5 Minute Reads | Anthology

What Love Is... by ashutoshmoru

21st June 2016

"You know she is dying right? She won't live longer than a year at the most." Stephen was still trying to get through my thick skull, I don't think it was making any difference. We were sitting at a cafe, across her home, the home I was going to live in for the next year or so, depending on how long she lived.

"I am not making any sort of difference am I? You are still gonna marry her right?" Stephen knew it was useless to waste any more breath.

"Yes I am, I don't think anyone can change my mind now, not even Sophia," her name rolled of my tongue, it felt different and yet endearing, "I don't know, I don't know what these feelings are right now. Maybe someday in the next year I will know."

19th July 2016

The wedding was a simple affair, the minister came home in the morning, we had some tea and cookies. Later, he married us both. Stephen and his wife Shelby were present, to bless us and be our witnesses. After the minister left, the four of us enjoyed a nice lunch courtesy of Shelby, Stephen's wife. Then in the evening I moved all my belongings in our house.

Our house it felt weird even thinking about it. Here I was living in Stephen's basement for the last year, just to be away from my constant feuding parents, and now I was moving into Sophia's apartment, where we would stay together, till the time came.

Sophia was dying, the day she told us we were devastated. We sat there in Stephen's house shaken, but it sparked something in me. For some unknown reason I decided to call her that night, to ask her if she would marry me, she cried on her end, I held my breath on this side.

We met the other day, she asked me if I was being serious, I said yes. She asked me again, she reminded me that she was going to die, the cancer would take her life eventually. But I knew I wanted to marry her, I couldn't bear to think of her alone, going through the pain of terminal cancer.

Now we were married, husband and wife, together in life, for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and health. I knew I would take care of her.

23th October 2016

Today was another tough day for her, the weakness has started to get unbearable for her, but she still feels humiliated to use a bedpan. I had to physically lift her and take her to the toilet, she felt so frail, I was afraid I would hurt her somehow by just lifting her, but she bore all this with a stoic face. She knew I loved her, I hoped I did too.

After helping her bathe and change into her fluffy pink bunny bathrobe, and helping her slip on her fluffy bunny slippers, she looked exhausted, just the simple task of taking a bath had worn her out so much that she fell asleep by the time I finished putting on her second slipper.

Later that afternoon we had one of our many small fights, she didn't want to eat. She hadn't eaten anything since the quarter glass of juice she had sipped for an hour before vomiting half of it. I pleaded with her at first, to eat some of the soup, I even tried to guilt trip her into eating a few spoonfuls, but to no avail, finally I sat beside her on the bed, looking stern, as she panted from our small argument, and the soup sat there on the nightstand getting cold.

24th December 2016

"I am sorry Stephen" I started apologising, but he cut me off.

"Stop it, I know you are an idiot, but she needs you, and you need someone to hold you up." Stephen consoled me in his signature style, not mincing too many words.

We both sat outside of the emergency room, Sophia had woken up in the afternoon vomiting blood, and I had rushed her to the hospital. The doctor said that one of her tumors must've burst, leading to internal bleeding.

"We both knew, it was going to be tough, she was going to suffer and you would suffer with her right?" Stephen said, his hand on my shoulder.

"But still, it's Christmas tomorrow, and Shelby is alone at home, at ten in the night!" I still felt bad for calling him, but when they took her inside for surgery I needed someone to hold me while I fell apart.

"What are the doctors saying?" Stephen asked.

"She has a few more months left, the cancer has metastasized to her internal organs, and is killing her bit by bit. Every day she is living, she is dying a bit inside."

29th April 2017

The funeral over, I sat in Stephen's house, alone. He sat beside me, sipping his bourbon, Shelby was in the kitchen brewing some tea for me. I was still here, two hours after the funeral, not wanting to go back to our home, I was dreading the empty apartment.

"Do you finally know? What made you want to marry Sophia? What drove you to commit yourself to this journey of suffering that you knew ended at a graveyard?" Stephen, never did mince his words.

"I think I know, yes I think I finally know" I shed a tear, my first tear shed, since the day I married her. Sophia, I finally knew what drove me to marry her.

"I wanted to stay with her, not let her be alone while she suffered. I've fallen in love countless number of times, sometimes with the same thing twice, I still own a model car of a Ferrari from back when I was seven. The tires are flat, the doors are loose, and it's missing its windshield. But hell! I still love it, it's broken and yet I refuse to let it go, I fight with whoever suggests throwing it away. You know why? Because, when something is broken, you can fix it and until it is fixed you are attached to it. Once things are fixed you can let go of them and sometimes we fear that letting go. I was afraid to let her be broken, alone."

***

Such is the beauty of human relationships, we fall in love with things that are broken, because we feel we can fix them. Most often, the best relationships aren't ones that have perfection in them, much rather they are between two ragged halves that stick together because they are broken at the edges. You fall in love with someone because you feel you can fix them. In a way we are all broken, and yet we strive to fix the 'brokenness' of others. We are all a race of engineers, of people who build bridges of relationships from the strength of broken pillars. That is why we wait every day of our lives, for that special someone who wants to fix you, to love you.