Beautiful, ya, you all are beautiful, I'm beautiful. But I don't need mindless complements, comments, or encouragement on my physical appearance or personality, I know I'm beautiful. I know this and all those comments and complements don't matter, from people that I don't care for whom they came from. I hunger for someone who loves me and I them to notice the way I change, the way I smile for them, the way I am me with and only for them, and most but not least tell me I'm beautiful and look at me, really look at me, to look soul deep and tell me I'm beautiful when I don't feel so, and because I love them and they love me it makes it that much more special because I show them me, and no one else gets to see that part of myself, it's all theirs. I wish I didn't have to bring attention to myself for people to notice that I'm beautiful, that I wish they could notice and say something on their own. I wish I could feel like I'm worth it, that I'm confident, that I'm beautiful, that I'm special, that I'm a good person, that I'm different now, that I'm not insecure, I wish I could feel that all the time, but I can't. I can't be strong and happy and confident and beautiful and be able to fight all the time to feel these things. I wish I could break down and be all of my insecurities and have someone really say that I'm beautiful and really mean it when I'm all broken so they can put me back together the right way. I get sick of doing that myself, I'm sick of putting myself back together and trying to feel like I'm beautiful. I can't be strong I can't be confident and calm and put together all the time, I can't keep fighting and be a good person all day and night, I'm still human. See it was instilled in me by my biological family that I have to try all the time and be perfect all the time, that if I wasn't then I was mocked and punished and made to feel bad and shameful. They and everyone else has made me feel this way in the past and even now, and I hold deep resentment for it, for whom made me believe I had to be perfect. They are afraid of when I'm not being perfect. When it's their own damn fault! But the only difference now is that I know it's okay to not be perfect but I still have trouble not trying to be perfect when I don't have to. Perfect, no, nobody's perfect. Just love me for the imperfections, that's all...
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My Poems
PoetryThese are some of my poems that I have written and finally decided to put up and ones that I have recently written and put up. They are personal, so think what you like, but don't judge me, you don't know my story. My emotions and me are in these po...
