nothing like us

Chapter 1

September 6, 2017

BELLA

I've come a long way since the day of my graduation. The months I spent alone, crying over the person that I loved were very hard months. But I am slowly recovering. I grieved over him. I mourned over the loss of the love we shared.

In the beginning, it was easier to think that it was all fake. That, in reality, I didn't love him at all, and I was just intrigued by the idea of being with my brother's best friend. Although I quickly came to realize that was far from the truth.

I loved Justin. And he loved me. We shared, by far, the best experiences we could together in the short time that our relationship went on. Every touch, kiss, word, was all real. The only thing was that it was hidden behind lies. The biggest lie of all being the real reason as to why he came to live with us.

I later found out that almost everyone knew the truth, except for me. My brother knew, and that was why he was the most upset about the knowledge of our relationship; because he knew Justin hadn't told me about her yet.

"No! You don't know him. You have no idea who he is. I do! You don't know about-"

"She does! She knows everything, Tony." He cut him off, while he coughed up the blood from his mouth.

My brother was right. I didn't know anything. When he said that, I thought he was talking about the way Justin 'used' to be. The player that he was. But he was talking about the future wife I didn't know about.

Isaac knew, but he only found out on the day of my birthday.

"Wait, this is that Justin?"

Obviously, Abby had to have known, and I wasn't surprised when I found out Malcolm and Nicole knew as well. Everyone from spring break was sworn to secrecy by Justin not to bring her up. Ricky didn't like our relationship, because apparently he, Justin and Stephie were all friends in high school.

I was so angry at everyone when I found out that I was basically a joke. No one told me something that I clearly should've known and I was devastated. But then I realized that the only reason they didn't tell me was that they knew how much Justin and I cared for each other.

I began to rebuild my relationships with everyone that I alienated because of what happened with Justin. They understood completely and I got all my friendships back. Malcolm was the most forgiving, he felt bad for keeping it a secret from me, as did Isaac.

The only person I wasn't able to speak to was Ricky. After graduation, I hadn't heard a thing from either him or Justin. It was weird knowing that we were broken up. Somehow he had gotten all of his stuff from his room, or Anthony packed it away for him and there was not one trace of his existence in the house.

Though the memory of his and our time together lived in my brain forever. I constantly thought about him, and I thought about where he was or what he was doing. I imagined him, sulking. Admittedly, I wished he was just as sad as I was without him.

He never left my mind, even the times that I almost went crazy thinking about him. At first I wanted his memory to be permanently erased from my brain but after a while, I didn't even mind. Having him there reminded me that I was loved by a person unconditionally.

I don't even hate him. I miss him, more than anything in the world. I've imagined hundreds of scenarios where I would see him again. And each time it's like something out of a movie where I run into his arms and we're happy again. I know that it's unlikely to happen for me, given my luck I'll probably never see him again.