The Drunken Feathers

Scene XI

SHERIDAN

Where the devil is he? 'Tis unlike Prinny to be late to his own ball.

FOX

He must still be in his chambers.

SHERIDAN

Being dressed?

FOX (cont.)

(Slyly)

Undressed, rather.

(SHERIDAN grows suspicious, so FOX smugly hints at his plan.)

SHERIDAN

That was quick, nay, too quick. Who has he got now?

FOX

Oh, the same lady he has wanted all along but was not bold enough to pursue till I encouraged him.

SHERIDAN

That is impossible. Mrs. Fitzherbert's conscience is impenetrable.

FOX

(Under his breath, nudging him)

Clearly, not all her parts are, ha! As I told you, even the most chaste of women cannot resist Prinny's charms, especially when guided by my expertise.

SHERIDAN

I'll only believe it when I see them together.

FOX

Come, then, let's congratulate them on the consummation of their relationship.

(They both head inside, FOX confidently and SHERIDAN with some reservations. FOX grabs a bottle of brandy from a table as they go in. Inside Carlton, FOX and SHERIDAN reach the PRINCE OF WALES' bedchamber. SERVANT #1 passes by them.)

FOX (cont.)

(To SERVANT #1)

Excuse me, sir, are the prince and his lady fit to have visitors?

SERVANT #1

I do not know whom you reference, sir. There is no lady here. The prince is alone and wishes to remain so.

FOX

She must have already joined the other guests. But the prince...

SERVANT #1

May I see you gentlemen outside?

FOX

Of course, sir. Come now, Richard, let's return to the party.

(SERVANT #1, satisfied, exits as FOX and SHERIDAN begin to exit in the opposite direction. As soon as SERVANT #1 is gone, FOX suddenly turns around hurries back to the PRINCE OF WALES' room with a confused SHERIDAN following close behind.)

SHERIDAN

What in God's name are you doing?

FOX

This ball— a ball celebrating my greatness, might I add— cannot commence without Prinny, and I'll be damned to see it put off because he fancies spending three hours on his toilette!

(FOX abruptly grabs the door handle and throws the door open, with him and SHERIDAN stepping inside.)

FOX (cont.)

Prinny, are you almost dressed? Most of the guests have arrived, and...

(FOX and SHERIDAN stare in horror at what they see: the PRINCE OF WALES, sitting at his desk, has been calmly cutting his left forearm and bleeding it into a small dish. Surprised to see his friends, he drops the dagger onto his desk.)