Anomalous Lovers.

A Loss

Pulling up to the house, I didn't expect to see Scorpio's car there. I said my goodbyes to Trey and quickly made my way into the house. Walking into the living room I paused, immediately spotting Shawn and my father having a conversation right there. "Where have you been? Everyone was worried about you. Shawn came by and told me you weren't answering him either." My dad raised his voice. "I stayed at a friend's, but I lost my phone at Red's. I still have to pick it up." I respond blatantly. "Let me get ahold of Ameer and let him know he can stop searching for you." Dad says as he leaves to his room, probably to retrieve his phone.

Scorpio looked me over with curious eyes. He makes a nodding motion with his head before speaking. "How'd you get home?" My face puzzled at his question. "How'd you get home? Red lives far and you left your car here. I'm sure you didn't walk." He says, slight panic burst inside of me. I had to think fast. I wasn't ready to tell him. I couldn't. "Her-her mom brought me home. Why does it matter?" I replied. He nods. He stepped forward, embracing my frame in a hug. "Hey, I'm sorry I didn't show up." He said. For a moment I didn't realize that he was referring to the funeral. Once I did, I nodded. "It's okay." I mumble. He had no reason to feel guilty. Leave that to me.

"Baby?" He says. "Yeah." I reply, pulling away from the hug, feeling too undeserving of his sweetness.
"How bout I take you out? We can go anytime and any place you want. How bout tonight." He suggests. "I don't know-" "Come on please? I just wanna get your mind off things." He pleaded. I nod reluctantly. "Okay," I fake a smile and he smiled back. "Wear something not so fancy, like jeans maybe." He said. "Are you leaving?" I asked. "I can stay if you want, or come by later" he replied. "Okay, you should go. Just so I can freshen up." I said. Truthfully I just didn't want to be around him too long. The guilt was eating away at me. "Alright." He smiles, kissing my forehead. "I'll see you later." He says, and finally leaves. I stood there staring at the door. I felt myself tearing up once again.

I didn't want to think about the outcome. I didn't want to think about life without him. I hurried up to my room, slamming the door. I needed to get out of these clothes. They were just a reminder. I felt dirty and disgusting. I decided I'd take a shower and try to clear my mind.

[...]

I couldn't go out with him tonight. I'd have a mental breakdown. I was panicking. I was never great at lying, or pretending to be okay.

I decided to call him. "Are you ready?" He asked. "No." I replied. "Oh.." The line went silent. "You alright?" He asked. "Can you come over?" I asked. "But I thought you weren't ready yet?" He said. "Just...please?" He was quiet. "Amira, what's wrong?" He asked. "I fücked up." I sobbed. It was all I could say. "What do you mean?" He asked. "Shawn please just come by." I replied. "Alright." I hung up. I had to tell him. I had to tell him now. I didn't want him to find out any other way. It didn't take long for him to be at my door. He doesn't live far.

"What's up?" Shawn asked, closing the door to my bedroom. He looked more closely at me, seeing I was crying. He smiled sadly, sitting next to me. He tried hugging me, but I rejected him. "Don't. I don't deserve it. I don't deserve you." I speak up. He fixed his face into a more confused one. I didn't want to let him speak yet. I wasn't ready for him to question me, or get angry. So I had to speak and explain fast. I was going to be straightforward. "Do you remember Trey?" I asked suddenly. He tenses up. "The kid from the beach? The one from Denny's, that you said I didn't have to worry about? What about him?" His attitude was apparent. "I went to Tito's party last night-" "Why would you even be at a party? You don't need to be partying right-" "I was overwhelmed and I just thought it'd help me get things off my mind." I explained. "Anyways, I..I got drunk and I accidentally got high-" "How do you accidentally get high?" He interrupted. "I ate edibles. I thought they were normal cookies, but I ran into Trey and...He took me home and..." I couldn't speak. The look Scorpio was giving me gave me regrets, but I couldn't go back now. "Why the hell would you even go to his house?!" I didn't respond. "Go ahead! Say it!" He threatened me to admit to my wrongdoings. Once again I found myself tearing up. This time, more out of fear. "You fücked him, didn't you?" His voice was cold. I sobbed, letting myself cry. "Why the fück are you crying?" He snapped. "I didn't mean to/-" "Don't give me that! I didn't mean to stay loyal to you. I should've cheated on you. I should've treated you like every other-" he paused, pressing his tongue to his cheek, something he did when he was angry. He bit down on his lip, standing up. "I'm really trying to consider the fact that you were vulnerable and blame this on everything that's been going on with you lately...but for now, fück that." He turned to leave. "Shawn don't go!" I rushed to grab his arm, but he pulled away. "Don't touch me. Don't even try to talk to me. If I want to speak to you, I will. But don't fücking try it." He spoke in a threatening tone. "Are you breaking up with me?" I asked. "Yeah, what the hell did you expect?" And with that, he was gone.