blushyboy•joshler

twelve✨

Tyler
GUCKING TRIGGER WARNING PLEASE DONT READ IF YOUR EASILY TRIGGERED BY SELF HARM!

it's been 2 weeks since I've talked to Josh. well, since he's talked to me, I guess. that's what I get for being a fucking idiot. right now I'm in my room, crying. my knees are pressed to my chest and I'm just a little ball of tears on my bedroom floor.

nobody is home except for me. they all went to dinner and left me here because I told them I was busy. busy my ass. I start feeling dizzy. my veins begin appearing. my head starts pounding and my wrists get itchy. NO.

you are pathetic.

he hates you.

"no! stop! you're lying!"

he's back. blurry hasn't bothered me for about a month and a half. world record.

ha. why don't you just hurt yourself again? you'll feel

so

much

better.

I obey him. I have tears spilling from my eyes, and my stomach is killing me. I go to my bathroom and grab a blade from a razor. I slowly bring it down to my wrist.

yes. do it Tyler.

I squint my eyes. I'm not who I'm supposed to be. just as I'm about to swipe the blade across my already scarred wrist, my phone blares.

Josh is calling...

I glance at the phone.

fuck Josh. he doesn't matter. don't answer the phone.

the phone stops. then rings again. I start scratching my neck and holding my ears.

"leave me alone! Won't you go to someone else's head?
Haven't you taken enough from me?" I scream, my voice scratchy and hoarse. (neigh)

I will never leave. don't you know that? Josh is nothing. just do-

I pick up the phone and the voice leaves. how?

"t-ty?" a small voice says. Josh. "are you ok?"

"come over, he ca-came back I" I begin. you can hear the terror and fright in my voice. the phone goes dead. why me? why did blurry have to come back? once again my thoughts are interrupted.

keep going. you are almost there. just do it tyl-

the door to my front door slams and I hear footsteps coming upstairs. my door creaks open. I quickly move my head up. my brown eyes meet the beautiful hazel eyes I've grown to adore.

I look down at myself. my hand still holds a blade. my face is red and puffy. I have bags. tears are forming. I feel warm arms pick me up. I'm placed in Josh's arms, being held up hugged. Josh is just carrying me and holding me tight.

my legs are around his waist and my arms are around his neck. he's holding onto me, clinging as if we were at the edge of a cliff and I was dangling. I feel comfort. I feel safe. "my baby boy, I was so worried. my phone died while we were talking. I'm sorry." Josh said squeezing me.

he puts me down and I nodded saying it was ok. I looked up at him. he's a bit taller than me. ( IM AWARE THAT TYLER IS TALLER LET ME LIVE) I smile at him. his cheeks are red. his eyes are soft and slightly squinted. is pink fluffy hair is a little messy. I love it.

I go to my bed and lay on it stomach side up, looking at my ceiling. blurry isn't here. is it because Josh is here? I keep thinking when I feel Josh put his head on my stomach and his body between my legs. I'm overwhelmed.

"Josh, we- I'm, don't, shouldn't-" "Tyler what was blurry doing? was he making you think bad things?" he says. i feel my breath hitch as he moves around, getting comfortable. "he was- y-yes." I finally say. he sighs and sits up.

I close my eyes and end up in his lap on the bed. this boy has no idea what he's doing to me. he's just hugging me tight. "whenever you need me, text or call me baby boy. I need to keep you safe." he says, rubbing circles on my thigh.

I looked up at him and realize what he's saying. "it isn't y-your job to pro-protect me Jo-Josh." I said, still stuttering. he pulls me into his face. he gets so close I can feel his breath on my lips.

"Tyler. I love you. it is my job to protect you." he smiles. "I- I l-love  you too Josh. but I'm too c-crazy for you to be my friend." I said, eyes watering.

Josh smirks. "then don't be my friend."

he leans in, connecting our lips and kisses me passionately, holding my face in his hands while my hands wrap around his waist. his lips were warm against my cold ones, and it felt amazing. I felt so safe in his arms.

after kissing for 5 minutes, he stopped. he backed away and got away from me. of course. it was a mistake.

i looked at him sadly and he smiled. "you're so beautiful ty." he said. I felt a blush come across my cheeks as I squirmed. "stop joshhh." I mumbled, dragging out his name. I stood up and looked at him.

this is the boy I fell for. this is the boy I love. this is the boy that accepts my flaws. each and every one. I'm so lucky.