Jesse's Girl

Chapter Sixteen

I gave you guys an insight on Beca's life without Chloe, so before I move on any farther, I just want to give you an insight about Chloe's life without Beca. There's obviously not a lot of differences in their emotions, but there are some.
The song used in this chapter is I Hate You, I Love You. I changed some of the lyrics, so I have a lyric video of the original attached for your benefit. And the song lyrics are bolded in the text. Enjoy!

You Were My Everything quickly went viral after Chloe had shared it with YouTube viewers, throwing her into the profession she's always dreamed of. She was quickly discovered and given her own little entourage of helpers to assist her in her writing and gigs. She was happy with her new position in the world but the only emotion that she could show was the sadness that filled her.

She missed Beca so much, that she couldn't deny. There wasn't a day that had gone by that that gust of sadness and ping of anger didn't explode in her heart, indicating that her mind was stuck on that girl. She didn't want it to be. She wanted so bad to just move on and expand her music beyond the heartbreak, but it was impossible. She'd start a song that she'd think would steer in a different direction, but by the end, it'd be the same. It was as if that subject was a magnetic force and her words the sheet of metal.

"Feeling used
But I'm
Still missing you
And I can't
See the end of this
Just wanna feel your kiss
Against my lips." Chloe sang the first few lines passionately as her fingers swiftly flew over the keys of her piano. Her group of people gathered around to judge the artist's newest work. "And now all this time
Is passing by
But I still can't seem to tell you why
It hurts me every time I see you
Realize how much I need you." Her critics immediately recognized the song's subject and were ready to decline, already having enough love songs from the girl. But before anyone could speak up, the chorus came and left them all memorized. "I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want him, you need him
And I'll never be him." She had them hooked, then shocked as she continued, dropping "fuck" so carelessly throughout the next couple verses.

"I miss you when I can't sleep
Or right after coffee
Or right when I can't eat
I miss you in my front seat
Still got sand in my sweaters
From nights we don't remember
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Fucked around and got attached to you
Friends can break your heart too
And I'm always tired but never of you
If I pulled a you on you, you wouldn't like that shit
I put this reel out, but you wouldn't bite that shit
I type a text but then I never mind that shit
I got these feelings but you never mind that shit
Oh oh, keep it on the low
Are you still in love with me? And he just doesn't know?
If you wanted me you would just say so
And if I were you, I would never let me go

I don't mean no harm
I just miss you on my arm
Wedding bells were just alarms
Caution tape around my heart
You ever wonder what we could have been?
You said you wouldn't and you fucking did
Lie to me, lie with me, get your fucking fix
Now all my drinks and all my feelings are all fucking mixed
Always missing people that I shouldn't be missing
Sometimes you gotta burn some bridges just to create some distance
I know that I control my thoughts and I should stop reminiscing
But I learned from my dad that it's good to have feelings
When love and trust are gone
I guess this is moving on
Everyone I do right does me wrong
So every lonely night I sing this song

I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I want you
You want him, you need him
And I'll never be him

All alone I've watched you watch him
Like he's the only thing in this world
Did you ever care as much as I did?
Or did you not give a damn about me?
Yeah all alone I watch you watch her
She is the only thing you ever see
How is it you never notice
That you are slowly killing me

I hate you, I love you,
I hate that I love you
Don't want to but I can't put nobody else above you
I hate you I love you
I hate that I want you
You want him, you need him
And I'll never be him."

"So, what'd you think?" She asked when the music died. "Well, we feel like you need a change in pattern or you'll become the next Taylor Swift. But, aside from that, we love it. Its got heart."

"I know I need to change it up, and I will. But I guess I'm just getting it out of my system. I was in love, head over heels. She hurt me."

"We understand. Now do you want to do this song as a solo or would like to do a duet? It could be both." Chloe thought about her options for a minute or more before making a decision. "Solo. I think I really want to express this one on my own." With a nod, it was marked and their work day ended.

After everyone said a goodbye and disappeared through the door, Chloe was left with her own devices. She sat at the piano a little longer and scanned her living space. She hadn't moved out of their apartment since Beca left. She knows she's just torturing herself with the memories, but she couldn't bring herself to leave. Once her torture ended, she lifted herself and dragged her body to her once shared, but now lonely bathroom.

She started water for a shower then stood and stared at herself through the mirror. It reflected back something almost monstrous its so abnormal for her. Her hair had begun to slowly fade from from her loved red look back to her blonde appearance, there were black bags forming beneath her eyes from lack of sleep, and she had even started to lose muscle tone as she had flaked on her normal workout schedule. "Oh Chloe, what happened to you?" She questioned herself. "She is just a girl. Stop letting her do this to you." She had another moment of silence as she scanned herself again before she reached up and tugged on a chain that clung around her neck, pulling a ring from the protection of her clothed bosom.

She stared at the huge diamond ring, remembering the way that it almost overpowered the tiny finger it once took residence upon. The day she gave the ring away to the most important person in her life, blindly handing her heart over with it, was the day she became the happiest woman on earth. She was going to marry the love of her life. Her world was filled with sun shines and rainbows for months, but dark clouds quickly rolled in and turned her happy place into a place of blinding darkness. No joy has touched that area since the day she found her ring sitting at her beside alongside a note that rammed her heart back into her chest, wounding it to the point of no chance at healing.

She unhooked the chain from her neck and wrapped the ring in her fist, squeezing it so hard it dug into her palm. She glanced back up at the shiny surface of the mirror, only then did she notice the tear falling down her cheek. She wiped it away roughly, that ping of anger hitting, and held it above the trash bin. She contemplated just dropping it, dropping the only thing that Beca had left behind into the garbage, never to be seen again after trash day. At last minute she snatched it back and placed it on the bathroom counter. "You're not doing it for her. You're doing it because you spent your savings on that." She told herself confidently. "Fuck her." She stripped her clothes quickly and stepped into the tub, letting the water, pelting from the shower head, engulf her body in its warmth.

"Rebeca Renee Mitchell means nothing to me." She repeated this to herself as she bathed. She scrubbed her body long and hard as if she could scrub away every touch, every word, and every memory.

Not much else I need to say. I hope you enjoyed. And your feedback is always encouraged. I want to know your thoughts and ideas for this story. For all of my stories. I love you guys!!!!!