The End Where I Begin (Book Four of the Glen Power Series)

Chapter 20

The word rips through my heart as he slams the door behind him. Never in our entire relationship has he brushed off those words. I slide down the wall, clutching at my chest as I try to work out how to breathe. This hurts beyond anything I've ever felt...

I need to calm down. The babies will be at risk if I get any more stressed. But it hurts so much. How can I ever get over this feeling?

I don't know how I've done it, but my phone is against my ear. The ringing makes it clear that I've called someone. Who that is, I don't know. And I won't know until they pick up. I hope it wasn't Glen. I don't think my heart could take more pain...

“Em?”

I burst into tears as I realise who I've called. Why have I been so fucking stupid? What the fuck was I thinking?

“What's wrong? Em, what's wrong?”

“I've lost him, Mark. Oh God, I've lost him.”

“Sweetheart, you need to calm down...”

“It hurts...It hurts so much...”

“Shit. Emie, sweetheart, you need to breathe, okay? You need to calm down.”

“I can't do this anymore. I can't do this.”

“Are you at home?” I don't answer him. “I'm coming to you. Don't move.”

“Don't hang up on me.”

“I won't. I promise. I won't. Just...breathe, okay? Do that for me.”

I hear his words through the phone as I struggle with the simple act of breathing. What is happening to me? Why can't this all just be over? What would I ever do without Glen? He's my life. Everything I do revolves around him. So without him, what the hell have I got to live for?

Nothing. That's what.

“Em? Sweetheart, are you still there?”

“I have nothing, Mark.”

“What?”

“Without Glen...I have nothing. There's just no point any more.”

“Stop talking like that! I'm on my way!”

“I'm so sorry, Mark. I'm so sorry that I dragged you into this. You're such a good person. Such a great man. And I've ruined it all.”

“Stop this! Just calm down, okay? Give me a few minutes...”

“You'll always be my best friend. No matter what anyone says. But a life without Glen...I can't do it. I won't do it.”

“Emie, don't you dare...”

“Goodbye,” I whisper before hanging up on him.

I push myself off the floor and feel my legs move heavily into the kitchen. The bottle of vodka calls to me. Whispering false promises of sanity as I run my hands along the cool glass. I'll never be sane again. But I can't help but clutch at the words as I open the bottle with shaking hands. And when I reach into the cupboard to grab the painkillers, I can feel the tears sting my cheeks.

I tip the tablets out, seeing them splayed out on the work surface in front of me. I pick one up and bring it closer to me. Such tiny little things. Full of freedom and hope. It will be so easy to flush every one down with the clear liquid in my hand...

The taste of it as I put it between my teeth is sharp. I've never liked taking painkillers for this reason. But it's never been as easy as today. And I can only believe that the more I take, the less the taste will matter.