Down in the Forest || Joshler [Completed]

16- Sing a Chorus

It's 3 am. Go to sleep. Close your eyes and sleep. Just sleep.

I rolled onto my back and sighed. I brought my hands up to cover my face. Every time I blinked, my tired eyes stung. My mind wouldn't let me sleep.

I stood up out of bed and grabbed a hoodie off of the ground. I slid it on, being engulfed in its warmth. I looked down at myself and realized it was Josh's. I figured he wouldn't mind too much. I walked over to my bag and grabbed what I needed.

A pen, my notebook, and my ukulele.

I took silent, socked steps to the door and let myself out. The door closed with a click and I sat on the railing. I positioned myself so that I was leaning against a pillar, my legs dangling over the edge carelessly. I set my notebook and pen next to me and held my uke in my arms.

I began strumming mindlessly. The chords seemed to fit together perfectly along with the chirping of bugs. When I found the chords that moved how they should, I set the instrument aside and flipped through my notebook for words that could fit. When I did, I grabbed my ukulele again and began to sing.

You will never know what's behind my skull
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.

My voice broke and I coughed before resuming.

You will never know what's under my hair
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.

I thought about my parents. I thought about my teammates. I thought about Josh.

You will never know what's under my skin
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.
You will never know what is in my veins
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.

I strummed freely, the emotion exiting through my hands and throat.

Won't you go to someone else's dreams
Won't you go to someone else's head
Haven't you taken enough from me
Won't you torture someone else's sleep?
And you will never know what I'm thinking of
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye
And you will never understand what I believe
So won't you say goodnight so I can say goodbye.

I sighed at how words from last year seemed to fit tonight perfectly.

Haven't you taken enough from me
Won't you torture someone else's sleep?
Won't you go to someone else's dreams
Won't you go to someone else's head.
Haven't you taken enough from me
Won't you torture someone else's sleep?

I paused and stared at the page. That was all I had written, but it wasn't done. It couldn't be done. It was missing something. I set my uke to the side again and flipped through the worn down pages. When I found an older poem of mine, I paused. The lines had a similar meaning to the rest of the song. I tried a few times to set it to the chords I had arranged. Once I had it to a point I liked, I tried to play it.

I start to part two halves of my heart in the dark and I
Don't know where I should go
And the tears and the fears begin to multiply
Taking time in a simple place
In my bed where my head rests on a pillowcase
And it's said that a war's lead but I forget
That I let another day go by

My fingers began to burn from how hard I was playing. I hadn't noticed that I was getting louder. I tried to say the words quietly, but I was too deep.

I want to be afraid but it seems that these days
I'm caught under water and I'm falling farther
My heart's getting harder, I'm calling my father
Am I screaming to an empty sky?
Empty sky, no way, that's me 'cause one half of my heart is free

I stopped. My fingers hurt and my eyes were stinging. I reached up to feel tears. I spoke the last line again. My voice, though, came out as more of a whisper. Before I could finish, my sobs won over. It felt good to let everything go. I had been so afraid of Josh seeing me cry. I was trying so hard to be strong for him.

Why?

I had only known Josh for two months and he was all I cared about. Everything that I did, revolved around him. He had dug his way into my life and I didn't want him out. I liked being the strong one. It felt good being needed by him. And I needed him too.

He made sure that I ate food and kept it down. He calmed me down when the kids were being rowdy. He made sure that I relaxed when I got a migraine. He encouraged me to have fun. He was there for me.

Joshua William Dun. This boy I've known for almost three months. This boy with messy, red hair. This boy with a beautiful smile and a beautiful laugh paired with it. This boy that makes me happy. This perfectly, imperfect boy.

I have to tell him.

I smiled when I realized that I had stopped crying. I sighed and looked up at the sky. It was nice to see the stars above and feel insignificant. We don't always need to feel so important. It's good to realize that we're just a part of something bigger and more important than our own lives.

I grabbed my things and walked quietly back inside. I put everything away and fell asleep snuggling into Josh's hoodie.

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A/N
I think maybe 10 chaps left !

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much love, dudes