Saving Ally

Chapter 40

--Ally Christian

Over the next couple of weeks Drew has come back home, we had an amazing christmas, and the new years are now upon us. Christmas was very quiet yet enjoyable. We decided to get rid of the idea of presents mostly because we've been through so much crap that getting a present is too stressful. Plus, I already have everything that I could ever want.

The clock is counting down to midnight. Drew, his dad, and I are all sitting on the couch watching the ball drop. Drew and I are snuggled up underneath a blanket. We sit silently on the couch; the only thing lighting up the room are the tv and the christmas lights. I lay my head on Drew's chest, Drew's father sitting next to us in a robe with a glass of wine in his hand.

10...

9...

8...

7...

6...

5...

I sit up, and look at Drew in his eyes. We share a small smile with each other.

4...

I grab a hold of Drew's hand.

3...

I start to lean in.

2...

We close our eyes and both whisper one before kissing each other. Yet, as we do, everything becomes reality. I feel every emotion that I've felt over the entire year. I feel a hint of happiness and excitement, but then I feel a large amount of guilt and pain and sadness and regret. My body feels as if it's crushing itself. I try to open my eyes again once our lips part, but I can't. I start to hyperventilate and and I can feel my body heat up.

"Ally? Ally!"

I open my eyes and sit up in my bed. Mr. Borden sits on the bed next to me rubbing my back. I slowly look at him, my body shaking. He pulls me in and I give him a tight hug and start to slow down my breathing.

"Are you ok? What happened with Drew and everything?" he asks.

I look at him and say with a shaky voice, "He....he was kissing... he kissed Cindy..."

I break down in tears, shaking again. Mr. Borden gives me a hug and asks me with a soft voice, "I'm sorry... I'll talk to him about it, ok?"

I nod and wipe my tears and take deep breaths. Five minutes later, after I'm completely calmed down, I look at him. His eyes are glazed over with tears and filled with concern. His shoulders slump down and his eyes have bags underneath it, showing that he's tired and that he's had a long day.

"What was it about this time?" he asks.

"I forgave him," I whisper. "But even after I forgave him it hurt. Things still fell apart. I was happy at first, but it ended up just being a mask."

He hesitates before he speaks. "So you don't want to forgive him?"

"I...I don't know," I say honestly.

"Ally..."

"I know that you say that Drew cares a lot and you want me to give him another chance and that he's like the young you and that he loves me and that his eyes light up when he sees me, but I don't know if I can just forgive him this easily!" I lash out. He seems shocked that I just yelled at him. I take a deep breath and lower my voice. "I'm sorry... but in my dream I forgave him even though he broke me. I know that he thought I was dead, but he just moved on so fast. He makes me feel like I'm just one of the mistakes."

Silence drapes down over us. It's not the comfortable silence like it use to be. This silence fills our minds with unpleasant thoughts. Neither of us know what to say. Neither of us know how to fix each other. People always say to speak your mind, but how do you speak nothing?