Destruction//c.d

Chapter 26

I saw him through out the day as time flew by.
I noticed how he laughed every time Lisette would smile and how every moment she would crack a joke his face lit up.
She had him wrapped around her manicured finger almost perfectly.
It made me cringe at the sight of it.
I was pulled out of my thoughts when someone called out my name from the distance. I searched around the campus looking for who it was that called my name out. I saw Jack signaling to get me attention.
It was good to see his face and to see him smiling.
Since last period my head became dizzy and I felt like I was almost loosing it. As I began to walk towards him I Suddenly felt my head almost shake and it seemed like things were fuzzy and dull. My legs immediately became jelly and objects faded as blue and red dots reappeared in the rims of my eye lids. The worst part of this all is that I knew exactly what was going on, and there was no stopping it. The last thing that rang in my ears was jacks footsteps running to my side until I was out.
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Clearly I wasn't out for long considering there were still lingering students on campus. Thankfully I didn't make a scene in front of anyone, I didn't want any attention drawn to me. Jack blabbered on about if I was alright but I reassure him that I was alright and he helped me up and made sure I was able to function.
He begged to walk me home out of what almost seemed like pity.
The first question he asked on the way home was referring to Cameron. He asked of him like he had some type of feelings towards me, which made me smile almost.
I told him the honest truth because if I would have lied he could've read it off the expression lingering on my face.
He doesn't love me.
I told him, plane and simple. 
The more I would repeat it to my self the more I would accept the facts even though it still hurt.
You could tell by how he looks at other girls that he would give me up for any one of them within the blink of an eye.
Jacks eyes, brown like coffee, stared me down with worry.
This time he asked about my thoughts and if I was alright.
This time I lied.
I wasn't going to have him stressing over problems that weren't relevant to him, it just didnt make sense to tell him that I was slowly dying inside ever time I looked into Cameron's eyes, and how I treated the situation like it was 'alright'.
He was concerning like a father, he bothered me about my smoking habits, my eating, my scars and mental health, yet every time he asked of me it made my day because it showed me how he cared. 
He kissed my forehead and I told him goodbye with a smile as he approached his house at the dead end of the neighborhood.
I took the key from under the mat and into the handle as the smell of an empty home raced in my senses like Great Danes.
I threw the key onto the counter top and headed to Cameron's room.
I stared at the ceiling fan, watching it rotate. My head, propped on a pillow with my hands holding down my arms.
I looked back at our memories, our laughs, tears, and happiness together and forced a smile as a tear hit my nose.
My hopes high.
Thoughts short.
Breathing hitched.
Tears stained.
And happiness low.
These are the days in which I spend on believing that death might be my one and only best option.
Like a last resort. 
I find it quite complexing.
Or perplex you might say.
I would rather die than suffer through pain. This has just been much too prolonged and extremely painful, death would be less. I hope things would just 'end', today, tomorrow or the day after tomorrow.
I'm not killing myself, my thoughts are.
It's mildly unpleasant having the thought of dying as an option. But I guess you might be able to say that I've learned to live with it.

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||end of chapter 26||
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The book will be ending soon loves:)