The Drunken Feathers

Scene V

(The ball at Carlton House has already begun; it is nighttime. In the ornate ballroom, hundreds of guests are present. CAPTAIN JOHN WILLETT PAYNE, a friend of the PRINCE OF WALES, weaves through the crowd and reaches the PRINCE OF WALES, who is lightly drinking and conversing with FOX, SHERIDAN, and his other friends: HON. GEORGE HANGER, JOHN PHILLIP KEMBLE, RICHARD COSWAY, CHARLES WILLIAM WINDHAM, and COLONEL ANTHONY ST. LEGER.)

CAPTAIN PAYNE

She's here, George.

COSWAY

Who?

CAPTAIN PAYNE

The Papist!

(FOX and SHERIDAN exchange a look of worry.)

PRINCE OF WALES

My darling Maria has come at last!

SHERIDAN

(Drinking)

Here we go.

PRINCE OF WALES

I must find her at once. Do excuse me, gentlemen.

(FOX and SHERIDAN set their plan into motion. FOX takes the PRINCE OF WALES by the arm and takes him aside slightly.)

FOX

Prinny, why continue to chase after that plain, common woman when you can have any other female in this room? Look, here are some young, desperate virgins who are foolish enough to think you might marry them. You could enjoy some conversation with one of them tonight and forget all about this Mrs. Fitzherbert.

(FOX gestures toward a small crowd of young ladies who gaze intently at the PRINCE OF WALES while fanning themselves.)

SHERIDAN

Of course, they only want you for your fortune, your title, and your future crown.

FOX

What difference does that make?

SHERIDAN

None at all; it was intended as encouragement. The less emotionally attached they are to him, the better, I say. He can bed them for a time, present them with meaningless silk and jewels, maybe even a small annuity, and send them on their way once they are both satisfied. Is that not your preference, Prinny?

(They turn and see that the PRINCE OF WALES has already left them.)

FOX (cont.)

(Sarcastic, bitter)

Brilliant work, Richard. You really are the brightest of us.

SHERIDAN

I beg your pardon?

FOX

These elaborate schemes of yours are no good. I ought to have heeded my intuition and confronted him my own way.

SHERIDAN

If you are able to keep him apart from her for five minutes this evening, I should be pleased to observe the impeding interaction.

(FOX huffs and rejoins their party. Across the ballroom, the PRINCE OF WALES spots MRS. FITZHERBERT and LADY LINDSAY entering the room. They speak to each other before he reaches them.)

MRS. FITZHERBERT

Never before have I witnessed such a magnificent spectacle, not even at Versailles.