Midnight Lullabies

39 | How to Be pt. 1

How to be smart: a manual

Day turns to night,
But you can't tell the difference
With your head buried in books
And pens lost in your hair.

How to be smart. How to be smart. How to be smart.

You stuff more information into your head than it can hold and take the risk of exploding because
you
H
A
V
E
to be
smart.

Two points removed because you forgot to change the signs;
And you bury your paper in your bag out of embarrassment.

Swearing you'll pay attention to the signs next time,
You pick up your tears,
Swearing you'll do better.

Introductions to sleepless nights
And problems to solve
But you just c a n n o t remember the goddamn equation.

So you run your hands in your hair and tighten your fists around it
Close your eyes
And think god damn it think.

Twenty seven alarms spaced in 3 minute intervals because you h a v e to get up two hours for the test and revise.

And so help me god if you mess up with the signs — wait that's not biology.

When the time comes
Your palms are sweaty

And your heart is beating beating beating like drums like the tapping of your pencil on the paper because I swear I revised this last night how could I not remember like your head that's throbbing throbbing throbbing like the constant pulsing pulsing pulsing under your eyes because you barely sleep now like the blinking blinking blinking of your eyes that's trying to stay away for goodness's sake God please help me like the ticking ticking ticking of the clock and you circle option C because that's the one that makes the most sense like the tapping tapping tapping of the teacher's foot in front of you and he announces time is over

And you breathe out and sigh in relief because it's over now.

You come back to an empty home because your mom is out working trying to provide for two and you look in the mirror.

Julia, dear, what do you see?

Your eye are sinking
In a pool of red
And your skin a dusty ashy grey
Your lips bleeding bleeding bleeding
Because you can't stop chewing on them.

Julia, dear, tell me was it worth it?

A/N:

OMG YOU GUYS
I JUST REALISED
YALL MADE THIS BOOK HIT #31

NO JOKE I AM SCREAMING OMGKDKAA
IM SO HAPPY I LITERALLY CANT EVEN TELL YOU HOW MUCH THIS MEANS TO ME OMG ILY ALL SO MUCH

THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR YOUR SUPPORT 😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️