The End Where I Begin (Book Four of the Glen Power Series)

Chapter 40

Ten days pass. Ten long, exhausting days that give me no chance to talk to Glen about anything other than the twins.

It's not like I haven't tried though. Every time I see him, I try to get the words out. Try to tell him that I'm sorry. That it's him that I want, that I've always wanted. That it was all just some strange condition that made something in my brain go strange during my pregnancy, blinding the truth from me. That I love him, more than he could ever know.

But I can't. I just can't get the words out. He looks at me, and my mouth goes dry. He makes me nervous. It's like that school crush phase all over again. I get butterflies in my stomach and have no idea what to say to him. So when he brushes my more-than-obvious attempts of reconciliation, I almost feel relief.

That isn't what I want though. I don't want to feel relief at him changing the subject. I want to feel relief when he pulls me into his arms. When he rests his lips gently on mine. Whispering those words that mean the world to me...

I'm not sure I'll ever hear them again though. I'm not sure if I've gone past the point of no return in this relationship. And it's the doubt that kills me more than anything. If I could just muster up the courage, tell him how I feel...Would he take me back? Would he tell me that it will all be okay, and we could start to rebuild the life that I so selfishly destroyed?

But that's enough of that. At least for now anyway. Today is not a day to worry about that. Today is the day to celebrate my babies. To welcome them into the world in true style. The only way we know how.

A small gathering of friends and family join us all in a little room in the back of our favourite pub. We used to be regulars back before I was pregnant, so we got to know the family quite well. And once they heard that the twins were out, they set up this little party thing just for us. They closed it off to the public, to save us any hassle and photographers. Can't really be doing with any of that right now...

I glance at Glen from across the room. He's coddling little Dom in his arms, laughing and joking with his mum that flew over. I can't take my eyes off him. I can see the happiness in his eyes as he looks at him. The love and devotion that only a father could have for his children. He thought he would be an awful dad, once upon a time. Look at him now.

I love him...

“You need to tell him, Em,” I hear Danny beside me. I look at him and I see all the sadness in his eyes.

“It's not that simple...” I start.

“This is you and Glen we're talking about. The most in love couple that I've ever had the pleasure of meeting. Anything is simple when it comes to you two being together.”

“I slept with Mark...”

“Yeah. You did. And it was a fucked up mistake. But anyone that looks at you know that you love Glen. That it will always be Glen. It was just some stupid thing that you were going through with your hormones. Pregnancy does a lot of crazy shit to people. And you two belong together”

“But he looks so happy without me.”

“You know him better than any of us, Emie. You look at him properly and tell me that he's happier without you.”

I watch him, chatting to the people around him. Showing off our little boy. Telling them about his twin sister. He certainly looks happy to the outside world.

But Danny's right. I know him better than anyone. I can see the little cracks in his mask. How his smile is just a little bit too wide. His eyes are wide, but empty at the same time. His shoulders are just the tiniest bit slumped. Yes. That is not a man who's telling the truth.