. I was pushed, tripped, even slapped. Why won't anyone help me? Everyone is just scared that the bullies will aim at them. Can't someone just make them go away?

People called me the usual horrible names, but now 'Go die' was added to the list of usual insults. That one hurts the most. That one makes me wonder if I should go do that.

The school day had finally ended. I could go home. But, what was the joy of going home? I'm going on a date with Niall, which means I'll probably have to eat. Then, I will gain weight, making me even more fat. I can't do that to myself. I'll have to be scared of telling him the truth. Now, I'm starting to wonder whether I should just tell him, and he can get me out of here. Maybe, that will be better. I really want to finish college, but can I?

When I go home, I have to be scared of Niall finding out the truth. I don't know where I want to be anymore.

I have a new plan. Maybe this can avoid the bullies. I went over to the bathroom, my usual hiding place. I walked in, and hid in one of the stalls. After a couple minutes, I heard yelling as someone walked in.

"Where is the little whore?!" A girl yelled.

"She usually hides in here, search every stall!"

I'm dead. I quickly lifted my feet up on top of the seat, so my feet couldn't be seen. I could hear stall doors being slammed open. I cringed at the slightest noise. Suddenly, my door slammed open.

"Found you," She growled, she grabbed the collar of my sweater and yanked me out of the stall.

"If you don't want to see us anymore, then you should just go die," they snarled at me. I felt the tears pouring down my face at the insult that hurts me every single time.

Because of those few tears, I was punched in the face. I could almost feel the bruises forming. No, this is bad. I felt my arm being hit. I gasped, because of all the cuts that were there.

I saw them smirk, realizing they found something. One of the girls rolled up my sleeve, before I could even react. They saw the tons of cuts lining up on my arm.

"So, she really is a self-harming freak," they whispered to each other. Then, one of the girls hit me hard straight in the stomach, sending me stumbling back towards the wall. I hit the wall, and slid down, until I was sitting on the floor of the bathroom.

"See you tomorrow," one of the girls whispered, "Unless you want to die today."

The left me all alone in the bathroom. I brought my knees up to my chest, and wrapped my arms around them. I started sobbing into my knees, trying to make the pain go away. There is only one thing that can do that.

I stood up, and walked over to the stall I previously was in. I grabbed my bag and walked back over to my place next to the wall. No one is here, no use in hiding in a stall to cut.

I grabbed my sharpener from my bag and pulled out the miniature blade. I rolled up my sleeves and searched for bare skin. I finally found some, and began cutting.

I watched each cut brim over with blood. I loved the horrible pain. I loved being even more hurt then I already am. I wonder why I'm still here. I already know I don't belong. I created a few more cuts.

Suddenly, the door opened.

"Nicole, are you-" I heard someone say. I looked at the door to see Marie walking in. She stopped talking when she saw me sitting on the floor. The tears had washed away the concealer, exposing all the bruises. My sleeve was rolled up, showing all the cuts, and I was holding a blade in my hand.

Marie gasped, "N-Nicole..."

She quickly crouched beside me, "I-I had no idea that is was t-this bad," She whispered, I could see tears in her eyes.

"What do you want?" I snapped. Marie was surprised by the harsh tone in my voice, "Niall asked me to go find you..."

Niall... I had completely forgot.

"Nicole, I know that you have been missing at lunch for over a month now," Marie whispered, I could see tears starting to spill from her eyes, "I-I was too scared to find you. I-I was too scared to talk to you. I-I though the bullying would end by itself. I didn't k-know it was t-this bad. I'm so s-sorry. I should've stopped all this."

"Why are you sorry?" I asked, "Nothing's wrong. The bullying doesn't affect me."

"Stop acting like this!" Marie yelled, "I know that you're hurting! You've cut yourself! A-And... Are those bruises on your face?"

"N-No!" I protested. Marie was now crying her eyes out, "T-They beat you, d-didn't they?"

I didn't say anything. I don't know what to say.

"I-I have to tell Niall," She mumbled, starting to get up. I grabbed her arm, holding her back.

"I'm begging you," I whispered, "Don't tell him. I've hidden this for so long, you can't ruin all I've worked on! I-I can't let him find out!" I was now crying, "I-I didn't tell him anything, because I-I was worried he'd t-take me out of college! I just want to finish college and it w-will be all over! Promise me you won't tell Niall!"

Marie looked at the ground, "Nicole, I can't make those kind of promises. You need help, right now."

She yanked her arm away from my grasp and ran out of the bathroom.

N-No! This can't be happening! I've tried so hard to hide everything! I suffered through all of that to hide my secret! Why is she doing this to me!

I started sobbing my eyes out. I no longer need to try. Why am I still trying if everything I worked for has fallen apart. Why do I need to suffer anymore? There is one solution to solve all the problems that have built up. All the problems I've tried avoiding.

"I-I'm sorry..." I whispered out loud. I don't know who cares about me anymore, but I only have one choice. I can either suffer or end it all, "I hope you understand that I have to, o-or I'll never be happy..... T-Those of you who wanted me to d-die. Y-Your wishes came true."

I quickly grabbed the small blade. This better work. I can't keep suffering on. I can't keep holding myself together by one string. This is a good thing. I will finally by happy. The bullies will be happy. Everyone will be happy.

I felt the cool metal touch my skin. I pressed it deep into my wrists. I could see blood already pouring out, before I had even sliced my small wrist. The blade is deep in. Time to start.

I created the first slice, deep in my skin.

The first one was for me being too fat.

That's not enough. I sliced my wrist deeply again.

The second one was for being ugly

I need more. I haven't felt the horrible pain. I cut my wrist again.

This one was for the most common insult. Slut.

The blood started pouring. One more. That's all.

This last one was for them. The bullies, the fans, and the people who despised me.

That's when all the pain hit. I have sliced the vein. The blood was pouring out of my wrists in large amounts. I watched the waterfall of blood drip from my wrists.

Are you happy? Are you happy that I'm going to leave? For all of you people who wanted me to die, you can be happy, I'm going to die. Don't worry, I'm also happy.

The blood still spilled over. Suddenly, the door slammed open. I heard people screaming my name, as black spots entered my vision. Before I knew it, everything was black.

-------------------

This is what the multiple bullying chapters have led up to. This is the big part. I'll update tomorrow! Sorry about the horribly intense cliffhanger, but come on guys. I think we all know that I'd do that to you. Thanks for all your amazing comments! I absolutely love them! I'm going to sleep now.. Keep commenting, following, and adding to like! Bye lovelies!
-Madison