Angelic Darkness //Alec Lightwood// (Editing)

Chapter 23- Goodbyes Are Never Easy

  The cheeky smile
Of jokes and laughs
The memories of times
We crossed the line
The stepping stones
Across my mind
Washed away
We all now feel so blind  

          ~Ed Sheeran~

Sneaking a Lightwood child out of the Institute was never an idea I had entertained nor was it something I wanted to ever do again. I wasn't certain why or even how it had come to this and looking over the last few hours I still don't see the point in which I decided it would be best to sneak out not only a Lightwood but the youngest Lightwood of all. It had been fairly easy to sneak him out, I had waited until it was bedtime, Jace texting me and telling me it was when they were going to try and get the cup, that Alec and Izzy were helping them and for me to lay low. He had also told me, over the phone, that neither of them were happy with me and he was worried that if they saw me something bad would happen, that they were different and he wasn't sure why. In turn I had I told him about Simon and how he could soon be a problem, hinting for him to tell Clary about the change in her best friend; he had said it wasn't important and for me to avoid the Institute, that he and Clary would swing by later to let me see the cup. It had been after that phone call that I realized the time and decided I should keep my promise, putting it off would get me nowhere but still, I couldn't figure out why I had taken him from the Institute.

"Were you alive during the first shadowhunters?" Max's innocent voice pulled me from my thoughts and I glanced over at him and Magnus, sitting in the floor at the coffee table, sipping hot chocolate I had made and eating chocolate chip cookies.

"I was alive when just before the Shadowhunters," Magnus lied though the way he weaved his tales it made it seem he was much older than he really was. Max gasped and launched into asking more questions, all to which Magnus told lies and half-truths but both seemed to be enjoying themselves. I had been worried at first, Max had never met a warlock and again, the Lightwoods were made to believe anything outside their family and The Clave was evil and out to get them. I shook my head, thinking about The Clave and the Lightwoods only seemed to upset me more, I still hadn't come to terms with being lied to my entire life and with Izzy and Alec acting strange I had only feared that they were just like their parents, a thought I never imagined having.

"Will you stop aging as well Auntie?" Max's innocent question called me to smile as I brought another plate of homemade chocolate chip cookies and set them down in between the two.

"Yes, I'll look how I do now, all warlocks stop aging at one point or another." I explained as I watched him eagerly snatch another cookie up and eat it, Magnus doing the same.

"It's just another perk, being a warlock and all." Magnus assured Max.

"I wish I was a warlock, maybe then I could help Alec and Izzy and even Jace and Auntie!" Max declared as he grinned at me. Seeing how honest and innocent he was made my heart swell and I couldn't fight the smile that formed on my lips. He always reminded me of a young Alec, the way he was determined to keep everyone happy and was always thinking of others. He even smiled just as bright as Alec had, this led me to wonder, when did Alec's smile grow so dim and why was I just now realizing it?

'You should call him, things will only be worse if you ignore him.' Magnus's thoughts filtered through my head and I glanced at him, but he had gone back to describing what it was like to be a pirate to Max, who was eagerly hanging onto his every word.

"I'll be right back," I trialed off, my words getting lost and not reaching Max, he was too caught up in Magnus.

I stood and walked to my room, gently shutting my door as I picked up my phone from my desk and pulled up Alec's name and number. The picture I had set for him had been a picture I had taken without him knowing, and I suppose he never will. It had been around the time he turned seventeen and when I had gotten my first phone. He and Jace had been in the green house, it had been considered a lazy day and Jace was carrying Max around, pointing and rambling off random facts I had told him about various flowers. Izzy had been laying on the stone bench, complaining because Jace was acting 'so uncool,' Jace had some remark, though I can't recall, it had made Max laugh and Alec to smile, an honest smile. He had been stretching his arms when he grinned at Jace and Max, I had taken the picture and made it black and white, and saved it as his contact photo; it was the only picture I had ever managed to take of him. Shortly after I had taken it I had joined him, standing as we watched Jace and Izzy bicker and Max laugh.

It was that memory that I kept close to my heart that made me grateful for the Clave and Myrse and Robert taking me in, regardless of their intentions. If it hadn't been for them I would have been separated from my twin, never met my best friend or the most adorable little boy in the world or met Alec. Alec to me, was an enigma, though I always told myself I could read him and understand him, there was hardly any times that I truly did. He was always catching me off guard, even with the little things like when he found out about my near death experience, he would always check on me at night.

Alec Lightwood was an enigma but in my time away from him and with the threat of me never seeing him again, I've realized that he wasn't just an enigma, he was everything and he was everything I lost. I hadn't even realized until I heard his dial that I had pressed call and was holding the phone so tightly I was surprised it hadn't broken. I hung up, gnawing on the bottom of my lip as I debated on what to say or do, there were no words to describe how sorry I was, how I regretted lying to him and for leaving without saying anything. With how I had ignored him when he had come to help, when he had caught me instead of letting me hit the floor. The strange ache in my chest formed as I realized that he knew the truth and perhaps that was why he hadn't answered me.

I closed my eyes as I dialed his number once more and pressed the phone to my ear. I listened to his voice, full of annoyance at Izzy and I having made him set up a voice mail.

'This is Alec Lightwood, either leave a name and number or don't call back,' the familiar beep filled my ears as words left my lips,

"Alec, it's me, Jarolyn, I just wanted, I, I'm sorry Alec, I don't know what else to say, I'm just sorry for everything, for not telling you about that night at the City of Bones, or for telling you about Magnus or for leaving, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you that night at the club or even when you came to Magnus's and I's hideout and helped. I should have, you should have been the first person I told, but I guess, well I guess I was more afraid of what you would think of me then Jace or even Izzy. I know, hearing it from Jace with everything going on, it made things worse." I paused, trying to keep from sobbing as tears left my eyes.

"I know that and I know that you probably hate me and are disgusted by me because I'm not a full shadowhunter, that I'm living as a warlock but I, I just wanted to thank you. Thank you for always being there, for picking me up when I fell or for holding me when I was afraid, thank you for being the most amazing friend I've ever had. Things are changing but I pray that you don't, I pray that you stay the same Alec that's every bit as intelligent and strong as Jace, that's a better leader than your parents and calmer than your sister, I, I just hope you don't lose yourself, Goodbye Alec." I hit end and dropped the phone next to me as I covered my eyes, softly sobbing.

I didn't want this to be how things ended, I wanted to figure out a way to keep Izzy and Alec and Max part of my life but with me having been a coward and letting Jace tell them, it wasn't possible. And with me having snuck Max out, there was no telling what more damage I had done. I sniffled, rubbing at my eyes as I dried my tears before standing and going to my vanity and applying just enough make-up to hide that I had been crying. I left my room, heading back to the living room only to see Magnus covering Max with a blanket; he must've fallen asleep.

"I'm sure after everything, he'll come back, and he doesn't seem like the type to give up." Magnus comforted but I shook him off.

"I'm going to take Max back, Jace said he and Clary would drop by after getting the cup but that was almost an hour ago." I replied I uncovered Max and carefully picked up as Magnus created a portal.

"I'll them in, I'm going to start charging them though, and I'm not doing this for the goodness of my heart." Magnus commented as he headed towards the kitchen, creating a portal on his way.

"I know and thank you Magnus, for everything." I whispered as I gave him a sad smile before stepping through the portal and into Max's bedroom. I laid him on his bed and carefully pulled of his coat and shoes, placing his coat on his desk chair and shoes at the foot of his bed before covering him. I stood there in the darkness, watching as he slept so peacefully. I used my magic to create a white lily and laid it on his desk before placing a gently kiss to his forehead and created another portal, leaving and returning back to the apartment. I went straight to my room, shutting the door and sitting on the edge of my bed as I picked up my phone and stared at the picture of Alec.