The End Where I Begin (Book Four of the Glen Power Series)

Chapter 2

Tangled up in his arms, I lay staring at the ceiling in the dark. Only a few hours until we leave. I really should get some sleep...

But I can't. There's something playing on my mind. Every time I close my eyes, the thought screams in my ears. The tightness in my chest scares me...

The night time is always the worst. Whilst Glen sleeps, I'm totally alone with my thoughts. Not even his soft snoring or his breath against my neck can silence them. They haunt me, a constant reminder of what I cannot do...

He hums, just like he always does as he's waking up. Shifting slightly, I see him peer at me through one heavy lid. He sighs sleepily, pushing his face deeper into my neck.

“Hey,” I feel him breathe. “You okay?”

“Yeah,” I lie. Maybe the haze of his sleepiness will stop him from thinking straight. But that doesn't fool him.

“No point lying, babe,” he mumbles. “I'm half asleep, but I know you.” He places a soft kiss against my throat. “What's up?”

“It doesn't matter.”

He pushes himself up, resting his head on his hand. I can feel his gaze on me, but I don't want to meet it. I feel so ashamed to be thinking of this again. But I just can't stop it...

He traces meaningless shapes on my stomach as his nose pushes against my jaw. That soothing method of his very rarely works. He knows it. But sometimes, like tonight, it's all he can think to do.

“Hey,” he says softly, beckoning me to look at him. I feel my head turn to look at him, our noses grazing against each other. The moon catches his face so beautifully... “Everything you feel matters to me. No matter what time it is, you can talk to me about anything. You know that, right?”

I do. I know he will listen to me about anything. Even through the thickness of slumber, he manages to ease my worries whenever I need him to. No one quite has an effect on me the way he does...

But he's heard this too many times. Dealt with this issue over and over. Trying his hardest to reassure me and get me to stop worrying. But nothing will ever make this right. Nothing at all.

“Talk to me,” he murmurs. “Let me in.”

I feel the tears well up, emotion tightening my throat. As his fingers weave into mine, I realise that I can't get out of this. I'm going to have to drag it out again. I sigh shakily, the blink of my eyes blurring my vision of his perfect face.

“I can never give you a baby.”

As the words hang in the air, I realise that I've made a fatal mistake. I shouldn't have told him. I should have lied and made something up. Even if he could see through me, it would have been better than opening up old wounds.

I hear his defeated sigh as he rests his forehead against mine and I can't bear to keep my eyes open any more. I hold back the sobs that are desperate to burst out, knowing that it will only make this worse. I've hurt him again.

“It's our last night,” he mumbles eventually.

“I can't help it.”

He sighs again, pulling away from me slightly. I can feel the disappointment oozing from him, even though he tries to hide it. But just like he knows me, I know him. And I know the damage I've done.

“I've told you that it doesn't matter,” he says quietly. “Why can't you believe me?”

“Because it does matter. Having a family means the world to you.”

“We can still have a family. We can adopt...”

“But that's not the same,” I say, choking on a sob as I finish. “That's someone else's baby. Someone else's flesh and blood. We'll look into their eyes and know that we didn't bring them into the world. They will always be something we had to take off another family. Because I'm inadequate...”

“No.”

His voice is firm and my eyes fly open in shock. The look on his face is heartbreaking. Tears glisten in his eyes, his bottom lip is quivering. And as he pushes his face right up against mine, I can feel him shaking in my arms.

“You're not inadequate,” he says with determination. “You're not broken. You're not wrong. You are perfect. Just the way you are. I would have you no other way. The fact that we can't have children...”

“You can have a child,” I cut him off. “It's me that's...”

“The fact that we can't have children,” he continues slowly, “is just a part of the plan that life has for us. If I wanted a baby that bad, then I could just go and find some random woman. I wouldn't need someone to care about. I would just need a body to carry it. But I choose you. I choose to spend my life with you, the woman of my dreams. Someone that I can never imagine being without, that fills me with love every second I lay eyes on them. That's you, Emie. And if I have to spend my life without ever having children, then it's a life I'm more than happy to live.”

I whimper as his words hit me. Why do I constantly do this to him? Why can't I just let the matter lay? My demons...will they ever go?

“I'm sorry,” I sob. “I'm so sorry.”

I'm not quite sure what I'm apologising for. Whether it's the fact that I'm crying, the words I've said, or for having that fucking ulcer in the first place...It's probably for everything. All of it rolled into one. But it doesn't matter. All that matters is that I get rid of the look in his eyes. The one that I put there.

His lips cover mine with a kiss so tender that it sends shivers down me. I kiss back through my tears, my emotions forcing it to deepen. As our needs take us over, he rolls on top of me. Pulling away ever so slightly, he looks at me. Staring right into my soul.

“I love you,” he breathes. “Never forget that.”

And I'm lost in his love.

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A/N - Hey again! Another quick upload tonight. Hoping it's as powerful as I wanted it to be. Just giving you a bit of insight into Emie's mindframe, and Glen's too. So yeah, let me know what you think. What you think will happen, what you think they're feeling...all that stuff. Yeah. Okay. Going now. Vote, comment, do your thing. Much love x