nothing like us

Chapter 46

March 10 2018

BELLA

I can't believe I'm saying this. But my little brother... is six years old! Noah's birthday. Last year was amazing, but I vowed to myself to keep the tears at a minimal for this year just for the sake of another year, and another year old.

For quite a while, my brother, my mom and I have been planning Noah's birthday party, to make it extra special. For the past few days we have been in an endless cycle of balloon orders, plates, cups, napkins all with Noah's favourite T.V show. Some may say we are going a little above and beyond, but they don't know how important Noah is. And how happy this birthday really needs to be. I mean, my brother is probably the smartest six-year-old I know, and ... well ... it's Noah, need I say more?

To some – not many – but to some, it may seem like we're going over the top. It is only his sixth birthday. To some, maybe we shouldn't be buying balloon arches, and personalized cupcakes, but again, that is only to some. I guess I should just say it ... Jack. He thinks it's too much, but like I said before it's Noah, and he hasn't quite grasped the full weight of what that means. Which is why I haven't invited him to the party.

Before anyone gets their shit in a twist let me explain myself. Jack and I haven't been dating for very long, and while the dating is going good so far, I just don't think it's quite the right time for him to meet Noah. That's a lot. If you meet my brother I might as well be thinking about marrying you, and I just don't think we're quite there yet. Don't get me wrong, Jack is great, but he isn't Justin.

And no, I don't mean that how you may think I mean it. I mean it in the point of view of my little brother. Noah and Justin have this bond that is pretty inexplainable. And Noah really attached himself to Justin, especially after we started dating. If anything, I think Noah called it before anyone else. But when Justin and I broke up, I don't know why it felt like the bond was severed, and I can't help but feel I am partially to blame.

I mean, he hasn't even grasped the full meaning of our breaking up, he still asks me when Justin will come over, or when we can go to his house and it's hard to tell him that he won't be. Jack meeting Noah just ... I just think it's too soon right now.

Noah is different, a lot different than most kids, and he won't just up and feel as though he can bear his soul to Jack and I don't want him to get confused or feel like he has to pick sides. He just doesn't deserve that. Especially not on his birthday.

In my car I have these huge balloons that spell out Noah's name, and I'm quite sure that everyone on the freeway is staring right at me, but I honestly don't care. I am determined to get these balloons to my house in once piece, and I refuse to have even one of them pop. I'm pretty sure I'll have a mental breakdown, and I'm not trying to do that today. Noah has been spending the morning with my grandma and my brother, which gives my mom and I enough time to set everything up. This year, we opted out of the surprise party cause I'm sure we all know how that went, and I'm not trying to repeat that.

"Mom!" I call. My hands are full of balloons, and when I open the door – with one hand by the way – I don't see my mom but I see the living room. And it safe to say it looks like Disney Junior threw up all over here. Is there anything wrong with that though? Nope. Not. At. All.

"I'm in here Bella!" She yells back from the kitchen. "I think I messed up the cake!" Oh god, how can one possibly ruin a store-bought birthday cake. I drop the balloons near the couch, and everything else in my hands and run over to the kitchen.

"What did you do?" My mom is a hot mess right now. Her hair is up in a weird ponytail and I'm pretty sure there's some kind of food in it too. Her shirt has about twelve different stains on it, but at least the kitchen smells good.