They Don't Know About Us

Words Hurt

"I-I'm really sorry, Niall," I whispered, once he saw the cuts. His eyes burned holes into my ugly skin. I felt tears sliding down my cheeks. I looked at the ground, scared to look back up at him. I waited, for him to say something, anything. I grew scared of the silence, and started to silently sob.

Suddenly, I felt a hand slowly lifting up my chin. My eyes met Niall's. He stared into mine. I tried to read my eyes, but no words would show up. I felt his thumb trace along my cheek, wiping away a tear.

"I don't like to see you crying," Niall whispered into my ear. I looked up at him, almost confused. Usually he gets mad or really sad.

"Nicole, I'm not going to get mad at you," Niall whispered, reassuring me, "I understand that you're broken. Why would I hurt you even more?"

"B-Because I know you h-hate when I cut," I stuttered out.

"I don't think forcing you to stop cutting will ever help you. Yelling will make everything worse. I will never hurt you. I love you."

I smiled weakly at him, "I love you, too," I whispered.

"Now, why don't we clean up your cuts?" Niall suggested. He helped me off the bed, and over to the bathroom. I sat down on top of the toilet seat. Niall grabbed some band-aids. I carefully lifted up my shirt halfway, exposing all the bruises, scars, and cuts. I saw Niall staring at the odd sight for a moment, before treating the cuts. He grabbed a band-aid, put it on one of the cuts, and used his thumb to press the band-aid down. I flinched at his touch. Niall quickly pulled away.

"Sorry," He mumbled, before carefully applying more band-aids. He soon finished, and I pulled my shirt back down. I felt like a little kid, not being able to clean my own wounds.

"You know you still have to go to therapy, right?" Niall told me.

"Please don't make me go!" I begged. Niall shook his head, "No, Nicole, you're going. You really need to go."

I sighed, "Fine, but I don't want to talk about everything."

"Well, you can be the therapist's problem, not mine," Niall replied. He stood up, and also helped me up, "Well, it's time to go, love."

I followed Niall downstairs, and we got in his car.

*


I sat cross-legged on top of the couch. Dr. Swoft sat on the couch across me, after she grabbed her clipboard and pen. I watched her write down a couple things before starting.

"So, Nicole, how have things been over the last few days?" She asked me. I really didn't want to talk about the drinking, bullying, and cutting. It will make me have to go here more often, if I look so broken. I know I'm a mess, but I can deal with my own problems.

"Fine," I answered simply. Dr. Swoft nodded, "Okay, so you haven't continued any of your bad habits?"

"No, everything is fine. No problems."

"You know I'm a therapist, right? I can tell when you're lying. Besides, Niall called me on the phone before you came and told me everything."

I sighed, "Well, I don't want to talk about it. I'm completely fine. I don't have any problems."

"I'm not saying you have problems," She replied, "Everyone makes mistakes-"

"I cut on purpose. It wasn't an accident," I snapped.

"But, you do realize that drinking and cutting is a problem, right?" She asked.

"No, it's completely normal," I lied, hoping she would end this useless session. She frowned, "Stop lying to me, Nicole."

"Whatever," I mumbled, uncaring of this whole therapy thing.

"Now,the best way to stop drinking is to not give into peer pressure. Always have someone with you when you are going to a party, club, or bar. They will help you stop your urge. For cutting, try to find safer ways to relieve stress. You could..." Dr. Swoft kept talking, but I had stopped listening. I really just didn't care anymore. None of the tips ever work, so why do I even try?"

Soon, the boring session came to an end, and I was allowed to leave. I walked out of the room, so glad to get out. I pulled out my phone and texted Niall as I walked down the hall. My eyes were locked on my phone, so I didn't see anyone walking down the hall. I felt myself running into someone, and then falling to the floor.

"I'm so sorry!" I apologized, starting to sit up. I looked up to see who I had run into. I was completely surprised by who it was.

"Clara...?" I asked, shocked. Her blue eyes were wide, and she quickly jumped up, "U-Uh, I g-gotta go!" she exclaimed, then ran down the hall, before I had even stood up. I pulled myself off the floor, but Clara was already gone. What was that? Why is Clara here? Wait, is she in therapy, too? This makes no sense....

I walked out of the building, and spotted Niall's car. I climbed into the passenger's seat and closed the door behind me.

"How was it?" Niall asked me, as he pulled the car out of the parking lot.

"Boring," I replied, crossing my arms, like a little child. Niall sighed, "Stop acting like this, Nicole."

"Why do I have to be in therapy?" I complained, "I hate it! It doesn't solve my problems at all! Why would I even need to go? I don't have anything wrong with me!"

"Nothing wrong with you? You are an alcoholic, you cut, you're always crying, and I don't know what to do anymore. I was hoping that this would help you, but you don't even try to let people help you. Why do you keep acting like this?"

"I don't need help!" I protested, "I can solve my own problems!"

"Obviously you can't," Nial mumbled under his breath. Now, Niall is acting like everyone else. He thinks I'm mess up and a freak that needs therapy to make me all better. I won't ever be able to be normal, my drinking habits will never change, the hate will never stop, and I will never stop cutting.
*


I woke up the next day at around 7:30. I decided to not stay home today. What will that help? If I just keep avoiding everything, eventually it will all hit me at once.

I pulled myself out of bed and took a quick shower, then got out. I fixed up my curly hair. I changed into a light purple jumper and floral pants. I put on a pair of earrings and slipped my promise ring over my finger. I put on a pair of shoes and walked out of my bathroom. I walked downstairs and searched for something to eat. Toast ended up being my choice. I ate it quickly then grabbed my coat and bag. I think I better just leave early, then I can get some extra studying in. I walked out of the garage, and decided on taking Niall's car. I really should get my own car... Oh well, I can do that later. I got in the car and drove over to school.
*


I got out of my car, and started to walk towards the school. I could feel everyone's eyes on me, as I walked across the parking lot. I heard a group of girls snickering as I walked past. News of the incident must've spread around the school. I felt so humiliated. I kept my eyes locked on the floor, as I walked.

"Bitch," I heard a girl cuss at me, followed by some snickering. I didn't look up, not wanting to look at them. I heard more insults as I walked into the building.

"Slut."

"Stupid drunk."

"Self-harming freak."

Each insult felt like a blade penetrating my skin. I walked quickly towards the library. I found my way towards the back of the library, where no one was. I still could feel people staring at me. I grabbed my textbook from my bag, and quickly lifted it up, so it was covering my face.

I felt tears welling up in my eyes, as I tried to read, but only thought of the insults. I quickly wiped away the tears, not wanting to look weak. I can barely take this anymore. Suddenly, I heard two people sit in the chair in front of me. My book was shoved down, so they could see my face.

"Oh, look the little whore was crying!" It was two girls sitting in front of me. I bit my lip, not allowing me to say a word to them. I don't want them to have the satisfaction of seeing me weak.

"We don't want bitches like you at our school, so why don't you run away again?"

I can't take this anymore. I stood up, and grabbed my bag and my book. I simply walked away from the table.

"Keep running, wimp," one of the girls snapped at me. I didn't turn back to look at them. I kept walking until I reached my first class. I just sat in the back of the room, trying to hide away from everyone. I had my face hidden in a book, as everyone came filing in.
*


The day slowly passed by, and it was finally lunch. The most dreaded period of the day. I bit my lip, and walked in. I could see everyone staring at me as I walked in.

Just ignore them. Just ignore them. I avoided everyone as I quickly went over to the lunch line. I filled my tray up with food, and looked for an abandoned table where I could eat lunch alone.

I started to walk over, when I tripped over something. My plate fell out of my hands and spilled all over the floor, along with me. I hit the ground, my cuts erupted with pain.

"You don't need that that much food, fat ass," I heard a girl say to me, as she passed by me, kicking my food farther away from me.

The lunch room burst out in laughter, pointing and laughing their heads off at me. I looked up to see that some girl had tripped me. I bit my lip, trying with all my might to not cry. I heard the laughing continue as I grabbed my tray, and simply carried it to an abandoned lunch table. I wanted to hide away from the world. I wanted to just disappear from it all.

After about a minute, the laughing had died down. I was now sitting alone at my lunch table. Before even my friends could sit by me, two girls sat beside me. Please, just make it stop.

"Aw, gonna cry?" one of them asked, mockingly.

"Just leave me alone," I mumbled under my breath.

"Why should we?" She asked, "Why shouldn't we make your life miserable? Your boyfriend is the Niall Horan! Your life is perfect!"

I looked up and glared at her coldly, "Oh, you think my life is perfect? That's such a lie. Ever since I've dated him, I've gotten so much hate. My own Father used to abuse me, and he even raped me, and so did another guy twice. I've been beaten and I've almost died a few times. I hurt myself to try and ease the pain, but it will never be alright. I have people like you who come and try to ruin my life for stupid reasons like that. Why don't you think of how much you can hurt a person the next time you say crap like that."

They were silent for a minute, then the blond girl had a smirk on her face. She stood up, and faced the rest of the cafeteria, "HEY GUYS, SHE REALLY IS A WHORE! SHE'S HAD SEX ALREADY THREE TIMES!"

I heard the the cafeteria erupting in chatter. I heard insults being hurled at me now. The two girls laughed at me, and I heard slut and whore being shouted multiple times. I can't take this anymore. I got up, and ran out of the cafeteria. I found my way over to a bathroom and locked myself in a stall. I sat on the floor of the stall and started sobbing. Why does this have to happen to me?
*


The day had finally ended. I quickly walked out of the building, trying to get away from everyone. Then, I noticed that I had forgotten my keys in the library. I quickly walked back to library and found the keys on a table. I grabbed them, and started to walk back out the library, but was stopped.

"Where are you going?" I was stopped by three girls. They were about a foot taller than me, and glaring down at me.

"Please, just let me be," I begged. One of them smirked, "Sure, after we show you something outside."

Two of them grabbed each of my arms, dragging me out the back door of the library, so we were behind the back of the school, unseen.

"W-What are you going to do to me?" I asked. They smirked, "Giving you what whores deserve."

That's when it all started. The first injury a hand slapping my cheek. I quickly clutched my throbbing cheek, and that was a mistake. I was punched in the stomach. I fell over, doubled in pain, due to the pain from the cuts. I gasped, as immense pain erupted through. They took turns kicking my stomach, for five minutes, and finally ran off, laughing. I was still on the ground, but this time I was sobbing.

I-I just need to go home, and everything will be okay. I pulled myself off the ground, and found my way back over to Niall's car. I unlocked the door and got in. I was about to start the car, when I started sobbing again.

I came to a generalization. I can't tell them. I can't tell Niall or the other boys what's going on here. They'll only put me in therapy more, and then take me out of college. I need to be in college. I want to pass it to give me more writing experience. I can do this. I can be strong. I will be strong.

------------
I liked cried writing that chapter. I thought it was so sad.... Btw, I'm gonna go update again tonight. Okay, got it? School today): Okay, comment, follow, and fave! Bye lovelies! -Madison