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"The Letter" Part 21

As you know I am a better writer in expressing my feelings. So, I took a long hard look at myself this week. I was having feelings of self-doubt and wondering if I made a mistake to fall for you so quickly. This has been a difficult time for me and I meet you when I needed you most. I needed someone in my life to help me take the sting out and make me feel again. I was so dead for so long I was afraid that I would never feel anything for anyone and that scared me, but then I meet you and that also scared me.

As the old story goes as soon as I meet someone, the ex comes back around. I so longed for him to want me back and suddenly he does, this had me confused. It is difficult to give up twenty years of your life and when you are ready to call it quits the opportunity presents itself to go back to what you know.

I was nervous about meeting your family because I had self-doubt the little voice inside that said, you know you can go back to your old life. You can stop the divorce, forget this ever happened, you have been with another man, so what would be more humiliating to your ex than anything and he is willing to accept it, you can go back, life would be so much easier and financially you would be back on track. So this has caused me stress and turmoil, and then I meet your sister and all she talks about how you have been hurt and how your ex dumped you and how she wants you to be married. When I left all I could feel is guilt thinking to myself how can I hurt this man, I can't do this to him but the nagging voice inside said you can go back and all of this will stop.

Well, I was mooping around the house and unbelievable my daughter asked me what was wrong with me? What's bothering you? So, I told her and she said, "Mom" do you really want to go back? I said, No. Do you "love" Dad enough to go back? Not the love of being together for 20 years but the love of a man. And I said, No. So why would you ever think of going back? Because I am scared and stupid.

Then all of a sudden it lifted all of that self-doubt and not knowing and suddenly I knew. I know what I want and it is You. I never want to go back to the life I had before, I want to be with you. I don't know what the future may hold for us but whatever it is I want it to be together. I Love you; I want you and need you in my life. I will not leave you or hurt you. I am here to stay.

Now, I have a divorce to work on.

By funnybreakup