Chloe's World

Wrong decision after wrong decision after wrong decision

"Are we alright?"

Mason's voice took me off guard. I was so busy staring out the car window that I had forgotten that he was there.

"What?" I said. I had missed what he had said. I had been staring at a dog pissing at a stop sign.

We were at a red light. Mason was driving me to school. It was our last day of junior year today. Luckily, Robin and Ned had an early morning so his pickup truck was able to pull right into my driveway.

He was looking at me. He looked confused. Hurt even. And I hadn't even said anything. But I guess that was the reason why he was upset with me.

"I'm sorry," I croaked out. I knew that I wasn't being fair to Mason.

"It's ok," Mason sighed as the light turned green. "It's just that you seem distant. I mean I feel like we barely talk anymore. And we haven't had sex in like...two weeks."

Two weeks. The same amount of time that Tyler has been dating Miranda.

Sky told me about them. Apparently Josh, Tyler and her all went to a party together at Miranda's house. Tyler had been drinking uncontrollably. Miranda got a hold of him. According to the rumors, they had hooked up in the shower. And it was all Tyler's idea.

Now they were dating.

The whole thing left a bitter taste in my mouth. To think that I would have left Mason for Tyler. The thought now seemed idiotic.

I thought I was getting better. I thought I was finally getting over Tyler. But according to Mason, I was only getting worse.

"So what's up?" Mason asked again as he pulled into the school parking lot. "Are we ok or what?"

"We are fine," I said trying to convince the both of us.

"We don't seem like it," Mason said as he put a cigarette in his mouth. "Chloe, I want us to be ok. But you've been acting really weird lately. I don't know what it is."

"Well what do you want from me, Mason?" I asked. I was mad and I didn't have the right to be. But I was just trying to go back to how things used to be. And it didn't seem to be working.

"I want you to be the old Chloe," Mason said. His voice was firm. And his eyes were locked on me. "I want us to smoke together. I want us to drink together. I want us to talk about life. I want you to let me love you. I want you to love me. I want to fuck! I just want us."

I looked at him. And I was overcome with guilt.

So to make that guilt go away I ripped off my pants and lunged at him.

He didn't stop me. And we went all the way. Right in the back of his truck. On school grounds. While tiny little freshman walked by us.

Yeah. This was a new low.

When we were done, homeroom had already passed. I had to scramble around to find my clothes. Mason put on his shirt backwards and started to buckle up his pants.

"That was good," he sighed as he handed me my backpack. "I liked that."

"Yeah," I sighed as I fixed my hair. "I needed that."

Was that a lie?

I opened the door. Mason watched me from the backseat. He gave me one of his famous crooked smiles that used to make my heart melt. Now it just made me smile back.

"I love you," he said.

I tried to say the words. But I felt like I was going to be sick. So I only gave a nod and closed the door.

I didn't make it very far before Mason was right behind me, grabbing onto my hand like he was holding on for dear life.

"No," he muttered as I turned to face him. He looked panicked, like he knew something horrible was about to happen. "No Chloe. I can't have that. I can't say I love you and then you say nothing back."

I stayed silent. I didn't know what to say.

He looked at me. His hand was still in mine. "Chloe please," he whispered. "I want to go back to the way things were. I want us to be us. And I need you to say I love you back. I need something to hold onto."

Once again, I hated myself. I wasn't being fair to Mason. I knew that we weren't what we use to be. And I wasn't sure I could ever love him like I used to.

Still, denial was my best friend.

"I love you too," I muttered as I leaned in to give him a kiss.

"Come to my party tonight," he said as he pressed his forehead against mine. "Bring Sky. Bring Josh. Bring Tyler. I don't care. Just come. Just come so we can start fixing us."

"Ok," I whispered as I gave him another kiss. "Now go. I really have to go to class."

Mason nodded as his hand slipped out of mine. He gave me one last kiss on the forehead before turning around and walking away. I watched him go to his pickup truck. And I desperately waited for my heart to scream out for him.

It didn't.

When the end of the day came we emptied out our lockers. The seniors screamed and howled as they ran out of the school doors for their last time. I was jealous of their freedom.

I asked Sky if she would come to the party with me. She said yes. I didn't want to invite Josh because then I would have to invite Tyler. And I was not doing that.

As I emptied out my locker, I watched as Tyler and Miranda stood in the hall. They were laughing, hugging. Tyler kissed her on the cheek. Miranda giggled. The whole thing was disgusting.

I watched as Tyler let go of her and went into the bathroom. Miranda walked away to join her friends.

Fueled by anger, I stormed into the boy's bathroom.

When Tyler saw me, he freaked out.

"Hey!" He shouted. "You aren't supposed to be in here! Can't you see the urinals?!"

"You fucking love me?!" I screamed. It was the first time I had in awhile. "Well, looks like you love a lot of people! Because here you are, loving Miranda!"

Tyler rolled his eyes. "I don't want to talk about this Chloe."

"Of course you don't," I growled. "You know what Tyler. You are so full of shit. You say that you love me and then go screw some other girl right after I tell you I don't love you back. Well..."

"WELL WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO CHLOE!?" Tyler roared.

I was thrown into silence. I had never seen Tyler get so mad. His face was blood red. He was breathing hard. I took a step back, worried of what would happen next.

I didn't know what to say. I just breathed. I just stood there, blinking away tears. I didn't have an answer. I didn't have an answer for any of this.

Luckily for me, Tyler stormed out of the bathroom. Leaving me alone.

Chapter 28