Down in the Forest || Joshler [Completed]

26- Standing in Front of You

A/N
I was gonna update last night but I fell asleep while writing oops
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It was Friday and Josh wasn't at school. Again. He hadn't answered any of my hundred phone calls or texts messages. He went home after lunch on Wednesday and hadn't been back since. I asked everybody about him and nobody knew anything.

When the final bell rang, I grabbed my things and walked to the locker room. I changed slowly and dragged my feet as I entered the gym. The coach yelled for us to hustle.

"Come on, Tyler. What's wrong with you?" Chris said, slapping a hand on my shoulder and running ahead of me. I jogged to catch up to him.

"Nothing. I'm just tired," I said. It wasn't a total lie. I'd been staying up late waiting for a reply from Josh. I didn't know why I kept waiting. I knew that he wouldn't answer. I guess a part of me was still hoping.

"Well, you better wake up," Coach Meyers said, pushing past me. "This may be the first practice of the season, but don't think for a second we're gonna go easy on you boys. Suicides. Now!" We lined up and awaited his whistle.

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When practice ended, I changed out of my shorts and tank top and washed off in the shower. I let the cold water drench my body and closed my eyes. I sighed loudly.

"You sure you're just tired?" Nick asked, entering the shower next to mine. I pulled my curtain closed more securely to be sure he couldn't see anything. My scars were fading, but not quick enough.

"Yea."

"Okay," he said. He didn't sound like he believed me, but he wasn't one to talk about feelings with. Nick could be very insensitive.

I finished my shower quickly and changed back into my school clothes. I checked my phone to see a text from my dad.

Dad: Can't pick you up from practice today. I have a late meeting. Your car should be out of the shop by Monday but you'll have to walk home today.

I sighed and slammed my locker shut. I put my earbuds in and scrolled through my music as I started walking home. I decided on Green Day. I hit shuffle and the first song that came on was Good Riddance. It reminded me of Josh and I quickly changed it.

My heart is beating from me
I am standing all alone
Please call me only if you are coming home

Skip

Come together like a foot and a shoe
But this time I think I stuck my foot in my mouth

Skip

I text a postcard sent to you
Did it go through?
Sending all my love to you
You are the moonlight of my life
Every night, giving all my love to you
My beating heart belongs to you
I walk for miles 'til I find you

I sighed in frustration and stopped the music. I looked up from my phone and saw Josh's house in front of me. I froze. I just stood there, staring at the window that I knew led to his bedroom.

"Knock," my mind demanded. Slowly, I moved myself to the front door and raised my hand. I took a deep breath before knocking. I heard footsteps and soon was greeted by a smiling Mrs. Dun.

"Oh, hello, Tyler," she said, smiling. "What can I help you with?"

"Um, hi, uh, is Josh h-here?" She must've heard how nervous my voice was because she narrowed her eyes before answering.

"Yea. He's up in his room. But, he's been sick for the past few days." He had lied to his mom. Josh would never lie. Especially not to his mom. "Is everything okay?"

"Super," I said, quickly. It was probably too enthusiastic for it to be believable. "Can I talk to him?"

"I-I guess so. Go ahead up, son." I thanked her before walking in the door and up the steps. With each step I took, my urge to turn back and go home grew. When I got to his door I thought I was going to puke. I forced my hand against his door and waited.

"Come in," he said. His voice sounded rough and sad. I opened the door and saw him sitting cross-legged on his bed. He looked up at me and his eyes widened. "What are you doing here?"

"I-I, uh, need to t-talk to you," I stuttered.

"There's nothing to talk about," Josh snapped back.

"Yes there is."

"What? What could there be to say you haven't already made clear?" He crossed his arms over his chest.

"I am so sorry, J-Josh." I felt a lump grow in my throat and struggled to keep going. "You didn't deserve what I did. I don't know why I let those guys make me the way they do. I hate them. I hate myself when I'm with them. But, I-I need you." I let my face fall into my hands and released my cries.

"Tyler," Josh started.

"But," I said, cutting him off. I brought my head back up to look at him. "I understand if you hate me. I deserve it. I was terrible to you. Just like I was terrible to Ryan. I'm terrible."

"Yea, you are," Josh said. I looked away and let more tears go. "But, I need you, too."

"What?" My eyes met his.

"I can't help it. Even though I'm mad at you, I've fallen for you. That's why it hurts so bad. That's why I couldn't stand seeing you at school. I need you so bad and I can't have you."

Y-you can have me, Josh!" I moved so I was standing right in front of him. He looked up at me from his bed and shook his head. "How can I prove it?"

"Show me," he said. Without a second thought, I cupped his face in my hands and pulled our lips together. It felt so right to be kissing him again. He began to kiss back but pushed me away.

"Tyler, not like this." My heart shattered. "We can't do this. I need to know that you are okay with people knowing. I don't want to be your secret. I just want to be yours."

I pulled my hands away and they began fidgeting in front of my chest. I looked away from him and tried to form words.

"Can you please leave?" He looked up at me expectantly. I nodded and walked out the door. I jogged down the stairs and began running. I felt my legs burn as they carried me home.