My Life

30. Flying Free

This chapter would just sound like a fairy tale, after all that had happened.

Another week or two passed and we were invited to go for an innovation exhibit. Two booths were provided for two of our groups and since it was at the end of the year and we had nothing much to do, the offer was accepted.

We set up our product on the table and explained about it to anyone passing by who showed interest in our project. The hall was wide and beautiful, and the people were fairly a huge amount.

Soon enough, we were tired, and two of the guys disappeared for a break, leaving me and Chaol alone. He did talk to me, but mostly he was just playing with the app "Would you rather". I was sitting quite near to him, and although I knew I shouldn't, I still touched him whenever I could. Surprisingly, he did not flinch. I suppose he either didn't notice, or he... The first probability would be higher.

The exhibition went on for two days.

During break the next day, his friend Ammar took us to the rooftop of the hall. I still remember when we followed the route that twisted and turned, sometimes leading us into dusty control rooms and even hiding in washrooms to avoid guards.

There was a large space right before a staircase that leads to the rooftop. That large space was filled with dust and everything was the colour of cement, including a few objects that looked like water tanks.

The staircase wasn't very safe. The material that made it up were just steel boards and steel rods no thicker than my forefinger. There were a lot of empty spaces where you could slip if you weren't careful, and fall right down onto the stage. If anyone decided to get onto the stage and look up, they could glimpse us climbing up.

My knees were weak as I climbed up, following Ammar. It didn't help that it was pitch black and I could only feel with my hands, wherever I was going. The only flickers of light came from the stage far, far away, below us.

Chaol was behind me, and we both took each other's hand as we went up the steps. I could feel him shaking when suddenly he released his hold and all was quiet. I thought he could cope with it and thus I still went up and up until I reached the door that led to the rooftop.

That was when me and Ammar both realised that he wasn't following us. I let Ammar have my camera and asked him to wait for us, as I went down to find him. He was at the large grey space I mentioned earlier, treading to and fro.

I asked him why he did not follow us, but he was not speaking, and he kept walking in circles as I followed behind him, trying to ask him to go up. Because it won't be fun if it was just Ammar and me.

I saw him in such a way I can't even begin to describe, then. I wanted to hug him and say it was okay. I wanted to push him onto a wall and kiss him as well. Last of all, I really wanted to tell him that I still loved him, so much.

Still considering options, Ammar came barging in, wondering what took us so long. He convinced him to go up, and I gave him my hand and he took it. All the while, I felt him shaking again, his hands so cold, colder than mine.

I didn't know whether to get into the drain-like crevice outside the door or get on top of the cement just opposite the door when I finally reached it. Without considering much, I jumped over to the higher place, and I was giddy when I looked over at the vast space and realised how far from the ground I was.

Chaol trudged and stumbled in, squatting a little to rest his knees. I laughed as I realised he was scared of heights. He just smiled at me and chose the "drain" as I call it. The drain's height was up to his shoulders, and as I saw Ammar walking through the drain to another side, I knew that I needed to get into the drain too.

But it was too high to jump. Chaol, understanding what I wanted to do, came over and held his arms out as if to carry me down. I did not refuse him although I knew I actually could get down by myself, not losing a chance to get closer to him, even if I know I shouldn't.

I put my hands around his neck and let him carry me for the one second that got me down. I wanted to hug him right then right there, but we had an audience, thus I released him and went to join Ammar.

As we went to the far edge of the roof, I felt as if I could fly. I've never been happier for so long.

We took some photos, and enjoyed our time there. It was fun.

And as we went back, I had to go early for something my teacher asked me to do, but she would send me back afterwards. I said goodbye to him for a second and was about to walk away when he grabbed my hand gently.

Surprised, I turned back and looked at him as he said, "Stay safe."

A bunch of emotions roiled inside me, not knowing whether to let me laugh or cry. I was only going for half an hour at most. And he was still holding my hand. That was unbelievable. After so long that I craved his touch, after we ended. Right in front of his friend, when he was so shy all the way. After so long that he never touched me.

Was this only a dream? I could only stare at him and our hands, linked together, as he released it and I walked away.

Didn't we end it?

Didn't he not have any feelings for me?

Didn't he not want me anymore?

Didn't he... just acquiesced to break up?

I couldn't talk to him when I came back, although I smiled at him. I was confused, still am.

***

Will we ever fly free together?