The End Where I Begin (Book Four of the Glen Power Series)

Chapter 33

Mark Sheehan is an incredible boyfriend.

This is nothing like the first time we were together. That was all a rushed couple of weeks whilst we tried to get our head around everything that was going on. The aggressive, physical side having dominance in the relationship, giving way every so often to a gentler moment. But it would never be long until we fell back into what we were best at. And we were best at fucking.

But this time, things are different. We don't 'fuck'. What we do is honest, meaningful, pure. Long gone are the rampant outbursts. Instead we share gentle acts of discovery. Learning what makes each other tick. Finding new little secrets we didn't know we had. And the moments after are filled with gleeful giggles and tender kisses.

And we talk. We really talk. About our hopes, our dreams, our fears. We already know it all, but to hear them in this sort of situation makes everything so much more important. And the things we know about in brief are the ones that bring us closer together.

He talks to me about the days he lost his parents. How he dealt with such a horrific moment at such a young age. How for so long after that moment, he couldn't shed a tear. Not one. That he went emotionally numb for a long time. And that it's only been since I came along that he's found the strength to cry again. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. But at least he's letting his emotions out again.

And in exchange, I tell him about Nick. The whole truth. Every painful detail. Going back to such a horrific memory is beyond painful. I haven't been able to speak about it for all this time. Repressing it to save myself more trauma. So to hear the words come out of my mouth is horrible. I was abused. What kind of self-respecting woman lets herself fall into that?

Through the tears and the hurt though, I've always got Mark. He listens to everything I have to say, letting me cry when I need to. His hand always holding mine, sweet kisses placed on my tear-stained cheeks. No matter how much this hurts, I know I will get through it. And he will be there to pick up any pieces.

But things aren't always like that. A lot of the time we spend generally enjoying each others company. We've even had Danny come over the once. As disapproving as he was when the shocking news came about, he seems to see what good we're doing for each other. He sees how happy we are. I don't know if he agrees with our decision, but he's not giving us any slack for it. And for that, I respect him.

So much so, that I think he deserves a Christmas present.

With the festive season well under-way, I realise just how far behind I've fallen with my preparations. You have to give me some credit though. Being eight months pregnant is a bit more concerning than a couple of decorations. And I haven't really felt up to leaving the house for fear of having an attack. But since I've been with Mark, I've had none. Two months of nothing. It's so lovely.

So I've been Christmas shopping. And I took Mark with me.

This has been our first public appearance. I say 'public'. It's not really any big deal. But no one has seen us together before. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. But it worries Mark. He hasn't said as much, but I know he's nervous. So nervous that he's acting like my friend rather than my boyfriend. I know I should find it irritating that he's like that, but I actually find it really adorable.

Mark's just finishing off in one of the shops. I got tired standing around and went over to watch the snow in the window of the shopping centre. I haven't ever really stood watching snow before. I've always been one of those people that would much rather it all melt away. Such a bah-humbug when it comes to any other part of Christmas that doesn't concern presents...

But today, it's caught my attention. The way each little flake dance as it floats down from the sky. I swear, the way the light of the fairy lights catches them as they pass makes them look like little stars. Tiny little stars all falling from heaven, gracing us with their presence. I long to have them land on my face. Maybe they would feel warm, just like the stars...