the sky is blue

{{{{{ the song }}}}}

Like horses set free, my emotions wanted to run wild today. I had to accept that.

I couldn't keep my mind off of her, especially after the deep conversation we had a week ago.

I was sitting in the library, studying and listening to music when I found a song I used to like when I was younger.

I downloaded it, and let it play. And play. And play. And play. Over and over again.

I don't know why, but it hit me so hard. It was about waiting for something you really want, but how long you'll be willing endure the torture.

I snapped that day. I felt water in the corner of my eyes. The drop slithered down my cheek, eventually falling from my chin.

It landed right on my textbook.

I can't study. Not like this.

And so I let the song take me in its arms. I felt like I didn't belong in school. I really needed to go home; I was sick.

•••••••••••

RING! The bell went off after my last period, and I ran for the buses.

At last! Freedom!

I didn't bother sitting next to her that day. It would only intensify my uncontrollable hormones.

Instead, for some reason, I gave into the urge to keep listening to the song.

SCREECH! The bus came to a halt, and I was the first one off that bus.

I went straight home as fast as I could. My parents were out shopping, so I had the whole space to myself.

SLAM! The door shut, and I was within the comfort of my home.

I ran around, I shouted, I cried, I thought, and I talked to myself. Nothing helped.

I didn't know what was going on. I wasn't angry. I wasn't sad. I wasn't happy. I was just... crazy.

Once I calmed down, I knew what I needed to do.

"I'm meeting her right now," I said seriously.

I would've talked to her that day and told her everything.

I didn't care about a plan anymore. I didn't care whether I made a logical decision or not. I just wanted the madness to end somehow.

Luckily for me, she couldn't meet me today.

I finally and truly calmed down that night. That whole day I wasn't in the mood to anything.

I couldn't work, I couldn't write, and I couldn't even have fun.

It was the end of our friendship.

That was the part that stung most. If we weren't going to be together, I at least wanted to treasure our wonderful friendship.

Instead, I would receive nothing.

I knew I had two options: fail again, but this time I'll finally realize it won't happen. Or I would have to stop talking to her entirely.

The thought of me being upset with her rotted my heart. I had always felt feelings of love and passion for her, but some new feelings were creeping up into my heart.

The friendship was doomed. I loved her too much to simply stay where I was.

Even if I tried to move on, she was so powerful that every time I would see her, I would start over right where I left off.

This situation was a Monopoly board, but I never collect two-hundred dollars when I loop back around.

Instead, I get dread, regret, and pointless determination.

Which option do I go with?

I was scared about even considering not even having her in my life anymore.

I needed a direction. I needed help, and I needed it fast. So I decided to get some from one of my friends who was a "love expert."