I ONLY HAVE To Laugh

Week 1 The Text Journal Entries

I Only Have to Laugh 

I only have to laugh; I have been separated from my husband for almost 2 weeks. Asshole did not have the guts to tell me in person but only in a text. As the saying goes be careful what you wish for, yes we have been having problems for a long time. Long story short, same story, he cheated on me, I took him back try to work at it, and it did not work out. So I am not surprised but to think I only wanted to complete an exercise on what we wanted in a relationship. I thought it would be a great idea to write a letter, stating my conditions, Love Me, Take care of me and a Respect me, etc., etc. and if you can't Love Me then leave me. Well, to say the least, I did not even get to read my letter instead I received a huge text 5 minutes before I was off work , blah, blah, blah, your right we have nothing in common, your miserable I am miserable, I am just comfortable with you I am leaving you. Yeah, be careful what you wish for....he is leaving me. I really did not see that coming, so now I am writing this blog. Yes, a blog I think, I don't even have a Facebook, but anyways this is the only thing I know how to do.

Day1

Well, I have been hiding in my office all day avoiding people for almost 2 weeks. I finally told one of my close coworkers and was almost to tears. Well had to cut it short because I had to go to Book Club, I was so looking forward to that, as to the fact that I was not even asked if I wanted to volunteer, but told. You know how that goes I am in Management so of course, I have to motivate the other employees, and I have no employees under my direction, I just head up a department. Such a Team Player, well to say the least I was irritated. Anyways, the topic of the book is How to Have a Good Day we all sat in groups and were given questions to answer; mine was defensive mode or discovery mode. Well was that fitting, anyways I give my tidbit on how I listen to music before I go to work to get in the discovery mode. But, my brain is saying yes I am defensive and feel like screaming, this book club is stupid and I have discovered my husband is an asshole. Of course, I didn't say that... everyone went around the table and talked about their questions. One of the other topics was Fake it till you Make it, that was telling, I have soon discovered that I am an expert on that topic. Smile to make yourself happy, such bull shit. Anyways, at the end of the session they have one of my coworkers go up to the podium with some scented oils to talk about meditation, For REAL. There were LED candles and she went around the room passing out oils, OMG I wanted just to roll over laughing hysterically on the floor, thinking to myself this is such bull shit. Well, anyways when it was my turn I picked Lavender as it is supposed to calm you and seriously, unintentionally I doused the whole thing on the table and all over my cotton ball, I am doused in this stuff, all over my hands, arms and I even rubbed it on my legs. And, laughing almost hysterically, but I had to control myself as you know I am at work there are people around me. Well, the lights are dimmed and this meditation music comes on, first, I am just looking around but then I close my eyes and try to focus, and UNBELIEVABLE I feel better. My husband is still an asshole, but at least I made it through today.

Day 2

Well, it is still early in the day, nothing really exciting for a Thursday. I looked at the out calendar and almost everyone is gone to start their 4th of July weekend. I just can't stop reading my 1st entry for some reason it motivates me. I heard from the Asshole yesterday oh yeah via text it seems that is the only way he communicates. Such a great man, transfer 100 for the kids to buy fireworks and by the way on Friday transfer your money to pay the mortgage, I will see you on Sunday and we can talk. Wow, I am so excited I just can't wait. Really... no, I am really getting past the needy stage. I have literally been in despair for two weeks, cried my eyes out and even gave him the opportunity to save this marriage. Well, don't I feel like an idiot, days have passed, no text no nothing and now he wants to talk. I seriously have now stopped looking at my phone and have played nothing but man hater music and he wants to talk. I think I should just be gone when he gets there to take his shit and throw it in trash bags and then go out to see Papi Chulo play in his band at night, dance, get drunk and go to sleep. He is the eye candy I like to watch play music he looks like my ex-husband, soon to be ex-husband and he is also an asshole. I love those assholes.