The Drunken Feathers

Scene III

(FOX, SHERIDAN, and the DUKE OF PORTLAND stand outside of a rowdy, shady tavern.)

DUKE OF PORTLAND

Are you quite sure the Prince of Wales is here?

SHERIDAN

Without a doubt, Your Grace.

DUKE OF PORTLAND

Pray, what is this establishment?

FOX

'Tis...a pub.

SHERIDAN

If Your Grace would await our return outside...

DUKE OF PORTLAND

I shall do no such thing. Show me inside so I may greet him properly.

(They enter the tavern rather hesitantly, with the DUKE OF PORTLAND following FOX and SHERIDAN. The third movement of Haydn's 'String Quartet No. 54 Op. 1' begins to play. The interior of the tavern is crowded and dingy. The air reeks of alcohol, secondhand smoke, and other foul odors. Half-dressed, unkempt women run about the place and entertain gentlemen. Some of these couples can be seen going off into private rooms and shutting the door behind them. Everyone seems to be drunk or approaching intoxication. The air is thick with smoke, impairing visibility.)

DUKE OF PORTLAND

This is a pub, you say?

SHERIDAN

Something in that way, yes.

(The DUKE OF PORTLAND follows FOX and SHERIDAN to a corner of the room. They stop in front of a large sofa, blocking the DUKE OF PORTLAND's view. He looks around him, growing more suspicious of this "pub.")

SHERIDAN

Halloa, Prinny!

PRINCE OF WALES

Charles, Richard! Fancy seeing you 'round here. To what to I owe this immense pleasure?

SHERIDAN

The Duke of Devonshire's ball is underway. Have you forgotten your attendance is expected? The duchess has been asking for you all night.

PRINCE OF WALES

Good God, is that tonight? Forgive me, I've been...

(The DUKE OF PORTLAND steps in between FOX and SHERIDAN to see to see the PRINCE OF WALES sitting with two disheveled, half-dressed ladies. One sits in his lap and the other one has her arms wrapped around him. The PRINCE OF WALES rests his feet on the table where the pipes sit and raises his eyes to meet those of the DUKE OF PORTLAND.)

PRINCE OF WALES (cont.)

Distracted.

(Beat, to the DUKE OF PORTLAND)

Your Grace! I would not have expected to see you here, but I am glad to have your company nonetheless.

DUKE OF PORTLAND

(Looking around suspiciously)

Alright, what is this place?

PRINCE OF WALES

Is it not obvious, sir? 'Tis a nunnery. The nuns were just praying over me, for good health and so on.

(The PROSTITUTES burst into laughter as the irritated

DUKE OF PORTLAND realizes he is in a brothel.)

DUKE OF PORTLAND

I see. Well, sir, as glad as I am to have found Your Royal Highness, I had better be on my way with as much haste as my carriage will allow.