The End Where I Begin (Book Four of the Glen Power Series)

Chapter 24

Mark loves me.

That's the only thought that screams in my mind as we sit here in silence. He's finally stopped crying, but a part of me sort of wishes he hadn't. At least then I could drown out those three words. Pretend to myself that he never said them. Go back to the way things were...

But that would be a lie. I've always known. If I look back on the entire time that I've known Mark, I've always known that there's been something there. Deep down, I noticed that he looked at me with more love than you give to your best friend. That his hugs lasted just a touch longer than you would expect them to. That no matter what I needed, he would always be there to help me out. I just didn't want to see it. I didn't want to be the girl that broke his heart.

Now it looks like I have no choice.

“Please say something.”

His voice is barely a whisper. Full of desperation and fear. Pleading me to...To what? Tell him that everything will be okay? I honestly don't know. And I don't really know how to answer him. So I don't. I just sit here, waiting for something to happen to make this all go away.

“Do you hate me?”

I feel my eyes close as my heart shatters in my chest. Oh Mark. How could you ever think that? After everything that I've put you through, you still think that you've done something wrong? This could never be your fault. You can't help how you feel. I'm the sick, twisted bitch that's playing with your head. I knew how you felt, and beelined straight for you. I'm so sorry. So, so sorry. You deserve so much better than this...

These words beg to be released. But they don't. No matter how much I want to, I can't say them. They stick in my throat, making me feel like even more of a coward than I already am. So what I do is just shake my head. It's all I can force my body to do. I hear a breath of relief from him and feel as he rests his head back on the wall.

“I know I'll never be him.”

The words drive into my heart like a bullet, ripping it to shreds. He's right. He will never be what Glen is to me. He will never be the one that I live for. Never be the one that is the reason for my existence. He is forever destined to be the man that stands in the shadow of another, watching as his entire life crumbles whilst I'm in the arms of another. What kind of life is that?

This is all too much.

My hands fly to my face, pushing against my eyes as I feel everything that I've kept inside force their way out. The sobs are so violent that they hurt my entire body. I feel sick, disgusted at myself for what I'm doing to this poor man. I wish I could stop it. I wish I could end his pain. Be the girl he deserves. But I can't. I'm meant for Glen. He knows it. And that's why this hurts so much.

His arms wrap around me, pulling me close as he tries to ease my tears. I feel his lips in my hair, feel his tears on my skin, feel his fingers on my face...This just isn't fair. Why is he being so kind? I deserve such hatred...yet all I get is love. How is that justice?

“I'm so sorry,” I sob into my hands. “Oh Mark, I'm so sorry.”

“It's okay.”

“I've led you on for so long. Hurt you so much with my own selfishness. You deserve so much better. I wish I could make this better. I wish I could stay in control, so that you didn't have to do this any more.”

“You need me to do this.”

“That isn't the point! You shouldn't have to! You shouldn't have to live like this! You should be happy!”

“I'm happy when I'm with you.”

“But you're not! I see it in your eyes! You're so miserable and it's all my fault!”