Nanny

Exploring

"Nanny, where are we?" Darcy finally breaks the silence. It had been a quiet car ride, not even baby Ed made a sound.

"A secret place." Truth was she wasn't sure where they were either. She was driving with purpose and concentration but her mind had other plans.

They stepped out of the car to explore the area. The tall trees letting enough sun peek through and a creek not to far from there. Taking it all in, it seemed familiar. It was then that she realized that she knew this place. Her parents used to bring her here when she was the girls age. She couldn't think the last time she had been here but she knew they weren't lost.

The times her parents brought her here were being jogged in her memory. She had one more to make. It's a surprise nanny even remembered how to get here but this place was always relaxing. It had an aura of tranquility and peace. Today, she didn't know if it would be the same with three children.

She held baby Ed, who was getting heavier, in her arms. He was quiet which only meant he was tired or sleeping. The girls walking in front of her and looking around. It was a moment of exploration.

For the girls it would be taking in nature. For nanny it would be an exploration of her feelings which was natural for any human being. Being here, surrounded by nature, calmed her. The fresh air filling her lungs with every deep breathe.

No one seemed to be here. No cars or signs of anyone being here recently. Her surroundings were so calm and they only had a few hours at most before the sun set.

"Here lets lay down." Nanny didn't want to venture too far. And with the help of the girls she set up two small blankets that belonged to baby Ed. They laid on the blankets and nanny feeling some of the grass against her skin. The child laying on her chest fast asleep.

"Nanny? Why did we leave papa?" Emily asked. Her small hands picking at a strand of grass.

"Don't you mean why did papa kiss her?" Darcy wanted to know what was going on. Always wanting to know everything.

"Papa needed some time to do some important thinking." Nanny responding while looking up at the sky. She felt like a child looking up feeling mesmerized by the never repeating shades it would flaunt. The breeze that felt relaxing and reminded her that she needed some sleep.

"Does that mean that you and papa are going to be boyfriend and girlfriend? Is that what he's thinking?" Darcy didn't drop the subject.

"No, I don't know. Papa took me by surprise today. I'm sure it was an accident. Look!" She pointed at a certain cloud in the sky that looked like a bunny. Nanny successfully distracted them as they began to try and find different animals and shapes in the sky.

After a few minutes it was just the girls pointing out the shapes. They excluded nanny but it didn't upset her. She loved seeing her girls excited and happy. Now, she was left with her thoughts.

Thoughts of the kiss. That surprise kiss. The one that left her lips feel the ghost of his lips. The one that let her mind unclear.

There was part of her that wished Harry hadn't done it. What did the kiss mean? That she would be his secret lover? That he wanted more than a simple employer/employee relationship? Whatever it was her mind was making it all negative.

Like if he wanted just a lover, she'd be upset. If he wanted anything serious she was bound to mess up. They were bound to fuck up. A horrible, twisted ending.

If they didn't work out then she would be without a job and a home. Sure, she'd end up in a hotel room but that didn't sound appealing. The outcome overall wasn't pleasant.

It was ridiculous that she came up with a bunch of different scenarios in her mind when Mister Styles probably thought nothing of it. He was probably thinking of what to say without hurting her feelings. Yet, here she was daydreaming. Watching the sky and hearing the distinct voices of her two small girls.

"Why can't it be simple?" She whispered to herself.

She caressed the child in her chest. The girls making up stories as nanny tried to concentrate on them. Stopping herself from thinking about the one kiss that truly took her breath away. She would concentrate on these two lovely girls who wanted to be heard.

~*~

"Shit," he sighed. He couldn't seem to get things right. He just broke glass thankfully it was in the sink.

"First, I fuck up with Aubrey and now I can't even put the fucking dishes away. What the fuck?" He was taking to himself already frustrated.

He didn't want them to leave but they did. It was his time to think. Yet, he wasn't sure what he should concentrate in. He wanted to kiss her passionately and maybe he should've waited after talking to her.

He had to talk to her about his feelings which he had yet to sort. He knew that he felt attraction and love for nanny. The only thing he wasn't sure if it was the kind of love that would lead to marriage. Yet, he knew it was. It would lead there, eventually. If it wasn't because of love it would be due to conformity.

He hadn't asked her how she felt about him. For all he knew, she would give him a two weeks notice, if he was lucky. Worst case scenario she would leave after putting the kids to bed. She would've already told them she wasn't coming back. He couldn't picture her leaving without her saying goodbye.

He surely fucked up one of the best things he could've had. Once they spoke he would beg her if needed be. He would promise to keep himself at bay if it's what she wanted. But first he'd ask to be heard—to say that he kissed her because he wanted to, not because he needed to, and so much more to be said.

He wasn't sure where to begin but he had to get it off his chest. When was the last time he felt this nervous? Maybe the time he asked his lovely wife to marry him.

Maybe if he made a list of what needed to be said then he could start to sort himself out. He went over to his office and grabbed a piece of paper and pen. With his mind set he began to write in neat cursive what needed to be said.

After a while he had piece of paper with scattered writing. Some notes written on it. This wasn't going to help. Maybe a letter but that wasn't his style. It might be scary to talk it out but there was also emotion that couldn't be hidden when doing so.

He wanted to know her. Wanted her to convey her emotions clearly as he would. He hoped to say the right words. What he hoped most was not to lose her.

"What can I say to make you stay?"

{a/n}
June 17, 2016

Specially written for you! ;)
Next chapter is them talking...

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