1. An angry man walks into a room to see his wife on a bed naked with another man.
Pissed off he yells," WHAT ARE YOU DOING?"
The wife whispers to the other man," See? I told you he is stupid."
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2. A genie asks a blonde," What do you want? A better memory or a smarter brain?"
The blonde responds," I don't remember."
The genie replies back," Well I was lieing anyways. A smart brain would've been too much for that small head of yours."
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3. Everybody keeps telling me " I'm soo lazy". I want to kill myself, but the gun is wayyy over there.
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4. I did not kill him, a bullet did. A bullet is made of lead, lead comes from the ground. The ground is part of nature. He died of natural causes. CASE CLOSED!
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5. I'm trying to convince my little girl to believe that it's ok to accidentally shit your pants,
She didn't buy it. She's still teasing me about it.
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6. Dear Math,
Please stop asking us to find your X,
I don't know Y she left either.
From,
A Smartass kid
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7. A three-year-old walked over and stopped by a pregnant woman while his mom was getting surgery.
"Why is your belly so fat?" He asked.
The woman smiled and answered,"I'm having a baby."
The boy's eyes widened. "Is the baby in your stomach?"
"Yep, it's a girl", She replied.
"Is she a good girl?" He asks with a puzzled look.
"Oh yes! Of course!" She answered.
He gave her a shocked and surprised face. " Then why did you eat her?!"
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8. The other day, I bought a pack of peanuts and saw the words "May contain peanuts" on it. Well no shit, Sherlock! I'll be surprised if I opened it and a cat falls out.
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9. A woman gets on a bus with her child. The bus driver suddenly said," UGGH! That's the ugliest baby I have ever seen!"
Fuming she sat down and whispered to the man next to her," The stupid driver just insulted my baby!"
The man nods and replied," Go up there and tell him off! Meanwhile, I'll hold your monkey. How's that sound?"
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10. I was at Walgreens today and I saw a boy crying because the mom wouldn't buy him a snickers bar.
"I don't have enough money," The mom told him.
"I'll buy it," I said.
"Are you sure? You don't have to."
"Sure. Haven't had a Snicker in a long time." And then I bought it and walked out the door.
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Updated! Boom, bitches. Peace out!
*Brofist*
YOU ARE READING
The World's Funniest Shit
HumorJokes, comebacks, insults, quotes, yo mama's, and other meaningless funny shit. I try to find some you haven't heard before because that's just lame if you've heard the same thing again and again. MUST READ if you don't I can't do anything but still...
