Destruction//c.d

Chapter 24

I loved him.
I don't even know what love is.
How could he love someone like me.
Every time I see him my cheeks go red and my walls come down.
He makes me feel some type of way, as cliche as it may sound.
I love every part of him.
His smile
The way he tenses up when I kiss his cheek or
The way he stares at the ceiling when he can't sleep. How he scrunches up his nose when he eats or how angelic his morning voice sounds, I don't know what it is about him.
I can't describe it in words.
With all the letters in the alphabet I still can't bring myself to tell him how much I love him.
But does he love me?

Never would I have thought that I would have run away from home in my sophomore year of high school and fell in love with the boy down the street from my therapy sessions. These things are the situations I can't seem to wrap my head around.
The fact that my dad moved away from me to start a new life or how my parents divorced within less than a month but knowing I will never hear from my parents again is something hard for me to adjust to.

I dug through my bag that sat on the counter top of Cameron's bathroom sink. I found the container and forced two powdery pink pills down the back of my dry throat from the glossy orange bottle.
Each day the amount of pills I had, kept decreasing.
They made my thoughts numb and my body feel dramatically groggy.
They were no help.
My mental health De-escalate by the day.
Things felt hopeless and I felt worthless.
But Cameron was the only chance at happiness I have at this point.
Everything about him was perfect.

||Cameron's POV||

She was fragile and what could a guy like me do to mend a broken heart like hers.
I care about her deeply but I don't love her. It's complicated to describe the feelings I have for her.
I will only end up hurting her and it kills me.

These constant thoughts went through my mind for hours, it's like I can't stop thinking about her, she won't leave my mind but in the wrong way. She meant everything to me yet nothing at the same time.

I watched her from inside the house as small hollow puffs came from her mouth while the tip of the paper flame on the cigarette started to subside. She flipped her hair as she watched the clouds go by from the deck. I could admire her looks for hours and not feel a god damn thing.
I could tell she loved me, or at least she tried to. I knew it just by how her cheeks became red when I held her or the way her eyes lit up ever time I kissed her and the way I can make her smile with a simple 'hello'
She's changing me and that's what I'm afraid of.

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||end of chapter 24||
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this chapter is so short but no one reads this book so who cares lmao:)~Bella