nothing like us

Chapter 47

March 10 2018

BELLA

Soda was spewing out on the kitchen floor, and for what felt like minutes I was just watching it happen. My hands were covered in it, so were my socks and I just – oh my god. He's here. Why am I like this? It isn't so bad, I work with him every day, and he was here before at Christmas to drop of the presents. But he's never been here as in with me. In the same house. In this same house. In months. This should not be a problem. There isn't one. He's here for my brother. He isn't with me. Right?

I drop to my knees before he can even look at me, and all I can hear is his deep voice saying hello, how can I see his smile right from over here? I grab a roll of paper towels, and it does such a mediocre job of soaking up the pop on the floor, but I refuse to get up. Not until I have an action plan. What do I say to him? Do I even say anything? Would it be appropriate to call him Justin? Is it appropriate to call him Mr. Bieber at my brother's birthday party? Maybe I should avoid him as much as possible, you know, fade into the crowd and maybe give him a quick weak and pathetic wave. That wouldn't be right either. I'd have to see him on Monday, and I don't want anything to be awkward. More awkward. Maybe I shouldn't avoid him but –

"Are you avoiding me Isabella?" My heart just threw itself on the floor, and I had to fight the strongest urge not to smash my head into the tiles. I look up, from his sneakers to his head, his smell lingers and it's like I'm frozen again. He is standing there, white shoes, blue jeans, grey sweater rolled up to his forearms. He has a Rolex watch on his wrist, both arms covered in sleeves of tattoos, I hadn't seen them this close up before. And actually, seeing them, not just a quick glance when he raised his arm. He looked about ten feet tall, and I was sitting on my knees in a pool of pop, looking up at him like a deer in headlights.

"I'm – no I'm not avoiding you. Why would you think I'm – no I'm not I just, I dropped Pepsi on the floor and I'm cleaning." I look like an idiot, don't I? Ugh, I wish he could just kick me in the face with that perfectly white shoe of his and knock me unconscious.

"Let me help you," Before I could say anything to protest, he reached in the drawer behind me and pulled out a dish towel. Now he was on the floor next to me, cleaning up my mess while I just stared at him. I'm not angry, or happy, or sad or anything really ... well just one thing. Guilty. This whole flood of guilt just washed over me as I looked at him and I didn't know what to do. "Here," He stands up and holds out his hand, I take it and he's picking me up from the floor. He rings out the towel in the sink, and then looks back at me with that million-dollar smile.

"Thank you," I say, after a swallow the guilty lump in my throat. I need to just, act normal. "It's good to see you," We embrace in an awkward hug, those hugs you give to the aunts you never see accept for at family gatherings. But he holds his hand on my waist, and for just a second longer I'm in his arms and it feels good. I almost feel his lips press against my cheek, but I can't be sure.

"I hope it's alright that I'm here, I knew it was Noah's birthday," Of course he did, of course he remembered because that's just who he is.

"Oh of course, I'm happy you came. For Noah, he really uh misses you," We were inches apart, standing in front of the sink and I leaned my elbow against the counter.

"So, where's Jack," My elbow slipped, and I hit my head against the faucet. Now? Now I look like an idiot. I know. Don't tell me. "Oh god, are you okay?" Nope, and I'm pretty sure the goose egg that was going to form on my forehead was going to show everyone.

"Yeah, I am, I just -"

"You're bleeding Bella," Of fucking course I am. "Come you should wash up," He grabbed my hand again, took something from the freezer and led me upstairs. It was almost as if I was in his house. I mean, it used to be. He led me into the bathroom, our old bathroom, and sat me down on the counter. It's as if the bathroom was left untouched. Even though his things were gone, it's like it was a year ago, accept it wasn't. Everything is just so different.