Captured

27

Three years later

........

I still remember how the autumn leaves felt as I crushed them under my feet, although I didn't walk much but when I did I made sure I walked on the cracked leaves because the noise of crushing gave me sense of relief.

I don't know what parenting is and how  one feels when they hold their child for the first time but when I held my baby for the first time it felt like I was complete and whole again, the emptiness in me was filled with relief and happiness.

For a parent the upbringing of their child is the very principle of their lives. They search for perfection in everything. They want to protect their child from judgmental looks and they urge them to do what they desire.

This is the same battle i am fighting. It's not just one battle it's an everyday fight.

Pregnancy wasn't easy especially since I was alone. Yes Mary helped me and nursed me but I wanted something more. Sometimes I'd wake up in the middle of the night and carve those warm arms that gave me protection.

Sometimes I'd have weird desires but no one was there to fulfill them.

Sometimes I'd throw up and there was no one to help me or rub my back.

Sometimes I felt lost and needed comfort and no one was there to give me that

My angel gave me that the day she landed in my arms.
She was beautiful and small and perfect. I had never been happier .

When I saw her I decided I'd never do one thing. I would never cut my angels wings. I'd would urge her to try them and fly with no chains that would bound her to the ground.

..........

"Aria" I saw as I open the front door of the day care center.

I look around but my baby isn't there.

"Hello Scarlett"

"Hi Ana" I hug the owner quickly.

"Aria is in the playground, she's waiting
For you though your a bit late" she chuckles.

"Oh yeah sorry , just had a lot of work"

"No problem"

"I'll see you later Ana"

"Sure honey"

I open the back door and see my angel playing alone in the sand

"Aria"I yell to get her attention.

"Mommy" she screams excitedly and runs in my direction.

I quickly pick her up and hug her before planting a few kisses on her cheek.

"Hey baby"

"Mommy your lwate"

"Mommy is sorry baby " I say pouting.

"Can I have iwec creem "

"Sure lets get you some ice cream"