The End Where I Begin (Book Four of the Glen Power Series)

Chapter 6

The words puncture my heart like a knife. I can't believe he just that. Those two, cruel words. Did he just...

No. No, he couldn't. Not my Glen...

“What did you...”

“Kill it.”

No hesitation. No flicker of doubt. Cold, hard, emotionless. Not the man that I know. I search his face, but see none of the love we share.

“Glen...”

“There's no discussion. You're not having this baby.”

And he turns away from me, leaving me at the door where I stand. I feel the tears spill over my face as the realisation of what's just happened. How can he be so cruel? How can he just disregard this life we've created? How can he...

Anger bubbles, protective urges for my son or daughter taking over. I barge into the kitchen where he's plating up dinner. He doesn't even look up at me.

“How dare you?” I snarl. “How dare you ask me to...”

“I'm not asking. I'm telling you. You're not having it.”

“Do I get a say in this at all?”

“No.”

“I'll think you'll find that it's my body.”

“And you're my wife,” he snarls, eyes darting up to glare at me. The look goes right through me, chilling me to my very core. He's never looked at me like this before.

“It's our baby, Glen...”

“You're not having it!” he shouts, slamming his hands down on the table in front of him. I'm not going to try and pretend that it doesn't scare the shit out of me. Because it really does.

“You're not even giving the idea a chance! Let me just...”

“I don't care what you say to me!”

“Just listen to me!”

“I don't want it!”

“Well I do!”

Those words echo through the room, forcing us both to stop and think. I didn't know I felt like this. I was so blinded by fear of what Glen would say that I never thought about what it was that I actually wanted. And now that the moment is here, I've clearly made my choice.

I see the fear in his eyes. And I feel for him. I really do. But I want this. I want a baby. His baby. And he can't change my mind. No matter how hard he tries.

“I won't watch you die,” he forces out through gritted teeth. I can sense the tears he's holding back. Sense the anger in his heart. Oh Glen...

“You won't have to...”

“So promise me, then,” he says, coming right into my face. “You promise me that there is no risk whatsoever to your life during this pregnancy. You tell me that the stress of having this baby has absolutely no consequence on your body. You tell me that you are one hundred percent safe. Tell me. Go on. Tell me.”

We stare each other down in silence. He knows I can't say that. He fucking knows it and is using it against me. This isn't fair. He can't expect me to terminate this life growing inside me. It's murder...

“We're done talking about this. You're not having it.”

I grab his arm as he tries to walk away.

“This is our only chance of a family,” I say firmly.

“No, it's not. We've been over this a million times. There's other ways. We could adopt...”

“You know I don't want to do that.”

“Then surrogacy. We can do it that way.”

“But I'm pregnant now!”

“You're getting rid of it. And we can try surrogacy when we're ready for this.”

“Why won't you just listen to me?”

“Because you're making something that doesn't matter important unnecessarily.”

“How can you say that this isn't important?” I ask, pushing his hands against my stomach. He sighs angrily, tilting his head up to the ceiling to stop the tears I know are coming. “In here is our child, Glen. Something that we made. Something so perfect, so pure, so innocent. How can you tell me that the life in here isn't important?”

“Because I choose you.”

As his eyes meet mine, I see the anger he feels. But the pain he feels is even more powerful. It knocks the air right out of me and I realise that I was wrong. He isn't being cruel. He isn't being heartless. He's making a sacrifice. The hardest decision of all.

“What if you didn't have to choose?” I soothe, running my hand along his cheek as his tears flow. “What if you got the both of us?” He doesn't answer. He can't meet my eyes any more. So I continue. “They told me that I am at risk. Not that it's set in stone. There is no guarantee that continuing with the pregnancy will kill me. I have a chance at getting through this. We have a chance at a normal life. Don't you want that?”

“Of course I want that...”

“So why won't you at least give this some thought?”

“If they survive and you don't...” His voice is a whimper, his hands burying in my top as he struggles to keep in control.

No. He's not doing this.

“Then you would love them just as much as you love me,” I say firmly. He shakes his head, but I pull him towards me, resting out foreheads together. “Yes you would. You would love them unconditionally, and make sure they have the best life they could possibly dream. Because they're your flesh and blood. They would look at you every day with love in their eyes, and you wouldn't be able to look back without loving them in return.”

I can feel his body trembling. I want to stop his hurt. But I can't.

“And if they asked about their mother, you would tell them just how much she loved them. And how much you loved her. And that she went to live with the angels in the sky for them to come into the world. She gave her own life to make sure that they had a chance to live. That's what you would do, baby. Because I know you. And you wouldn't for one second make our baby feel unloved. You haven't got it in you.”

His arms lock around me as he sobs into my shoulder, holding onto me for dear life. All the fear and heartbreak comes rushing out of him as he gasps for air with the strength of each sob. I embrace him, trying to ease the pain that he's dealing with. But I know it isn't that simple. This whole situation is the furthest from simple you could ever get.

“I don't want you to die,” he sobs. “Please, babe. I can't do this alone. Please don't leave me alone. I can't live without you. I can't go on without you.”

I want to lie to him and tell him that it won't happen. I want to tell him that this will all be okay. That in ten years time, we'll look back on this and laugh. But I can't do that. Because I honestly don't know if I'll be here.

So instead, I kiss his tear-stained cheek softly and nuzzle my nose into his hair.

“I'll fight for this,” I whisper. “I promise you. I'll fight.”

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A/N - Second update of the night. Tisn't that great. I'm tired. But I couldn't sleep without just getting this out. Even if it is naff. So let me know what you think. Vote, comment, do your thing. Much love x