This Time

Advice

After the last talk we all had, Fah and I became a bit closer. I think it's cool. I don't have a younger sister, now is the chance to be a good sister to somebody.

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"Hi Pie. Can I join you?" Fah asked me. I was just drinking coffee by the other side of the room, well it was only the two of us so it was a bit awkward if I would say no. Besides, Fah is now very close to us.

Everything was silent as we were eating because the others decided to eat outside, we let them be. Fah was looking at me and it seems that she was wanting to say something to me.

"Spill it out Fah, I know that face of yours." I said staring at her confusingly.

"I don't know Pie, I don't have anybody to talk about this problem of mine. I think you're the best person to talk to about this matter." She said, she really looked a bit stressed, what's her problem?

"I'll help you, what is it you have an inquiry on?"

"Well, I don't know where and how to start. Well..." Looking at her, she was now blushing. Wait! Don't tell me...

"You ran from a proposal as well? Gosh Fah. When did it happen?" I felt a small slap at the back of my head. It was Fah.

"Hey what was that for?" I blurted. This girl, doesn't she remember that I am much older than her.

"You assumed I ran away from a proposal when you knew that I never really had a boyfriend before!" She said while looking at me with a 'duh' face. Oh yeah, I remember, she was part of the No Boyfriend since Birth group. "Sorry" was all that I can utter. I let her continue her sentence. Looking at me with a can-you-let-me-finish-first look, she continued her speech.

"Well, it's about my crush. Pii, as you can remember, I want to know if she likes me too. Because I think I really like her. It's like my every breath depends on her, and the scary thing is that...this is the first time I felt this way. Lately, we've been going out and we talk a lot. I like her company and she enjoys mine too."

"So what's wrong with that?"

"I don't know actually. I don't want to care but I want to care." Wow, this girl is crazy, I thought.

"In that case how can I help you, or how do you want me to help you?"

Fah let out a deep sigh. I wish she can just tell me, I'm no oracle that can guess what she has in mind. Whatever that is, I think it is really bugging her and she has no one to talk to.

"I don't know if I have to tell her that I like her or what should I do? I want her to notice me but at the same time I don't want to appear as the one who is courting her. This is the first time I felt this, and I myself am not ready to come out as a lesbian." I saw Fah sigh as she looked at the window, I can feel her.

I moved my chair near her as I tapped her back. I can sense that her major problem is that she's not yet ready to accept the fact that she likes this Pii, and not ready to be out as a lesbian as well.

"I know how you feel. You know, when I first met Kim, I really didn't liked her?

Fah looked at me with a confused look. "Kim is charming and you didn't like her?"

"Yeah, I didn't like her alright." I laughed. Remembering the first time I met Kim, that smile she showed me was still fresh in my mind.

"Can you tell me more about you and Kim before Pie? I think we have all day since Van isn't around and we don't have that much of revisions to do."

"What do you want to know?"

"How you knew that you liked Kim, when and what did you do about it?"

"Wow! That's too much for an advice you're asking! Slow down!"

"Come on Pie, I really am willing to listen, I want to know your love story with Kim. How it started and how you managed to handle it."

"Well, I'll just tell you bits." Fah nodded and so I started the story telling.

"As I told you earlier, I really hated Kim when we first met. She was a transferee in our school way back then together with Shone, they were really friends, they won't go anywhere without each other's company."

"Why did you hated Kim?"

"I don't hate her, I just don't like her because she's a tom and I was not comfortable with toms before. I was also labeled as a homophobic person before. So I never really wanted to be friends with her."

"How did you two became close?" wow, this is a lot of reminiscing in one day, I thought.

"Well, there was a project that the both of us and we needed to partner up. I wasn't really happy to be partnered to Kim, but I had no choice because we were not allowed to change our partners. I was not comfortable with Kim when we started to do the project. She was the one who always manages to talk to me but I kept myself distant from her even while doing our project." Fah looked at me with a go-ahead-continue look. And so I did.

"I shut off Kim many times when all she can do was to be nice to me, because I was not feeling comfortable with Kim. She would ask me on what I want to design the project, bring me food and many more. Her, doing that made me think that she was hitting on me, but that was me making up stories. The entire time Kim and I were doing the project, she never made me feel uncomfortable, she makes sure that when we do the project, we do it in public so I won't have an issue. But still, I wasn't good around her." I sighed remembering the next thing that happened.

"We were not able to pass the project on time, that was because of me, not cooperating with her. After that project, Kim distanced herself from me, ignored me and didn't talk to me. At first, I was totally fine with it, but in the latter days noticed that I can't take it how she treats me and decided to talk to her."

"Then what?" Fah was listening eagerly to me.

"I asked her what her problem was, her answer really struck m hard and made me feel guilty as hell."

"Look Pie, I have no problem, it's you who has a problem. I know you don't like me or being around me, but I still hoped that you can be considerate on being socially involved with me because of the project. Me, being a tom doesn't have anything to do with you, but because we failed, I almost lost my scholarship which is by the way the reason why I was working so hard on that project. Please, if you don't like me, I can't do anything about that. I'm not forcing you to like me and be friends with me. I just hope next time, you be more mature with this things. I'm sorry for saying this words, I just want to make it clear that I am not hitting on you, so stop being judgmental on any tom you see. You have a good day Pie."

"Wow, you really screwed up Pie. I will hate you too if I were Kim." Fah said looking at me bewildered.

"I know, after that, I can't get Kim out of my mind. I was so eager to gain her forgiveness, and Kim being a really nice person forgave me and we became friends after. Then the rest was history. Some people see me and say that "Homophobic Pie is now friends with Kim, but I didn't care. I felt good around Kim." I summarized.

"I want to hear the rest of the history Pie."

"Some other time Fah, but for now, I want you to know one thing. If you won't be brave to admit yourself that you like a person, then I don't think that you will ever be brave to have a relationship. It takes two to tango; you both need the courage to make it work. I don't think it's a bad idea for you to tell Pii that you like her. Just tell her that you feel that way, looking at you, it seems that you two are close, it's better to ask questions than to let yourself hanging you know. If we're afraid, we lose everything we have because we're focused on the fear rather than the things that overcome fear. "

"Wow, thanks Pie. I'll think about that, I think you should do the same, go ask Kim about how she's been. Tell her how you feel."

"I'm getting ready to do that. Thanks." I hope I can do it sooner too. Soon.