I THINK I LOVE YOU

CHAPTER NINE

JOIE

"Our company? Hah! She's not even part of it. Ang kapal ng mukha niyang sabihin sa akin that I am not fit for the project, that I don't have what it takes in handling such ambitious project! Akala mo kung sinong magaling kulang na lang itapon ko ang trabaho niya sa basurahan dahil sa daming kapalpakan. Urgh! Grabe sumusobra na talaga ang bisugong iyon. Akala mo naman kagandahan, e kulang na lang humiga siya sa kabaong para kumpleto na ang get up niya."

"Joie... Joie..."

"Peste! At may pangahas pang tumatawag sa pangalan ko."

"Joie, ano ba? Slow down will you? Madadapa ka niyan, e."

"Ano bang pakialam mo? Kung madapa man ako, e 'di tumawa ka hindi naman mahirap gawin iyon, e."

"Joie, be reasonable okay? Let's talk."

Nagawa nitong makahabol sa akin, pinigilan ako sa braso at pinihit ako paharap dito, and doing so ay ang pagka-out balance ko. Akala ko ay tuluyan na akong babagsak sa tiled floor, but Jepoy was quick enough to secure me from falling. Pakiramdam ko biglang nagkaroon ng world peace when I looked at him. There's something in the way he looked at me that made me feel so secure, that I don't know where it came from. It's as if he wanted to ease the pain that burdened me. And why do I have this nagging feeling inside me that I wanted him to see through me the pain I kept hidden for so long? And his face, ang lapit ng mukha namin sa isa't-isa.

"God forbid, but I miss the hell out of him without doing anything. How could it be?"

Habang tumatagal lalo itong gumaguwapo sa paningin ko, at kasabay niyon ay ang samut-saring emosyon na dito ko lang nararamdaman. Staring at him intently, God knows how much I wanted to touch his face and feel his handsome face in the palm of my  hands. God, this is the face of the man who have blown me away... the face of the man I have fallen in love with, and the very same man that still occupies it. Deym! Bakit ba kasi bumalik-balik pa ito sa buhay ko? Syet! Iyong dating latak na tingin ko rito ay bigla na lang naglaho at napalitan ng long overdue na pagnanasa.

"Ano 'kamo? Dios mio! Joie, saang kaban mo ba kinuha iyang "pagnanasa" thingy na iyan?" Kontra agad ng naeeskandalong tinig na iyon sa isip ko. Gusto kong pingasan ang guwapong mukha nito para kahit paano ay mapalubag niyon ang loob ko dahil sa tindi ng emotional stress na inabot ko rito these days. Pero siyempre hanggang balak lang ang lola mo. How could I, when he's shamelessly and effortlessly breaking down the invisible wall I've built to stop my freaking heart from falling.

"You love him, but what's the point, Joie? He won't love you the way you want him to because loving you is a big fat lie. Matagal mo ng alam iyan 'di ba, so get real."

Masakit. Sobra. Aasa ka tapos bigla-biglang lalagapak ang puso mo padausdos dahil kailangan mong gumising sa katotohanan. Pero kung tutuusin ay wala naman talaga itong kasalanan. It was my fault I fell for him. It was my fault I let myself to be carried away. And it was my fault why I got my heart wounded. At wala akong balak aminin iyon rito, masyado na itong sinusuwerte. Pinilit kong makawala sa pagkakayakap nito sa akin.