The End Where I Begin (Book Four of the Glen Power Series)

Chapter 7

The decision for me to continue this pregnancy is a big deal. Not only am I risking my life for the one of my unborn child, but I'm more than likely risking my relationship with Glen. And to me, that's more important than anything else in the world.

We try to keep as little people involved in this as we possibly can. Obviously, we have to bring Rina into the plan. Mark couldn't exactly go back home and pretend everything was alright. I think he may have tried, but Rina figured it out. And Danny...well, we can't really keep him out of the loop either. He's nearly as important to me as Mark is, so I can't keep it hidden from him.

I'm not sure if what they give me is support. They know as well as we do the danger I'm putting myself in. But they're doing they're best to be as uplifting as possible. Fake smiles and awkward hugs are just what I need right now. Any kind of encouragement is good right now. Especially as its not coming from home.

Glen's come to terms with my decision. But he doesn't like it. I mean, I don't blame him. In his shoes, I would more than likely be the exactly the same. If anything put his life in danger, I would go to any length to make sure it didn't happen. So the fact that I've gone against him probably hurts him more than anything.

But I need this. I need this baby. I need a family that I can call my own. We had a chance before, and it was brutally taken away from us. This time...This time it could be different.

It will be different.

I keep trying to convince him that this is a good thing. That the benefits outweigh the risks. But he doesn't listen. All he sees is...well, he won't tell me what exactly. But I get the gist of it. And no matter what I tell him, it won't change a thing.

To make things a whole load worse, my morning sickness is getting worse and worse. I can't get up in the morning without having to rush to the bathroom. The slightest smell of meat makes me nauseous. It can even wake my up in the middle of the night. So now I'm on a strict diet, sleeping at strange times of the day. Anything just to make my life easier.

But tonight is not one of those nights. It's three in the morning and I'm gripping the toilet as the water I forced down my neck last night comes right back up. And once that's over, the dry heaves begin. Oh Christ, they hurt so much...

“You okay?”

I manage to turn my head to look behind me at him once the attack is over. He's dressed in an old shirt and some boxers, hair sticking up from the few hours sleep he's had. Even through the agony I'm feeling, I can't help but adore him. I shake my head before another wave hits me violently.

I hear him sigh and sit down beside me. A twinge of disappointment stabs me in the heart. He barely touches me these days. Long gone is the honeymoon period. Real life has hit in. And I don't like it at all.

I groan when it's over, holding my head in my hands. He hands me glass of water that I take without looking at him. I sip gently, trying to rehydrate myself again.

“You can go if you want,” I mumble bitterly.

“It's okay.”

“You don't want to be here, Glen. It's fine. You can go.”

He doesn't move. Stubborn arse. I sigh angrily and turn my head away from him. I can't show him just how much this hurts.

“Are you getting any better?” he asks me.

“No. Worse. Every day is worse.”

“This didn't happen last time.”

“Things change.”

The silence looms again. And as we sit here, I remember that I need to tell him something. I've been putting it off for the fear of the answer. But I guess now is as good a time as any to tell him.

“I've booked the scan.” When he doesn't answer, I carry on. Just to fill the silence... “It's next Friday. I've booked the afternoon because of all of this shit. Mark says he'll come with if you don't want to come.”

“What makes you think I don't want to come?”

“The fact that you won't come near me any more kind of says it all.”

“I come near you...”

“I'm sat throwing my guts up right now, and you're sat all the way over there,” I snap, glaring at him. The guilt in his eyes rips through me and just makes me angrier. “You want to know why I think that? Because you don't want this baby. And you resent me for deciding to keep it. And to punish me, you stay the hell away from me and have nothing to do with anything baby related. So no, Glen. I don't think you want to come. I don't think you want to come at all.”

I can hardly move as the next wave crashes over me. I forgot about the water that I've drank. So with the suddenness of the nausea, I completely miss the toilet. The shirt of Glen's that I fell asleep in last night is soaked as the rest hits my bare legs. And through my shame, I continue to heave, completely powerless to do anything about the embarrassment.

I burst into tears once I have the strength to. I'm so humiliated. So angry. So upset. So alone...

I feel his hands on the shirt as he settles behind me. He gently tugs on it, silently telling me to lift up my arms. I do as he wants me to, letting him pull the sick-stained shirt off my shaking body. And in it's place, he exchanges his own. He pulls me back against his now naked chest, wiping off the water from my legs with a towel. I slump against him, exhausted from the crying and the sickness, revelling in some kind of contact at long last.

I feel his lips against the clammy skin of my neck as he pushes the hair that's stuck to my face out of the way. His arms hold me possessively and, much to my surprise, he rests his hand on my stomach. Gentle. Loving. Just like the man I used to know.

“You're right,” he says softly. “I've been pushing you away. But I didn't realise that I was making this whole thing worse. This is harder for you than it could ever be for me. You're the one that's got to suffer every day. And as wrong as I think this decision is, you're having my baby. I love you. And I love our baby. No matter how hard I try and tell myself that I don't, I can't lie any more. I'm going to be a father, and I love our child already. I need to start acting like it. I need to be a better person for you. We'll get through this. I promise to be better and get you through this. For us. For our family. And nothing will stop me from going to the scan with you. Nothing at all.”

I spin around, wrapping my arms and legs around him as his words sink in. This is what I've been needing to hear. I know he isn't happy about this whole thing, but he's here for me. He's going to support me through this. Glen is here for me. And that's all that's ever mattered to me. 

He gathers me into his arms, lifting me gently off the floor. Carrying me through to the bedroom, he gently lays me down before settling right up close to me. Having this close to me after three weeks of distance is just perfect. Linking our fingers together, he rests his lips lovingly on my forehead. And this is enough for me drift into the best night sleep I've had in a long time.

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A/N - Just a bit of a filler chapter here I guess. Not great. Not very long either. But I needed this to happen. So yeah. Okay. Let me know what you think! Vote, comment, do your thing. Much love x