Nanny

Lets Talk

"What are we doing?" She says as they both pull away to catch their breath.

"We were kissing. Can you stop overthinking it?" Harry just wanted her to throw her inhibitions away.

"Because I have three children that I love. I don't want to see them get hurt. And I don't want us to end in bad terms. I want to have security that when my time comes to leave I can come see them. That's all I ask for."  There was truth but also doubt in her words. Nanny already felt like she fucked up.

"They're my children. I know they love you and I wouldn't stop them from seeing you. But I also know that they would be okay with us being together. Somehow you made us a family. A family which had drifted apart and are together because you made it that way.

"You made sure these kids that in lucky to have had a father. A father to see them grow up. You were there when I wasn't sure I could do it by myself. You were my partner every step of the way until I could and even then we shared responsibilities. We decided to share those moments.

"There's no need for anything to change. Maybe, now, we both can kiss and hold hands. Do all those things that make people feel like a couple, feel loved.

"This feels like falling in love. We kiss because we're falling in love. Let it be." Harry stood in front of nanny. She wanted to let herself be loved and feel love but there was hesitancy.

"Why are you hesitating?" He finally asked. She wasn't moving or looking up at him.

"Because I'm scared that this won't end right. I fall for you and you realize that you want someone who is closer in age because there are times when I can be immature. That you realize that I'm not what you expected or wanted." Nanny finally looked up at him. Her voice face slightly scrunched in concern.

"You're not what I expected and not what I wanted," he said as nanny looked away. He grabbed her by the chin and faced her. Their eyes meeting once again.

"I didn't know what to expect from you since day one. And every time I thought I knew, I was wrong. You proved me wrong. You were better. To be honest I never knew what I wanted because those things are unimportant. We will always want something but it's not what we need. I'm not saying that I feel any less for you because I do want you but I also need you." He pressed their foreheads together lightly. Their skin grazing. Him wanting to kiss her again.

"Let me love you if only for a short time," he whispered against her lips.

"Maybe one night would prove us both wrong. There's no way we're both in love...sounds too easy." She put her hands in his arms. Their lips still grazing one another, while their self control was wavering.

"What if it proves us both wrong anyway? What if we're in love in all ways?" He couldn't help but hold her against him. His control wavering with every word, feeling, look, and the fire igniting.

"Then I would say give me love because you're the only one." She couldn't contain it anymore and kissed him. Both of them kissing again for the umpteenth time that night.

Nanny threw her indecision out the window at that moment. Never realizing how much her body wanted this. It was clear he had the same response to her.

Their kiss turning more passionate. She wrapped her legs around him which was not as easy as they made it seem. That made them both chuckle but continuing the kiss. He held her legs around him.

"Harry," she whimpered. He was moving and she wasn't ready. Sure there was passion and lust but there was also panic.

Nanny wasn't ready to take that step. It still made her shy. She felt when it came to sex there was always hesitancy. There was always some self doubt about performance and appearance. With the first time or with a new partner.

She had tried to do it once and it failed. It failed in the way she quickly talked herself out of it half naked. She should stop it now that she was fully clothed. She pulled away.

"Harry, stop," she said with indecision. She wanted to keep going but it wasn't time. It was hard for him to stop when he was already accelerated with thrill.

"Sorry," he whispered. Both of them catching their breath.

"I'm sorry, I just don't want to rush whatever this is. You're not even my boyfriend and I'm just giving you something that I value." Nanny wasn't all innocent but she surely didn't sleep with any guy. She only had one sex partner and that didn't end how she expected. They broke up a little over a year ago.

"Right, I'm sorry. I just assumed we both wanted it. Would you consider going out with me? Friday night just the two of us. No kids?" Why couldn't he sound confident like always?

"Friday night? Who's going to take care of the children?" She looked at him.

"I'll take care of that. So, is that a yes?"

"Yes, it's a yes. I hope we don't rush it or fuck up." There was no longer shyness. It was a sense of relief and lightness between them.

"I wouldn't let that happen. Let's see how it goes. Then the rest will come." He still held her. It didn't feel uncomfortable for them to still be in this position.

"For now, it's best not to tell the children. I mean, they're young but maybe not call it a date?" Nanny didn't want to confuse them.

"My girls are smart. They'll know somethings up. We can be honest with them." He sat on a chair with nanny in his lap.

"We could tell them but I think we should see how this goes first." Nanny getting off Mister Styles' lap. It made her feel like she could stay there for a long time. It wasn't right for her to feel that way. That's why she slightly blushed.

"If they figure it out I'm not lying to them. They'll be supportive of anything we do. You're like their mother. You're no stranger." He smiled as he caressed her face. Smiling at the way she was so easily blushing.

"I'm their nanny and they know it. They love their mother," she whispered. Maybe she was like their mother but she shouldn't feel like that. She didn't have a right to feel like they were her own children.

"I know they love her. They can still love you. My three little ducklings love you as a mother. I've noticed how Ed calls you mama. How Darcy looks to you for all the maternal things. How Emily will look to you as a mother. Sure the girls don't call you mother, mum, mommy, or anything close but to them nanny is close enough."

"Nanny," she whispered in content. Because those three little ducklings as Harry called them loved her too.

"Nanny," Harry said with finality. He pulled her in his arms. Both content maybe there was more to this but it was okay for now.

Both of them in each other's arms. Happy without a word. Silence was fine with both. It wasn't awkward or need to say something. It's been said and done. Now, they could look forward to their date.

{a/n}
July 12, 2016

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