Remember Me This Way

12 - "Magbalik"

Aric

Nakaupo kame sa pinakadulo ng restaurant, magkaharap kame ni Hya. Halos naka dalawang salin na siya ng tubig sa baso niya. She was looking worried at hindi niya yon maitago sa kanyang mukha.

"Love, okay ka lang?" tatayo na sana ako papunta sa kanya pero pinigilan niya ako.

"I'm fine." matipid niyang sagot.

"Gusto mo umorder na tayo, baka nagugutom ka na eh. Yung dati pa rin ba? Ako na oorder ha--"

"No!" pasigaw niyang sinabi. Buti na lang wala masyadong kumakain ngayon at secluded ang area ng table namin. I saw Hya clutched the table napkin tightly na para bang nagpipigil. "Kaya ko umorder ng sarili ko. You don't always need to do things for me."

Is this the hormones speaking? She's suddenly grumpy and off ang mood.

"Okay. Alam mo naman na gustong gusto lang kita pagsilbihan. I know you can do things on your own but I love to still do it for you." malambing kong sinabi. I saw her look away.

"Hindi ako dapat na masanay pa sa mga bagay na hindi na rin naman magtatagal." nawala ang ngiti ko sa mukha, I grew puzzled in each of her words.

"Love...are you upset? Anong problema?" I was hoping for her to tell me about the baby. I wanted her to tell me that she's scared so I can hug her and tell her everything will be fine, dahil andito naman ako.

"I can't do this anymore 'Ric." the bland of my name in her lips twitched my heart in million turns. "I can't be with you anymore. Ayoko na." she kept saying. Parang walang preno ang bibig niya, na para bang hindi masakit ang mga salitang binibitawan niya.

Ayoko na. Dalawang salita na bumaon ng malalim sa aking sikmura. I felt my throat grew a lump, my mouth dry and my eyes sting. My heart is slowly breaking.

"Hya, what are you talking about? I think I did not get you. A-ano? Anong ayaw mo na?" I reached my hand to hers but she pulled away. Mas lalo akong natigilan at nanlamig. She is acting differently. As if I have done something terrible and unforgivable. Kung iwasan niya ako ng tingin at ng hawak parang may nagawa akong mali.

"We're done. I'm putting an end to us Aric. I'm sorry." binaba niya ang tingin niya mula sa akin papunta sa baso na walang laman. She is talking and her words were clear but none of it I understood.

"Hya, alam mong ayaw ko ng ganyang mga biro ha. Hindi nakakatawa." I warned her. I knew my eyes started to well but I did not mind it.

"Sorry Aric..." huminga siya ng malalim at nagpipigil ng luha "...it's just that one day I woke up I can't seem to remember what we used to be. Nawala ka na lang bigla dito at dito." turo niya sa kanyang puso at sintido. How could she say these words?

There was an awful silence that separated us. No one said another word but I saw her wipe her tears. I was staring at her the whole time but she wouldn't look back at me.

"Love, I know you're going a lot pero huwag mo naman gawin to Hya. I want to be there for you, for you and our child."

"Aric, ilang beses ko bang sasabihin sayo?! Hindi nga ako buntis!"

"Damn it Hya!" I hit the table hard and saw her startled because of it.

"Alam ko na okay? I saw your lab tests, nakausap ko pinsan mo at ang doctor mo. You are pregnant! With my child! Why do you keep on denying it?! Nakakapagod ng manghula Hya. So tell me?! Ano ba talaga ang problema? Why are you doing this? Why are you breaking up with me?" puno ng hinanakit ang boses ko.

"Believe me, I'm doing this for you! You wouldn't want me or this child once I fail you. I'm starting to fail myslef Aric. I don't want you to be a part of my failure." her head shakes continuously and her tears started to fall.