My Life

Notes for Someone Once Mine 2

8/06/2016

You're the worst you know? You make me worry like hell every single day.

1/07/2016

The day you didn't appear and left me alone.

16/07/2016

Sometimes you just gotta know and reassure people always, or else the only chance you have will be gone and who knows, you might have a heartbreak.

Unless you're heartless and a heartbreaker.

Even if you are, you should just tell them that you don't love them anymore.

Love your mates with full passion, it is good. Break ups are another matter.

When you love them fully and take responsibility, and still break up, it's always better to have the thought that you loved them with your best and did your best. God will bless you for not hurting people, but God will also bless you more for telling the truth, because when you lie, you cause misunderstandings and hurt once it is found out.

17/07/2016

Life is not something you can help.

You fall into deep valleys, and you can't say that you fell because of these and those. There's no what ifs. There's only trials and success.

17/07/2016

I'll try. I'll try to make you feel the love... I'll talk to you.. I'll try my best to find that love back for both of us.. if you still want me.

1/08/2016

No, I didn't see you today. Happy fourth month anniversary for us.

6/08/2016

No.

Things are not okay yet. They are getting better, but not okay yet.

I guess you didn't say it because I didn't ask, but you know that you should say it if you feel it even if I didn't ask, isn't it?

I'm scared to ask because of that. I would rather letyou be silent because I didn't ask, than ask and see your response that has 2/3 probabilities that would be either silence or saying no.

What if, when I ask, you are silent? What would that mean then? It would only break my heart and leave me in confusion, because you can't even decide whether you love me.

What if, when I ask, you say no? That would break my heart and also leave me in confusion, because how could a love, unless it's just an attraction, end so fast?

If I don't ask, and you never tell me anything, I can still lie to myself that you might be still loving me. It isn't completely a lie. It is an assumption, and a true one too. I can at least use it to comfort myself. And that's what I'm doing right now.

I will ask it only after we find time to talk, or when I'm desperate.

But I believe I need to be very patient, and therefore I won't ask it until you tell me everything.

I haven't told you this for a long time, that I love you. Maybe I should, but I stopped when I'm kinda sure you will never say anything back anymore.

Maybe I should tell you I love you so that you can tell me that too because you are scared that I want to break up with you, and you love me but you don't know whether I still love you. Because it's been around two or three weeks that I haven't said I love you to you.

But then, when a person has real courage and when you really loves me, do you even need to have my confirmation before telling me that you love me?

For me, I think you need the confirmation, and I will give it, but not now because you haven't really told me anything.

I love you so much. It doesn't hurt so much now because the hope that you actually love me is getting stronger.

Why don't you delete the call logs? Your mum sees everything.

I can say nothing. You could've just delete the call logs like.. if I give you ten calls just reduce it into two or three. Or just delete all and call someone else to hide it away.

But it's okay.

Your mum tells you that we could still be friends. And that's good, but how could she change to be kind so suddenly? For me, it's just quite impossible. But still, I don't want to just be friends with you.

My friend says that she did that maybe because she knows that her son would be indignant and rebellious if she asks us to not be even friends. And then, when we break up and be friends, she'll slowly brainwash you and then we'll drift apart.

My thought is, maybe she realized that I'm good enough not to be a bad influence to her son, and that there's really no point in separating us but we still cannot date during school so she asks us to break up.

Both are possible but I really have no idea what to actually believe. I'll just have to see what you tell me and still be careful.

That's it for today, I guess... I don't have more information.

Thank God for making it better.

19/08/2016

The day you actually have something you want to tell me enough to ask me to wait and call my name. Can you hold my hand like you used to?

20/08/2016

Give thanks to what you have. Everyday.

21/08/2016

Darling, I know love is not all, but nothing is all either. A little of everything is all we need, but we will never reach that, thus we aim for what we possibly get, and that is to love as long as we can.