My Life

20. Downhill

Things began to become worse and worse, likely because we do not have verbal conversation, we could not talk in messages for his mum watches, and we could not have physical contact either.

It was July the first.

This, I think, is the worst case ever happened.... like... he didn't show up.

He was the one who asked me whether we could meet on friday. And a fool as I am, I agreed even though I already planned not to commune with him for two months.

He agreed to the place, the library. Yet he didn't show up.

I waited for him. The time just passed and he never showed up. I kept looking at the door and my watch in turns but he. Never. Showed. Up.

My friend came asking me why I stayed. I told him that I was meeting Nicholas. What he told me was kind of what I expected but still, it did shock me a little.

I didn't think he would've really stayed in his classroom and not come to see me.

My heart knew. But I deceived myself, letting myself think that he would come.

My friend offered to call him downstairs for me and I refused but he still called him for me. I'm thankful but I also regret it a little.

This is because he came back, telling me that he didn't want to come down to meet me.

I let the tears fall freely then, even though I turned away because I didn't want them to see me crying. I took my chess game, my bottle, my bag and ran out of the school.

I don't know how I reached the bus station, my mind is just full of turmoil and my heart is aching, then and now.

I called each of my friend and no one picked up except my chinese friend. She didn't manage to comfort me though, but I appreciate her help.

I came home and then only did they pick up my call, but none comforted me. None.

My friend that called me said that he told him not to tell me that he was in the class.

That just means that he never meant to meet me at all. So it's all probably just a prank. For payback? I don't know. But it's truly not funny at all.

Afterwards I was just kind of sure that he wants to break up with me.

You see, he didn't even want to talk to me in real life.

I kept giving him chance after chance, and I kept trying to talk to him.

There was one project called Arduino, about circuit boards and programming, I even chose to enter his group just for the chance to talk with him.

The group work was okay but you could see that it bored him and that he didn't believe it would work.

So the project wasn't really going on.