Remember Me This Way

Deleted Scene - 11

Hya

"Sorry...if I choose to love you by walking away." I continued but Aric didn't hear it anymore. He passed out after I said that I love him. I cried, kissing his lips even he was asleep. I kept on kissing him even when he is too drunk to even feel. I had to. I want to remember how his lips feel against mine. I want to remember that. I want to remember. Period.

Paano mo ba masasabi na totoong nagmamahal ka? Na totoong nagsasakripisyo ka? Na totoo ang pagmamahal mo? Kapag ba hinding hindi mo siya iiwan? Kapag ba laging siya ang pipiliin mo? Saka lang ba nagiging wagas yung pagibig mo pag ganun ang ginawa mo? Kapag ba aalis ka para hindi ka niya makitang nahihirapan, kapag pipiliin mong lumayo na lang bago mo pa siya masaktan, kapag ba titiisin mo lahat para sa kanya, kapag ba araw araw mong papatayin ang sarili mo sa sakit kung lumayo ka sa kanya? Hindi ba pagmamahal din yun? Alin ba sa dalawa ang tunay na pagmamahal? Yung nananatili kahit mahirap o yung lumalayo kahit masakit?

Parehas di ba? Dahil ang pagmamahal naman hindi nasusukat sa kung ano ang kaya mong tanggapin kundi kung ano ang kaya mong ibigay.

"Miss Bernardo...based sa mga naging tests natin sayo in the last three days, you are positively showing symptoms of an early onset Alzheimer's. It is a rare disease for your age." the doctor tells me, I can see that he is quite baffled by the information that he is parting to me.

He sighed "May mga tinatawag tayong genetically inherited na sakit at sa kaso mo, based sa family history mo,posibleng geneti ang cause nito. You said your grandfather suffered Alzheimer's too." sabi ni Dr. Lucas sa akin ng bumisita ako para sa clinic niya kanina.

"Doc, malala na po ba ako? Di po ba may chance na tuluyan na po akong hindi makakaalala? Kahit na yung mga matagal ko ng kasama hindi ko rin po sila matatandaan? Ganun po kasi ang Lolo ko eh..." tumulo na ang luha ko. He hands me a box of tissue.

"Yes Miss Bernardo. Kaya nga I told you two days ago na magsama ka ng isang tao na lagi mong kasakasama para maipaliwanag ko rin sa kanya ang mga dapat gawin regarding your condition. This disease is not a joke Hya, it will greatly affect you and you will certainly need help. Lalo na ngayon."

Hindi ko pinansin ang una niyang sinabi pero nagtanong uli ako.
"Wala po bang available na treatment."

"Meron, but it won't prevent it to progress. The treatment, it can help to at least stabilize you for sometime for as long as hindi ka titigil sa pangagamot. Pero sa sitwasyon mo ngayon, you are four weeks pregnant. I suggest, we start your treatment after you deliver your baby. May mga gamot kasi na magiging risk sa baby mo."

Huminga ako ng malalim at napapikit ako ng mata "Am I going to die?"

Tumingin sa akin si Doctor Lucas, tinanggal niya ang suot niyang salamin at inihilamos ang kanyang mukha na tila para bang nahihirapan siya g sabihin sa akin ang mga bagay na dapat ay malaman ko. "There is no accurate answer for that Hya. Sa mga kaso ng gaya sayo, when they are monitored , treated and taken cared of mas malaki ang chance na nagtatagal ang buhay. Don't lose hope. Mas advanced na tayo na tayo ngayon. Hindi man yan magagamot ng tuluyan, pero pwede ka pa rin mabuhay ng matagal with that disease." sabi niya na siyang nagpaluha lalo sa akin.

I shook my head in pain knowing there is no nope for me.

"Dying...Forgetting...I don't know what scares me more. I don't know what hurts me more." hindi na ako nahiyang humagulgol sa harapan ni Doctor Lucas.

Ang mabuhay na walang alala ay para ka na ring namatay. To be honest, death is bearable than living without memories. When you die, they will still remember you but when you forget, you and the people around you will die every day in a painful death of having nothing to remember. A blank past, a blurry future. You only have your present, you live for the day and when tomorrow comes, you start all over again. Who would want someone like that in their lives?

It sucks to be me.

Umuwi ako galing sa sementeryo, pinuntahan ko si Mommy at Daddy. I had to go visit them bago ko pa sila makalimutan. I cried and cried before their grave.

"Mommy, Daddy... you are always there watching over me. Pwede niyo po bang bulungan si God na huwag naman niyang gawin sa akin to?" I hugged my knees close and cried like a child.

Pauwi na ako sa amin at pagdating ko sa bahay naabutan kong nasa may mesa si Aric at mukhang nakainom. Nakatingin lang siya sa akin na punong puno ng sakit ang mga mata. Lumapit ako sa kanya, gusto kong sabihin sa kanya na mahal na mahal ko siya.

He mumbled words that I tried not to give meaning dahil ayaw ko ng magbago pa ang desisyon ko tungkol sa aming dalawa. Aric doesn't deserve this, he doesn't deserve someone who will forget him and his love. He doesn't deserve to suffer and to be stuck with me and my fate. I don't want him to remember what I could not. I want him to forget me, as I will soon forget him. To start anew, to find someone who will always cherish their memories together. Memories that I can no longer give him.

You're my end and my beginning but I can no longer end and begin with you.

I'm sorry Love, my memories of you and I are fading.

A/N

Hi! Hya and Aric wants to thank you for reading their story. Thank you sa mga kinilig, naiyak at sumubaybay sa masalimoot na kwento ng kanilang pagibig. Chos. We are down to 4 more chapters plus deleted scenes. So a total of 8 updates pa. Thank you sa lahat ng nagbasa kay Hya at Aric.

At sa lahat ng readers ko since HLWLY, padami kayo ng padami and I am grateful for everyone's effort to wait and to read my updates.

Masaya ako at isang story na naman ang matatapos ko. Every end is a new beginning. Wala na pong Part 2 or sequel ito dahil ito lang po talaga ang kwento nila.

Thank you, once again and God bless. 😘💙

#RMTW #Wattys2016