1. A policeman caught a teen speeding.
Police: I've been waiting for you all day!
Teen : Well, I got here as fast as I could!
___________
2. Three-year-old: Daddy, I want to play our piano but I can't open the lid!
Dad: Course ya can't, honey, the keys are inside.
________
3. Boy: The principal is so dumb.
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: Uh, a student?
Girl: Yeah, and the principal's daughter .
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No.
Boy: Good. (Walks away)
__________
4. *A boy whispers to his mom*
Boy: Mommy? Why's the girl wearing all white?
Mom: Because it's the happiest day of her life.
Boy: Then why's the guy wearing all black? Is this the worst day of his life?
_________
5. Husband watching a video: DON'T DO IT! YOUR GONNA REGRET IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! No. Noo. No. NOOO! YOU FUCKING IDIOT. WHY'D YOU SAY YES?! FUUUCCKKK!! Why is he such a dumb ass?
Wife: What are you watching?
Husband: Our wedding ceremony.
__________
6. Mom: Why's everything on the floor?
Me: Gravity, mom.
__________
7. Me: If you were locked in a car and all you had was a hammer, what would you do?
Friend: Smash the window!
Me: Wouldn't it make more sense to just unlock the door?
___________
8. Teacher: Kids, it's better to fail then cheat.
Me: Bitch please, it's better to cheat then repeat.
________
9. Mom: Clean your room, guests are coming over.
Me: Oh I'm sorry, didn't know dinner is going to be in my room.
Mom: No, it's in the kitchen.
Me: And then what? You going to take them on a tour through my room?
__________
10. Dad: Daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Come on, say daddy!
Baby: Mommy!
Dad: Fuck you! Say daddy!
Baby: Fuck you, mommy!
Mom: Honey! I'm home!
Baby: Fuck you!
Mom: Who taught you that?
Baby: Daddy!
Dad: Son of a bitch.
------------------------------------------
Fuck school, it's such a pain in the ass. There's so much fudging work and you actually have to think?! Who would've thought? Now, I gotta do my homework. Bye.
Just kidding. I never do my homework. And I don't get caught, cuz I'm sneaky sneaky. Na, but for real, I just do my homework in school for bellwork or something. Don't tell my teachers that....Peace out!
*Brofist*
YOU ARE READING
The World's Funniest Shit
HumorJokes, comebacks, insults, quotes, yo mama's, and other meaningless funny shit. I try to find some you haven't heard before because that's just lame if you've heard the same thing again and again. MUST READ if you don't I can't do anything but still...
