They Don't Know About Us

Bad Choices

*Nicole's P.O.V.*

Another long week has passed by. I've kept my fake happy attitude, and have also continued cutting. I cry alone, making sure no one hears or sees me. Niall has kept his distance from me. It's beneficial, but lonely. I want him to stay away, but I don't want to lose him.

I woke up to another morning of sadness. I pulled myself out of bed, starting a wave of depression. I let my face fall when I was alone. I pulled out and outfit from my dresser, and walked into the bathroom. I turned on the shower water, and waited for it to heat up. I looked around the bathroom, and then shut the door. I striped off my clothes and stepped into the shower. I closed the shower curtain behind me. I let the steaming water drench my cold body, giving me warmth. I washed my body and hair, and just stood in the shower for a minute, letting the water calm my tense body. That's when it all came back. All the nightmares filled my mind and I remembered the horrible memory.
*


Then, the lights went off. I gasped, and I saw the shower curtain starting to open. The guy's shoe stepped into the shower. I could see he had on Nike tennis shoes, and was wearing jeans. He completely let his body come all the way in. He didn't have his hood up this time, so I could see his face. Even though the lights were off, I could somewhat see what he looked like. He had brown hair that was swept to the side, and he had piercing dark brown eyes. His brown eyes were almost black. He had on an Aeropostale T-Shirt on. I was surprised by how normal he looked. He was really tall though, around six feet, and he was muscular. His age looked to be around twenty. Who is he?

"W-Who are you?" I asked, my voice had fallen to a whisper. I saw a smirk play on the corners of his lips, "Well, you don't know me, so why should I tell you my name?"

"What do you want?" I asked, my voice scared beyond belief.

"You," His voice became serious, and stared me right in the eyes. His smirk fell, and was replaced with an evil glare. The tears were pouring down in bucketfuls.

"NI-" I began, but he quickly covered my mouth with his hand, and stuffed a piece of cloth in my mouth. The smirk appeared back on his face again, "You ready for this."

I shook my head, trying to push away. I was completely vulnerable, and he would easily be able to get me. He pulled down his pants, exposing his body to me. I looked away, and tried to kick him away, but he only caught my leg. He held down my arms and legs, and forced himself into my body. I felt the horrible feeling of him entering me. I tried to scream, but no noise would come out. I could see the look of pleasure on his face. I tried to pull him away, but he would only pull my naked body closer to him. Sweat was pouring down my face from the repeated struggle. I was trembling, and in pain from his violent actions. After about ten minutes of torture he let go. I was gasping, and clinging onto the edge of the tub. I saw a smirk form on his face as he pulled his pants back up, "Now wasn't that amazing?" He growled.
*


The nightmare screamed in my head, I fell to the floor of the shower, as the water pounded on my naked body. I pulled my knees up to my chest, trying to cover my naked body. I tried to block out the nightmares by covering my ears with the palms of my hands. I saw the raper's face come closer to me. His glare turned into a smirk. He reached down to touch my body. He pulled me closer to his body, and that's when the rape memory replayed over and over again. I closed my eyes, and I felt my heart pounding wildly in my chest. I felt tears rolling down my face, tears of fear. I tried to block out everything, but nothing was working. I could only think of one last trick to block out everything. I screamed.

I kept screaming, trying to make the memory of the guy go away. My voice was starting to get hoarse. I heard faint knocking on the door. My screams blocked most of the knocking out. I could faintly hear my name being called. Suddenly, the door busted open.

"Nicole!?" I heard Niall yell, his voice concerned. I blocked everything out by screaming. Suddenly, the shower curtain ripped open, exposing Niall in front of me. I continued screaming.

"Calm down!" Niall yelled, trying to get his voice louder than mine, so I could hear him. He yanked my hands off of my ears, causing me to stop screaming. I turned my head, so I could see him.

"It's okay, Nicole-" Niall began, but I interrupted him. My eyes grew wide, and I screamed again. Niall looked shocked, "What is it?"

"Get out!" I yelled. Niall frowned, "I'm confused..."

"I'm in the shower, get out!" I yelled, trying to cover my body with my arms. I pulled the shower curtain over me, covering me up. Niall simply handed me my towel. I didn't care if the shower water was still on, soaking the towel. I wrapped it around my naked body.

"You know when you were stabbed, I found you naked, don't be so freaked out," Niall replied.

"Get out of here!" I yelled. Niall looked hurt by my harsh tone, but left the bathroom, closing the door behind him. I stared at the closed door for a minute. I fell to the floor, silently sobbing. How could I have let him see me?! That was the worst mistake ever! I stayed on the ground like that for five more minutes. I finally pulled myself off of the cold tiles, and turned off the shower water. I dried myself off with a new dry towel. I tried to forget about all that happened. I pushed it to the back of my head, and tried to act normal. I fixed my hair, and threw on an outfit. I put on some makeup and jewelry. I walked out of the bathroom to see Niall in my room. I smiled, "Hi," I happily greeted him, acting like nothing happened. I heard Niall sigh, "Um, hi," He replied, and then walked out of the room. He was hoping that I had returned to normal. I cleaned up my room a little, then walked downstairs. I saw all the boys throwing on shoes, like they were leaving.

"Where are you going?" I asked, curiously. Liam looked over at me, as he put a shoe over his foot, "Oh, we're going to an interview. I think it's best if you don't come."

I nodded, "That's fine with me. I have some schoolwork to catch up on, anyways."

"Okay, well, lads are we ready?" Liam asked the boys. They all mumbled yeahs in reply. I waved to them cheerfully as they walked out of the door. Now's my chance. I quickly ran up the stairs to my room. I ran into my bathroom, and grabbed my razor. I created some new cuts on my wrist. The pain felt good. The cool metal slid across the thin skin on my wrists, creating perfect red lines. I watched the blood slowly drip from my wrists. My head was pounding from the horrible memories that wouldn't leave my mind. Stabbing, rape, and stalking were all haunting me. I dropped the razor from my hand. I sat on top of the toilet seat, and brought my knees up to my chest. I covered my ears with my hands, as my knees closer to my chest. The voices won't stop!

"STOP!" I screamed at myself, "STOP IT! GO AWAY!"

I can't take this! I need to find some way to make all this extreme pain simply wash away. The only way that would help me was cutting, but it's not strong enough. Then, I remembered a conversation I had with Father about four years ago. It was right after Mom died, and he used drinking as a recreation.
*


I watched as Father took another sip of the can of beer. I watched his every move, wondering how he'd react. Father had just started drinking immense amounts of alcohol, and it was beginning to scare me. He completely ignored me as he started drinking the beer. I watched him so more, and finally gained enough courage to speak to him, "Father... Why do you drink alcohol?" I asked, my voice quiet. He looked up from his drink.

"It is a good feeling," He told me, his voice had a bit of anger, but he wasn't drunk enough to get extremely mad, "It washes away all the problems you have for a little. It makes you forget why you are trying so hard. You can finally let go of the horrible anxieties in your head."

"Isn't it bad for you?" I asked, cautiously. He glared at me, "Who the hell cares? All I want is for the pain to go away."
*


It all hit me like a bomb. Father used alcohol to get rid of his problems. Does it actually work? I felt my head pounding like a drum. I need to get this to stop. Right now I'm willing to try anything to make every one of my problems disappear for just a little bit. I walked out of the bathroom, still clutching my head. I felt the blood still slowly rolling down my arm. I walked out of my room, and downstairs. I walked into the kitchen, and over to the fridge. I pulled the fridge door open, searching for the item I needed. My eyes skimmed the shelves, until I found what I wanted. I saw a bottle of liquor on the top shelf. This ought to be powerful enough. I pulled it out, and searched the cabinets for shot glasses. I found one, and pulled it down. I took the liquor and shot glass into my hands and carried it over to the living room. I set the items on the coffee table, and sat on the floor in front of it.

I hope to God this works. Please, make this liquid get rid of all my problems. I don't care if they find me drunk, I don't care anymore! I just want to make all the voices in my head stop yelling at me. I unscrewed the bottle, and carefully poured the drink into the small shot glass. This will be the first time I've ever drunk even a sip of alcohol. I picked up the small glass, and put it against my lips. Well, time to try something new.

I let the liquid slide into my mouth and down my throat. I felt a burning sensation as it slid down my throat. I coughed, as I tried to swallow it. I wasn't used to the unusual taste, but it caused my throat pain. I enjoyed the pain that made me suffer. I liked it.

I poured myself another shot. I placed the glass up to my lips, and quickly let it slide down my throat. I enjoyed the horrible burning sensation. Suddenly, my thoughts of enjoyment were interrupted by my phone ringing. I pulled it out of my pocket. Instead of answering the incoming call, I simply tossed my phone to the ground. I poured myself another shot, and quickly drank it. I enjoyed the taste of the horrible liquid. I felt my thoughts becoming hazy, and my vision was blurry. My stomach began to feel upset. I suddenly felt everything in my stomach rising to my mouth. I quickly ran into the kitchen and vomited in the trash can. I coughed as I threw up the alcohol that my body wasn't used to.

One little upset stomach wasn't going to pry me away from the liquor. I walked back into the living room, and sat in front of the coffee table. I poured myself another shot, and brought it up to my lips. I felt the liquid sliding down my throat, leaving a new burning sensation. The alcohol mixed with the leftover vomit in my throat, creating a horrible taste. I used more liquor to get rid of the taste, replacing it with the taste of alcohol.

Then, I started to forget everything. All the bad memories and I didn't think of trying to be all happy. I broke down sobbing loudly, as I poured myself another glass. I drank another shot, and I was starting to feel drunk. My head was cleared and the worries were slowly starting to slip out of me though my incessant tears. I felt an intense feeling of relief for a few minutes. I drank a few more shots, and I was now really drunk. But, I really didn't care. I was finally feeling better than I have in days. I heard my phone ringing a few more times as I drank away my problems, but I didn't bother to let phone calls ruin my fun.

It had been about an hour of drinking. The bottle of liquor was nearly empty, and I was now becoming dizzy. I had started crying for no reason, and then a few seconds later I'd start laughing hysterically. I didn't want this incredible feeling to ever end. My vision was blurry, and I was really dizzy. But, I didn't care. I was finally free from my scary nightmares.

Suddenly, the door burst open. I saw Niall run in through my blurry vision. I watched him run over to me, "Why aren't you answering any of my calls?!" He angrily asked me. I ignored him. He turned his head to the right to see the nearly empty bottle of liquor. His eyes grew wide, "P-Please tell me you didn't drink this..."

"I did," I stated bluntly.

"Why the hell would you do that?!" He yelled at me, "You hate alcohol."

"I had never tried it," I answered, my voice slurring, "And I love it."

I grabbed the bottle from the table to pour myself more. Right now my mood was calm, but it could change at any moment.

Niall yanked the bottle from my hand. I glared at him, "Give it back!" I yelled.

"This isn't good for you!" Niall argued, "Lots of bad stuff can be caused from drinking it!"

"It makes my w-worries go away!" I yelled. Niall looked at me, "You said you had no worries."

"Obviously I do!" I angrily yelled, "If you haven't noticed I have been severely suffering for the past few days, idiot! I hate everything! I-I just wanted to show you that I am a happy person! But I had to fake the whole thing!"

Niall's eyes grew wide as I told him the truth. The alcohol had left me completely open, and I would tell him absolutely anything, "Y-You didn't even care that I was suffering! I didn't know how to tell you all my horrible thoughts!" I yelled, "I just wanted someone to comfort me, but all you did was ignore me and yell at me! I started hating myself even more! I tried to make myself happy, so then maybe you would like me! I wanted someone to love me, but everyone was just scared of me! I let myself cry and cut myself secretly, so I wouldn't hurt anyone.... But, no one noticed, and I'm glad. I want to be the strong person that everyone loves, but everybody absolutely hates me! I hate myself, too, so why do they hate me?! I now only see him r-raping me and stabbing me again! I can't let anyone look at me because of how worthless and useless I am! I let a man rape me twice because I'm so weak! I don't want you to touch my disgustingly dirty body anymore! I'm just some toy men used, and I don't want to get you dirty because of my disgusting body! I hate myself!"

Niall was speechless as I told him all my thoughts. I let everything drain out, because the alcohol had completely taken over me. I didn't have a conscience telling me to hide my secrets. I wasn't thinking straight.

I reached to yank the bottle of liquor from Niall's hands. I grabbed it, and quickly unscrewed the cap, and let the liquid roll down my throat, leaving behind a burning sensation. Niall realized what I was doing, and yanked the bottle from my hand.

"I-I didn't realize you were suffering through all that...." Niall whispered, his eyes didn't even look into mine. They were staring off into space, like he was trying to grasp all that I said. I reached out for the nearly empty bottle, but he avoided my hand. He stood up, and tossed the bottle into the garbage can. I felt fury taking over me.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT!?" I screamed. Niall was surprised by my loud voice. He had never heard me yell so loud before.

"N-Nicole, you're drunk, calm down-" Niall said. I thrust my fist at him, trying to attack him. My movements were so uncoordinated from the alcohol, so I completely missed. Niall grabbed my hand, to try and stop me. I cried out in pain, because he touched my cuts. He immediately let go. Anger was still boiling over inside of me. I walked over to the counter, and picked up one of the glasses. I threw it across the room, and it hit the wall, breaking into a thousand tiny pieces. I threw another glass against the wall. I attempted to throw another one, but Niall grabbed my arm.

"LET GO OF ME!" I screamed.

"STOP IT!" Niall yelled. He held me back as I thrust my arms and legs. Niall flung me over his shoulder, as I pounded my small fists against his back.

"You're drinking habits are like your Father's...." Niall mumbled under his breath. He tossed me onto the couch, holding me down. He used his own hands to hold back my thrusting arms. My breathing was heavy and fast.

"Calm down," Niall told me, his voice serious. I felt the anger slip away from me. Instead of calmness, my body slipped into depression. Tears poured down my face as I let out choked sobs. Niall let go of me, and sat next to me. He pulled me close to his body. I started letting the tears pour, showing all my suffering. Niall whispered comforting words into my ear, as he rubbed my back, comfortingly.

"It's okay to cry, don't hide it anymore," He whispered. I wrapped my arms around him. I could sense Niall becoming relieved that I had returned to my old self. He wrapped his arms around me, and comforted me, "Sh.. It will be okay.... Just let it all out...."

I cried for what seemed like forever. I felt my body growing weak, from the alcohol. Niall laid my head on top of his lap, as he stroked my hair. I let out a few more sobs, and soon fell asleep.

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HAHA BET NONE OF YOU SAW THAT COMING! CAUSE I'M TRICKY LIKE THAT! I had that idea yesterday and I'm like YES THAT WILL BE INTERESTING! Btw, a lot of you think Nicole's gonna get pregnant. She's not. I don't want to deal with that because it will interfere with somethings that are going to happen soon in the book. Plus, I don't want to. Okay, well comment, follow, and fave! Bye lovelies! -Madison

p.s. I finally reached 8,000 reads on Save You Tonight and 1,000 on They Don't Know About Us! I just wanted to thank you all!! You're amaZAYN(; + I can't wait until November 23rd, 1Dday!!!!! YAAAY :D