I ONLY HAVE To Laugh

"The Capital" Part 27

"The Capital"

Wow, it could not be more fitting for me to be at my Nation's Capital alone when my divorce was final. I officially became a statistic 9/21/17 at midnight. I thought it would be a big hurrah moment but it wasn't nor was I sad. I had time to reflect on what I lost but mostly what I gained. Yes, I lost my family as it was the family unit but I did not lose the family. I have more friends than I could ever imagine but I did lose a few along the way. I lost a partnership but gained a friendship. I realize the marriage I had was only a partnership it truly was not a friendship. I now have a good friend and a man who respects me and my family. I do not know what the future will hold for me and him as right now I am only interested in myself. I have excelled in ways I never known and have done things that I want to do, I only think of me. I am mom, lover, provider and fighter. I fought for me to be happy and I am. I think about how unhappy I was in my marriage I was so worried about keeping this man that I degraded my self-worth and self-esteem and that made me miserable. I was not that desperate clingy woman I had become, I no longer was confident and I hated myself. My husband did me a favor by leaving I never would have had the guts to do it. He too was very unhappy he wanted to be free of responsibility as all I did was nag it was all I could do is complain. I do not blame him for walking out we were both miserable. It's unfortunate that he is not happy. My kids are upset as I have rejoiced in the moment and their father is miserable. It's understandable but I can't help it that I am exceedingly happy. I don't have to voice it, people just look at me and know. Yes, I have had my down moments but it is only to grieve for my family, even the finances, my daughter is in college and I think it would have been easier if we would have worked things out but that did not happen. Actually, he is now in a bad financial position almost losing his job because of his DUI and I can't help but think this was a result of him leaving me but had he stayed we would have done nothing to improve our situation and both be miserable. The familiarity of the kids and goals is what kept us together there were no more challenges and obstacles to overcome and there was only a somber love. I wanted more, when I looked up high at the Washington Monument I thought I have it all everything I want, family, success, status, love and God. Thanks to God I have everything I prayed every night for God to heal me, bless my family and help me financially to make it and to bring someone good in my life to take the sting away and he did. I walked up the steps to the Lincoln Memorial and it was so liberating I felt like Leonardo DiCaprio in "Titanic" I am King of the World. I could not believe that me a small town girl was here. I made it this little Latina girl with big dreams actually did it? I felt so proud that I was at the Capital on business, I was here to make decisions that would be archived with the President a small part of his business plan. I looked around and realized that I was the only Hispanic in the whole crowd. This is quite sad; actually in all the Capital I did not see one Hispanic. Wow, I was so proud that I could represent our people but sadden that there are not more of us. I finally walked to the War World II memorial, the Korean, and then the Vietnam and then that's when it hit me as I touched the names on the wall of the men who lost their lives and fought for a war they did not win a flood of emotions hit me, I start crying almost sobbing. I cried for the men that lost their lives for nothing and I grieved for myself for all the tears I cried and the life I left behind. On the night my divorce was to final and the last night of my conference these ladies that I had just meet 3 nights ago stayed with me till midnight to celebrate my new beginning. One of them was afraid that I may go into some kind of depression as she had went through the same thing, well no, midnight came and I took a photo with these wonderful ladies. It was great I celebrated my moment with a group of people that did not know me, or my past, but only my future. They only know who I am now! I only have to laugh.

By funnybreakup