I ONLY HAVE To Laugh

The In Between Part 9

The In Between

Well, it's time to go out again. I wonder to myself, why I continue this endless torture.
But seriously what are my other options, Cook Dinner, Get Fat; Watch a Movie, Watch Discovery ID, Water the Grass, Drink Wine and Smoke Cigarettes, all of these things are by myself. Yeah, I have no one to share these things with, they are all solo activities. I really need to find some single friends. So, I plop out of bed from watching "Discovery ID", do my hair and put on some war paint. Again, nothing to wear, everything I own is cute, stylish and professional. I have absolutely no "sexy clothes", and then I feel stupid if I wear something "sexy" because I don't go anywhere that would require me to dress "sexy". Yet, when I go out I see either really "sexy" young, young, skinny girls, with a dress almost up their ass. Or, older women with absolutely no taste, you know the "frock" look with those, spandex leggings or skinny jeans. So, then there is me, the in between, not "sexy" or "skinny", not "matronly" or "fat" but in between. I know that I am "good looking", but not "beautiful", again in between. Although, most of my friends and family say I am "beautiful" even Mr. Man, but that is not true. I look in the mirror and I am cute but not out right "beautiful". So again, in between.

So I go out, and notice, all the "beautiful" young skinny girls are either with their "GQ" boyfriends, or some guy that is a "down grade" or "older man" to feed their over inflated egos. They order "margaritas" and "mixed drinks" and look cute as they flaunter their "cute little bodies" with that "cute little bounce", yeah you know the one. So, young cute skinny girl has it made. (For now) She does not know that in about 10 years her looks with go and if she is lucky she will be an" in between". Anyways, then there is the "older woman", yeah, I like this category because they really don't give a "fuck". They are not "beautiful" way past their time but they don't care. They will drink beer; take shots, dance by themselves, freak on the dance floor and dance with anyone. There are really no expectations they just have a good time. Then there is me the "in between", not young enough to be the "skinny young girl", not old enough to not give a damn!

I sit at the bar and lucky to find a spot to play Keno. The band was"alright" and the place was packed with the 2 categories I just explained, and of course a handful of "single men" that stand on the side lines and watch. God forbid to ask a "lady" to dance because that would require having a conversation, they much rather watch. So, I play and play and play, drink and drink and no one approaches me, I have random conversations with people at the bar that are buying drinks. But really, no interest for the "in between", there was one nice man, after he ordered a few drinks, finally paid for one of mine.

Finally, I decide to go the other bar, which of course I have avoided because they know Mr. Man, and for some reason I am embarrassed. Yes, I know that it is Stupid, but I cannot help it. So, I get there and lucky again find a spot at the bar. I see a group of "Cowboys" and think to myself, I was at the wrong bar; at least I could have "drooled" over these men. I sit down next to a couple of ladies, in the 2nd category, the older I don't give a fuck stage. These women were lit; they were drinking straight up rum with ice. I told them, that I could not drink like that; I would be on the "fucken floor". Then one of them say's sounds good to me, "fucking on the floor". I want to be "fucking on the floor." We all just laughed and laughed. I told them, I was single after 19 years and their response was "alright" now you can "fuck around" and really have a good time. Yeah, these ladies were crazy. I saw the bartender and he asked how I was doing. I told him, hanging in there not too well, and he say's well you look pretty happy right now. I smiled and thought to myself, yeah I am pretty happy, right now. 

 I only have to Laugh.