Chloe's World

My life begins to spiral

I knew that things were over with Tyler and I as soon as he had told me that he loved me.

I couldn't see him anymore for my sanity. And he couldn't see me anymore for his feelings.

We now were forced to be strangers. And I'm not going to lie, it kind of sucked.

Two weeks passed since we had our fight. I didn't say a word to him. I saw him in class, but he was careful to avoid my eye contact. I was as well. In the hall when he spotted me, he would turn around. I didn't blame him.

I hung out with Sky. And I hung out with Josh since they were now dating. But the four of us never hung out together.

But most of all, I hung out with Mason.

We hung out probably more than we should have. Everyday I was over his house. And we just got high, drank and had sex. Then I would wake up naked in his bed and the cycle would repeat.

We spoke very few words to each other. We only talked when he wanted to talk. I didn't want to talk. That was the problem.

I was slipping into a dark place. And I wasn't sure why. Mason was the love of my life. I had decided that a long time ago. I had decided that as soon as we had shared our stories with each other. He was my home.

So I should be happy. I should wake up happy to see the sun. I should be trying not to smile. But it was hard to just draw one onto my face.

I didn't know what was wrong with me. All I could think about was what had happened between Tyler and I.

I missed him. I missed talking to him. I missed laughing with him. I missed making fun of him. I missed pushing him away. And I missed him ignoring everything that I said so that he could be with me.

But all of that didn't matter. Because Tyler was out of my life.

I was mad at him. How dare he love me? I told him what would happen if he grew feelings for me. He would be out of my life.

Still, I was feeling guilty.

One night, Mason called me over to his house.

There was a party. A big one for Mason's house. . Most of the people seemed to be friends with Derrick.

Mason and I just sat on the couch. He kept handing me bottles of beer. Not thinking clearly, I took every single one.

The main room was loud. Music was blaring. People were dancing.

My head started to hurt. I watched as Derrick danced with some girl. She looked like she could barely stand. Yet his hands ran all up and down her body while his tongue licked the side of her face.

The whole thing made me want to vomit.

Mason leaned into me. He wrapped his arms around my waist. His alcohol breath smacked my nostrils. He was completely wasted.

"I love you," he whispered as he kissed my neck. His hand slipped into my shirt. "I love you. I love you. I love you."

Drunk out of my mind, I fell backwards onto the couch. I did not resist as he climbed on top of me.

"I love you," he said again. "I love you."

"I..." I started. But that was all I could get out.

"I love you."

"I love..."

All of the sudden I began to panic. My breathing got heavier. A sharp pain shot through my head. I could feel beads of sweat start to race down my neck.

I felt sick. My cheeks felt like they were on fire and I could feel the alcohol start to push upwards inside of me.

Quickly, I pushed Mason off of me. Not even waiting to listen to what he had to say, I got up and ran straight toward the bathroom.

The door was locked. I banged one hand on the door while the other clutched my stomach. "Please open the door!" I cried with desperation running through my voice.

I heard only the sound of moaning and giggling come from the other side. I knew that I was not going to get in.

So I turned around and pushed through the crowd. I didn't stop running until I was outside. And as soon as I crossed the entrance I threw up until my stomach was hollow.

As I watched my barf land in the yellow grass, I sobbed violently. At this moment in time, I was an absolute mess. I was a vomiting cry baby and everybody who was on the front lawn pointed and laughed.

At this moment in time, I hated myself. I hated myself for all of the decisions that I was making. I just wanted to disappear.

I needed help. Mason drove me to his house. But there was no way that he would be able to drive me home. And I didn't want to stay.

So I reached into my pocket and pulled out my cell phone. Knowing that I didn't have many options, I called the only person who I could think of.