5 Minute Reads | Anthology

Happy Thoughts

By _Lorax_

I took a deep breath, gripping onto the arms of my backpack as my heart beat to the rhythm of my footsteps. The gentle October breeze pressed against my skin, causing my body to shiver and the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up. The leaves beautifully painted with a maple brown and yellow color danced with the wind, giving the atmosphere a touch peacefulness. But that feeling of serene seclusion was broken when I turned around, and saw you.

I felt my breath begin to hitch when my heart suddenly came to a halt. At first glance I knew you would be the death of me. It was written all over you like a marker on a whiteboard.

But that day when I should of kept walking, when I should have kept to myself, I pivoted my heals and took a step towards you, I allowed my longing for affection, happiness and love get the best of me. You were like a mirror that reflected back at me all my insecurities and fears. But when my hopeless love for you creeped out from the fissures of my heart, all I could see was a beam of light reflecting from your body.

You were beautiful in every way, but whenever I saw my reflection in you I couldn't help but feel disgusted. I would wonder why you chose me, but my diffident personality kept me from saying anything, even though my mind screamed for answers. You always knew when to distract me when I became hesitant. But sometimes the cracks in my heart would close, and the light that would shine from my body would suddenly disappear. I would be left with nothing but darkness, merely a shadow in your dull screen. So that night, when the label that was wrapped around my body screaming 'boring' was brought to your attention, you decided that I was nothing more than a used toy ready to be thrown away.

You left me bare that night, stripping me of my dignity and compassion for others. So when the sun drew from the horizon that next morning I walked through the halls, feeling the malice poison that you called love sink into my scars. People stared, but none of them could see right through me.

I was like a band-aid covering up an injury. People knew I was wounded, but could never see the full damage behind the mask. Until you decided that you couldn't keep your rotten mouth shut. You exposed me, so with every stare a deeper hole was formed into my heart, shattering my skin till I was nothing but a pile of dust. Along with the destruction of my heart, the longing for love and happiness disappeared too. Instead I began to crave attention and jealousy, meaningless affection from those who were easily shattered. So that night I glued myself together, becoming a mirror that gleamed in the light that others showed for me, until I could creep up and shatter them too.