Midnight Lullabies

38 | Of numb hearts and final goodbyes

I'm tracing my steps back on my map,
but I cannot pinpoint where I've gone wrong.

And you stand there,
Under the star laden sky,
Moonlight on your lips,
Secrets in your hair,
Telling me you love me.

But I cannot say it back.

There's a desert in my throat,
And my tongue is tied,
Into knots I cannot unravel.

Words that once flowed effortlessly,
Rolling off my tongue,
Dribbling down my lips like honey,
Have become stuck in the crevices of my teeth.

My mind is a hurricane of memories,
Backwards, forwards,
Pause, play,
Yet I cannot find the moment I've lost my grip.

Routine loving has bored me,
And I am losing my mind.

My heart is numb to the words you throw at me.
I am begging myself to feel, feel, feel.

But I stare in blankness instead,
Into the specks of green in your eyes,
Shaking.

It's the cold, I tell myself.

I am not worthy of a love so pure, it burns me.

I am shaking. Perhaps it is from the knowledge that I am about to break you.

But it's time to dispose of this plastic heart and tell you:

I am sorry.