This Time

Still the Same

"Here, home sweet home." Kim pulled the car over. I was just looking at her; the ride was not really that long. It was a 15 minute ride, no traffic since its kind 'a late already. The ride was just silent, I can't start a conversation and neither does Kim since she was driving. But I really missed her mere presence. I just feel really safe around her. Just like before. Why do I even feel this way when I know that I am totally fine. Or that's just what I want to think that I am fine? Ugh.

"Thanks Kim. I owe you one again."

"Well make it two then. You go inside, and I'll see you in the office. Sleep well Pie. Goodnight." She flashed her sweetest smile. Those smiles again. I will never get enough of those. Sigh. Why didn't I start a conversation in that 15 minutes that I was with her.

"You too Kim. Sleep well and keep safe while driving. Turn off your lights okay? You might get migraine again."

"What? You still remember that?" she looked at me with a surprised look.

Oh, did I just remind her with what I usually do when we were together? Shit! Great Pie, ugh. There is no taking back, think to cover up.

"Yes of course, it's not that I can forget your silly habits. Anyway, I'll see you. Good night Kim." I smiled, to cover up the embarrassment that I felt. Great Pie. Ha-ha. I went down and she beeped her car before drifting away.

---

After an hour that I came when Kim dropped me by, I heard a knock from my front door. It's Fern for sure. I'm somehow excited with how her date with Shone went. So I hurriedly went to the door and to my surprise, it wasn't Fern.

"Kim. Why are you here?" I'm not stuttering this time. She was looking exhausted and she looked like she was about to say something to me. I was nervous since she was not speaking and she was just looking at me, I was puzzled. And how did she know that this was my apartment?

Instead of answering me, I saw Kim staring at me. The same stare she gives me before when she says she misses me. I missed her too, she doesn't look fine.

"Did you forgot something Kim?" how can she forget something when I was the one she dropped here. She didn't even go down when we came, that's just impossible.

"Yes. I forgot something."

"What did you forgot?" I was still thinking what she might have forgotten. She looked at me in her eyes, those same stares that catch me. We stared at each other when she finally spoke.

"This."

Then she held my face and the next thing I knew is that our lips met like it never did before. She kissed me! Gosh! Kim was kissing me!

That same kiss she gave me before, I was lost. I missed her kisses, her lips that tasted like a catch of summer breeze and her lips so soft like marshmallow. Before I can register what happened, I was totally kissing her back. None of us wanted to stop kissing, like our every breath depended on it.

I missed her so much and I can also tell she misses me by the way that she kisses me. Her kisses were still full of love, care and gentleness. The same kiss that makes me felt secure from a long time ago. The kiss that makes me fall for her and that I will never get used to. The kiss I missed since the last time. And now, I'm kissing her again and tasting all of it.

She trailed her hands at my back and my mouth betrayed me when I heard myself moan a little. She was touching me, how can this get better? My body is heating up. I can really feel that my body longed for her touch. Don't get me wrong we never really did it, Kim was really a gentle woman and never pushed me doing those things or going this far, but tonight might be an exception since I can sense that she also longed for me.

"I love you Pie, I always did."

"I love you too Kim. I always have. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you before. I missed you so much baby." I was crying while she wiped my tears using her thumb and kissed me again. This time, it was a more passionate kiss. We were inside my apartment, I was dragging Kim but we didn't stop kissing each other. Gosh. This is a long kiss and I can feel that this will be a long night. Please, if this is a dream, I definitely don't want to wake up. But it feels so real so I doubt this is a dream. Kim led me to my bed and when I was lying back and she was on top of me, I felt like my world was shaking.

"Pie. Pie wake up!" I felt a hand shake in my shoulders. What?! It was Fern. Where's Kim? And what am I doing here in my living room?

"Why did you sleep here? Good thing I checked on you before dropping by at my place." She asked me worriedly. So it was a dream. What a weird dream. Wishes don't really come true. I hoped not to wake from that dream, but I feel perverted with that dream. Gosh, Kim is so real there! How naughty of my thoughts.

"I was tired and thought of relaxing a while here. I didn't realize that I dozed off." That was the truth. Fern eyed me as if I had some explaining to do. Hey, for the record I really did doze off. I wasn't making up stories and I was really dead tired. The dream might be a proof of the tiredness that I felt. Yeah the dream, that weirdly good dream.

"Okay, good thing that you're fine. Where is your car by the way? It's not outside."

"Oh, I left it in the office parking lot earlier. It wouldn't start. Kim gave me a ride home. I'll go get a mechanic check my car tomorrow." I said without blinking.

"Kim gave you a lift? Wow, that's good. How did it go?" Fern's starting up a conversation again. If I would evaluate the whole time during the ride it was...

"Normal. Totally normal and absolutely normal."

"Just normal? Can you define normal?"

Come to think of it. How do I define normal between me and Kim? What is normal when I am around her? My heart beat isn't normal around her. My body temperature is not normal around her, and I definitely am not normal when I am with her. Jeesh!

"It's just fine. We were civil and we haven't really talked." I looked at my couch when I tried to recall the feeling back in Kim's car. How did I felt inside there? I felt secure and safe. I felt like a princess again being saved by her knight in shining armor. I couldn't find the words to say, it just felt so right. Fern looked at me with a go-on-continue-speaking look.

"The silence while we were both in the car was not really awkward it was actually a good kind of silence. It was actually one of the best silent moments in my life." I wouldn't deny that. "I just missed her presence around me. I missed her so much Fern." I said it right. No need to hide from Fern. She was my best friend. She should know. I tried to hide my feelings every time Fern was around me, I don't want to her to think that I haven't moved on from Kim. But this time, I just had to let it out. No more strong Pie.

"I know. I was just waiting for you to admit it to yourself that you missed Kim, and that somehow, you still longed for her and wished that you both can be back as before." Fern held my hand as she sat beside me. "You have to admit it to yourself Pie. Admit it that you are not over Kim yet and you're still in love with her, that way you'll know where you have to start." She looked at me with sincerity.

"I'm sorry Fern." I said while I felt water escaped my eyes. "I'm sorry for making myself believe that I was actually fine. Sorry for being like this and sorry for bringing you into this mess." I felt her hugged me and she didn't said a word. She just hugged me and made me feel that everything will be just fine.

"It's okay Pie. We'll take from here. I'm your best friend so it's my job to keep you company. Okay?" I nodded in response, and then I realized that everything was actually okay. It was fine to feel the same for Kim, even if it was just me feeling it. I know that everything was still the same, and hoping that everything will be the same... AGAIN. Especially after that dream. Gosh! Here goes my mind again.